Foul Murder 1: Foul Murder

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I've been caught for
Foul murder.
For a felony of shame.
A tortured soul was buried within,
The lake down the street.
Maybe thirty blocks away.
I've been caught for
Foul murder.
 
I've commited arsen,
vandilism...
And just about every crime ever even thought of.
I sit in this cell,
With this officer's gun.
Thinking and thinking of murdering this guy..
Snoring as loud as Hades..

I have been caught for witchcraft,
for making potions and poisons.
I am a witch,
a wretch.
You can call me anything.
But I walk these mean streets,
these nameless streets.
Call me anything you want.
But don't be surprised if there isn't a tear shed,
Just a bullet in your head.
Or maybe,
depending on how much I hate you..
Ripping out your spine and whipping you with it until it falls from the cartilage.
Or draining your blood and ripping apart your bones and muscles,
Then freezing your organs in a meat freezer,
And hanging your vacant body from ceiling of your attic!

Oh!
The excitement this gives me.
Just talking about it!

The blood shall be spread...
From this emotionless body of mine.
For I,
I've been caught,
I've been caught for foul murder!
FOUL MURDER!
And now I sit in this cell,
with this machete and pistol..
Ready to murder this man in the most violent of ways...
I will drown him first.
Shoot him five times..
Rip his spine..
Whip him until there's no skin left to be whipped.
And tie his converse shoe string to his head and to his ankles and hang him up on the ceiling and stretch his motionless body..

Oh yes!
I guess I've got my dream!
For I,
I've been caught for foul murder..

© 2012 Angelique

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User avatar
Ardor
Review
Ardor wrote a review · Mon Sep 03, 2012 5:15 pm

"I've been caught for
Foul murder.
For a felony of shame.
A tortured soul was buried within,
The lake down the street.
Maybe thirty blocks away.
I've been caught for
Foul murder."

This is a nice stanza. I really like it.

"I've commited arsen,
vandilism...
And just about every crime ever even thought of.
I sit in this cell,
With this officer's gun.
Thinking and thinking of murdering this guy..
Snoring as loud as Hades.."

Why Hades? I'm not that well educated in mythology, so maybe you could explain this to me. Also you've spelled arson and vandalism wrong.

"I have been caught for witchcraft,
for making potions and poisons.
I am a witch,
a wretch.
You can call me anything.
But I walk these mean streets,
these nameless streets.
Call me anything you want.
But don't be surprised if there isn't a tear shed,
Just a bullet in your head.
Or maybe,
depending on how much I hate you..
Ripping out your spine and whipping you with it until it falls from the cartilage.
Or draining your blood and ripping apart your bones and muscles,
Then freezing your organs in a meat freezer,
And hanging your vacant body from ceiling of your attic!"

Whoa there. That is a lot of information! A bit too much, as is it pretty gory.

"Oh!
The excitement this gives me.
Just talking about it!"

This person gets enjoyment out of it, and I can see why, but it sounds really creepy and sexual.

"The blood shall be spread...
From this emotionless body of mine.
For I,
I've been caught,
I've been caught for foul murder!
FOUL MURDER!
And now I sit in this cell,
with this machete and pistol..
Ready to murder this man in the most violent of ways...
I will drown him first.
Shoot him five times..
Rip his spine..
Whip him until there's no skin left to be whipped.
And tie his converse shoe string to his head and to his ankles and hang him up on the ceiling and stretch his motionless body.."

This. Is. Awesome.

"Oh yes!
I guess I've got my dream!
For I,
I've been caught for foul murder.."

Nice link between the title and the stanza.

User avatar
Dawnpath1
Comment

Well, that was certainly gruesome.

Anyway, since this is free verse, I guess it doesn't need a rhyme scheme, but it would help, and you could try to add a little bit of meter. You could possibly break up those really long lines, but that's just me; I don't really like long lines. It's more of an aesthetic.

Anyway, good job. Way to create a very violent, bloody death poem ^^

Lol. Sweet! Thanks.
I wrote the long lines like that because to me it makes it seem as if the speaker never stops to breathe while describing it. :)

Thank you.



Stupid risks make life worth living.
— Homer Simpson