I wrote a bunch of nonsense already
And another one won't bother me
Therefore I want you to write one
For me to know
I'm not alone.
Perhaps, it bothers you
Probably because I am not
The One.
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Canary word: Present
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140,095 Literary Works • 672,998 Reviews
Hi there! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Hi, I'm gonna be reviewing your piece! ^^
Top Graham Cracker - I really liked this piece. Its short and easy to read
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - I don't really see any room for improvement. Why improve something that is already great?
Chocolate Bar - Despite being short it carries a big message. Its not that hard to read either. I also love the rhyme scheme!
Closing Graham Cracker - I really like this poem and hope to see more! That's all! have a good day/night!
Hey there!
So, from a first glance, this is hard to follow. It's probably just me, since I'm more of a writer, not much of a poet, though I do write it, but I like this.
It's neat, tidy and it does have that splash of emotion! Which is great! In my opinion, emotion added to writing makes it more relatable, which makes it better!
I love how simple it is, but it's heartfelt. To me, it stings. The words do. It feels like someone truly is trying to make an effort, but the other person isn't. It feels like a one-sided love. The narrator is so willing to give to the other person, so willing to talk and say things. They wish for the other to do the same, but they won't.
I love how it says that they want to learn. That they want to know they aren't alone in this, but that it potentially bothers the other person. They acknowledge that they know they aren't the one said person is looking for or wanting.
This poem is simple, but it has the acknowledgement that the love is lost and one-sided. It acknowledges the desperate feeling of want and need. It's truly beautiful, even if it is small. And for not being on the "same level" of grammar as other writers, I think you did wonderfully. There is room for improvement, but each writer has a different format they prefer to use. Be creative. You do you, and you'll do wonderfully.
Welcome to writing <3
We all start as crumbs somewhere,
~Taost