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Young Writers Society



Blind - Chapter 5

by Meep(:


*laughs insanely*

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“No ‘buts’, young lady. You march straight up to your room and do as I say!”

Ugh. I love that woman but sometimes, she really makes me frustrated. I close the door behind me and lock it. Throwing off my jeans and plain black t-shirt, I fling open my cupboard doors and dig through the piles of clothes.

Picking up one of the straps, I pull out the lilac babydoll dress. I look at it and cringe. The hem will not reach past my knees. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not fat or anything, but I’m a person who wears long pants all year round.

I slip the dress on and packed my brown jacket into my sling bag. She didn’t say anything about covering it up with a jacket.

As soon as I was out of the house, I took out my jacket and put it on. It was long and thank goodness, covered most of the dress. The people I passed by on my walk to school must have thought I was crazy, wearing a jacket in the sweltering thirty-one degree Celsius (Approximately eighty-eight degrees Fahrenheit) weather. However, it was a small price to pay.

Velentia High school was only a few blocks from its junior counterpart, so I did not have a problem getting there. My first impression of the school was that it seemed a tad too upscale for a high school. The compound had to be twice as big as Velentia Junior High, and was that a school field or a town on its own?

I stepped into the building and passed by the teacher’s lounge. How rich was this school? The floor was made of marble, a salad buffet was being prepared by some cafeteria ladies, there were three leather sofas and what looked like a forty-four inch plasma television. What the hell?

Shaking my head, I fished out my new time table and looked for my homeroom. I was there quite early and there was an hour more before lessons began. The corridors were pretty much deserted. Room 301, where are you? The place was freaking gigantic! How was I supposed to find my way around?

Suddenly, I saw a sign. I swear, I would have slapped myself on the forehead if a member of the faculty hadn’t walked past me that moment. Even signs to different classes were engraved on a gold plate! What type of budget was the school running on? A national budget?!

Room 301, homeroom. 2nd floor, turn left. Teachers: Lift to 2nd floor, turn right.

A lift?!

I should have been happy that I went to such a posh establishment, but this was a bit ridiculous for a town with only two high schools.

When I finally located my homeroom, I had managed to kill twenty minutes because I kept stopping on my way to the homeroom. I mean, who wouldn’t stop to look at computer labs that used laptops or gawk at the fact that the school had two ballrooms? I had peered into the ballroom meant for the juniors’ and seniors’ use, and spotted a sleek black Yamaha grand piano perched on the stage. My jaw dropped. I would have killed for one of those!

I chose one of the chairs down at the front, where the smart people usually sat. It would mean that I would be less likely disturbed by someone sending spitballs flying your way.

They hadn’t assigned us any lockers yet, so I placed my bag on my seat and decided to explore the compound more. There wasn’t anything valuable that I left with my bag, so no worries.

Students were starting to file into the school, those who wandered around the school looking confused were presumably the freshmen. Surprisingly, not a great deal of them had the same of shock I wore when I first walked in.

I passed by the cafeteria and peered inside. It looked more like a proper dining room. The tables were made of good quality teak and the chairs were cushioned, unlike the cheap plastic seats in junior high.

I descended down the steps to the first level and passed by an enormous glass trophy cabinet. A closer inspection would tell you that our school apparently excelled in the Arts. There were numerous awards for creative writing, drama, dance, choir, visual arts, poetry recitations and many others. Of course, what normal school trophy cabinet would be complete without their sports awards? Then again, Velentia High did not seem like a normal school.

I walked around the corner and passed by the principal’s office. I read the gold plaque on his door aloud. “Principal Jared Vermont, Velentia High School.”

“At your service.” A voice behind me spoke, causing me to jump and yelp in surprise. I hastily whirled around to face greet the person.

He chuckled, “Are principals really that scary?”

“N-no. You just caught me by surprise, sir.” I stammered out a reply, trying to slow down my racing heart.

“I must assume that you are a freshman, Miss…?”

“Keyes.”

“Miss Keyes. Because students familiar with me would know that I prefer to be referred to as ‘Jared’.”

“Oh,” I fidgeted on the spot. “Mister… Jared,”

“Just Jared would do, child.”

“Umm… Jared, why is this school so…-“

“Upscale?”

“Uhh… yeah.”

“Look over here,” He pointed to another gold plaque next to the door of his office. “Read it and you’ll understand.”

“Velentia High extends its most heartfelt thanks to Mr. Wes Peyton, Head of the Velentia High Alumni Committee, for his remarkable contributions to the establishment’s refurbishing.”

“Mister Wes… Peyton?” I breathed, shocked.

“Yes, thanks to this man, Velentia high could afford all these extra luxuries during our renovation of the school. Mister Peyton has also made a generous donation to Haverley. Have you met Mister Peyton?”

“Uhh… I used to work at the Peyton Hotel. We talked on the phone once, but I’ve never seen him in person.”

“Ah yes, the internationally recognised Peyton Hotel. One of the leading chains of luxury accommodations. His sons are going to be freshmen this year.”

“S-sons?” I stuttered. Nathaniel’s relatives are going to be studying here too?! Please don’t be idiots like him, please don’t be idiots like Nathaniel…

“Triplets to be exact.” My eyes would have popped out if they had bulged out any further.

“How do you know?” It was too late to recall the words after I’d said them. Of course he’d know, you moron. He’s the principal!

He gave me a funny look, “Well, I am the principal of this school and would naturally know such things. Furthermore, Wes is my best friend,” Another eye-popping fact. “And he felt it was his responsibility to warn me that they can be quite a handful sometimes.”

I gaped at him, speechless from the onslaught of unexpected information.

“Well, if there are no more questions, I must be getting back to my office. I have to brief the staff on the new munchkins. I have a feeling we will meet again.” Munchkins?

