Published June 25, 2011
I think it's time for somebody to actually come out and say this
What the hell is going on with our world..
You walk down the hallways in school and see these poor innocent students getting bullied everyday.
Seeing people get beat up on the streets for no reason...
Fighting and Killing almost everyday
Murders happening everyday to innocent beings..
Wars break out around the world
Teenagers out causing damage and destruction..
Kids getting abandoned by their loved ones and put out on the street
Seeing all the poor sitting out in boxes and behind stores starving...
Seeing the broken-hearted commit suicide..
This isn't the way that God wanted us to be.
God created us to be strong...and worthy of ourselves
I hate going down the street and seeing an abandoned animals just sitting there shaking with fear
Watching people dump waste into our oceans
Causing Global Warming
All The Racial issues among schools and businesses..
Killing animals for food...
It's time to step up and make a change..
Change the way we act and the way we do things..
Let's Change Today
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138,317 Literary Works • 672,102 Reviews
Hello there!
I have just a little nitpick for you
That should either be "an abandoned animal" or " abandoned animals".
Overall, I understand the message you are sending, but there is no real rhythm or rhyme that would make me call this poetry. If you just played around with your word choice and organization, I think it would be easier for the reader to understand.
I hope I helped a little,
Dreams
This is powerful, and your emotions definitely come across as strong. I don't know if I would necessarily call this poetry though. It does have a structure and purpose, but at the same time it seems more like freelance thought or a journal entry for maybe a blog. For example, in the beginning when you say "I think it's time.." you should say "It's time for people to hear." or something more powerful and concise like that. You could use more repetition, comparative language, anything to make the poem flow more beautifully. Your subject/topic is so strong, you could make this piece extremely powerful.
Just play around with the descriptions and format and it will be great!
You have a very good start
If you have any questions, let me know!
Keep writing!
<3 Sara.