“Umm, sure. Nice meeting you, sir.”

“Jared.” He corrected, grinning at me before retreating into his office. I glanced at my watch, only twenty minutes more till first period.

I decided to take a walk around the school courtyard, recalling that I had seen a garden and a pond outside the school somewhere. I walked down the wide hallway, approaching the main doors. Another thing I noticed was that the lockers were almost twice as huge as the ones we had back in junior high. Would this school never cease to amaze me?

Students of all shapes and sizes were walking past me, chatting away animatedly or looking around. Some of them, cast me sideway glances, but there were a bunch of them staring at me with certain interest. It made me uncomfortable, as I was too unused to being looked at.

When I was about two metres away from the school entrance, the doors kept open for the incoming flood of human traffic, three boys walked in.

Oh my God. Oh my freaking gosh. Three Nathaniels approached me.

And then, I fainted.


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Thu Jan 29, 2009 8:38 pm
asxz says...



Did all of that come from renovations? I somehow don't believe that, sorry I didn't read the others reviews, but you need to go and read over this again, some of it is unbelievable, and some has alot of mistakes!

good luck, onto chapter 6




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Sun Jan 04, 2009 8:35 pm
*writewatiwant* wrote a review...



Ahhhh!!!! I meant ha ha ha ha ! *laughs insanely, just like you*
The end was the best part!
Completely hilarious!
All points noticed by me are already pointed out... so I have nothing to say AGAIN...
It's how it turns out when you're late in the reviews...
OK so on to the next chapter (already preparing myself to laugh till I cry) :D




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Tue Dec 30, 2008 2:00 pm
Meep(: says...



Yeah, I had intended the 'son' thing to be obvious enough,
But I wanted the 'triplet' thing to be a bombshell :D
Everyone's telling me to slow down in this chapter XD




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Tue Dec 30, 2008 1:54 pm
SeleneForeverDream wrote a review...



Okay, on this one you over-did it a bit with the detail. I liked this chapter, but I would have loved it longer. Maybe you could add more telling and less showing, because an equal balance will make it longer, what I like. :)

I so saw that coming! When Nathaniel said he's "kind of related" I immediately thought of a son. But your sons really threw me off guard. Triplets had my jaw dropping to the floor. Can there be a possible love triangle within all this.? Oooooooh! That would be very interesting to see how these boys react to Melody.

I also predict that people will assume Melody more popular than she was, even though she still can't view herself that way. I think that her make-over and update to her wardrobe has changed her appearance a lot and will affect how everyone sees her in high school.

Well, that's it for my predictions. I thought this chapter should have slowed down a bit more, given her a human moment for her reactions to her new school. It just seemed that she moved in a hurry and the writing was rushed. Just slow down. :)




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Tue Dec 30, 2008 4:49 am
dark_angel wrote a review...



Hi there! I must say, this chapter seems to have been written in a hurry... there's a lot of detail packing without much filler. I know that's been said by other reviews, but I thought I'd mention it as well. >.< Well, let's get on with the grammar Nazi routine...

I slip the dress on and packed my brown jacket into my sling bag. She didn’t say anything about covering it up with a jacket.

As soon as I was out of the house, I took out my jacket and put it on.


Woah! Tense change! I forget which tense the others were in, but that threw me off guard there. Stay in the same one, so as not to confuse us. (:

I was there quite early and there was an hour more before lessons began.


Why is she there so early? Most kids like to sleep in, so you could pass it off as a quirk of Melody's, but if there's another reason, you may want to explain it for clarification.

And then, I fainted.


Okay, I'm sorry to over-critique, but the fainting thing is a huge cliche. No one in real life actually faints in situations like these, and even though it adds drama, it's kind of annoying for the reader. Instead, maybe Melody could run away down the hall before they see her, or maybe she could puke. That would be more realistic.

Sorry for having a field day here; I guess I got a bit carried away. >.< Well, I hope it helps!

~Dark Angel

PS: Feel free to PM me about the review if you have questions.




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Tue Dec 30, 2008 12:38 am
Meep(: says...



*slaps forehead* Gahh...I had a feeling there was something similar,
But forget about my previous story if you could,
Because this one has been planned out much better,
And Melody is more complex than Liz.
I will mention more about Melody's interest,
Remember that I warned you the story would be long,
So there's plenty of time to include stuff in :)
Thanks for your advice!




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Mon Dec 29, 2008 6:31 pm
Clup91 wrote a review...



Same, I think extra time editing is needed to make the sentences sound less intimidating and flow better.
I like how odd the school is, and that it has been explained why it is the way it is.

What I could say about the MC is that she sounds awfully like Liz in Playing the Field, and, as much as I liked her, there can only be one classic girl like her. Since Melody seems to enjoy poetry, perhaps her descriptions of things can include similies and metaphors and emotive language? Or if she's more of a musical person, comparing things to music shizwhiz, like artists, etc? Or if she's more of a computer or science nerd referring to things ith stuff she;s interested in. Somehow I forget that she's actually really smart because she talks like Liz and doesn't talk much about her interests.




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Mon Dec 29, 2008 5:24 am
Meep(: says...



Please refer to Chapter 2 for clarification.
If you need me to furhter explain, then don't hesitate to ask.
Yup. :)




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Mon Dec 29, 2008 5:18 am
Linx wrote a review...



My review:

What the freak?? :shock: How the crap did she know Nathaniel was Mr. Peyton's son???

Ok, what I would say for this post, is to go back over the whole thing. I know that you have been trying to write fast before school starts, but you rushed too much on writing this.

That's what I say. Go back over it. :D
Your mistake there hit me really hard. :shock: Very.





Sometimes I'm terrified of my heart; of its constant hunger for whatever it is it wants. The way it stops and starts.
— Poe