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Young Writers Society



Blind - Chapter 4

by Meep(:


Bear with me for this chapter and try to stick around for the next,

Because things are gonna get messy :)

All your comments are appreciated!

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“Hey boss, can I borrow some money? I left my wallet at home.”

“What do you need it for?”

“I want to take someone out to dinner.”

“A girl, I presume?”

“Yup. Even if I have to take her by force.”

“Do I get to know her name?”

“Melody.”

“Keyes? My staff, that Melody? The concierge?”

“Bingo, boss.”

“I see. I’ve gotten a lot of positive feedback from that girl.” Fishing out a single note, Mister Peyton handed him fifty dollars. “Don’t do anything rash or stupid, Nathaniel.”

“I won’t.”

***

Of all the dumb luck.

At first I thought it was just a mosquito bite. Then the itchy red spots just kept appearing more and more frequently. I also developed occasional coughing fits.

Then my mother said, “I think you should go see the doctor, Melody.”

So I went to my family doctor at the clinic nearby, Doctor Fayden surveyed me for just a moment and then declared, “It seems you have caught the chicken pox, Melody.”

I had only been on the job for a week, but was forced to quit and start my quarantine immediately. I had actually gotten a call from the boss himself, Mister Peyton.

“I’m sorry to hear that you’re leaving us so soon, Miss Keyes. On behalf of the Peyton hotel staff, we wish you a speedy recovery.”

“Thanks, Mister Peyton.”

“Oh, and Nathaniel asked me to tell you ‘get well soon’, also that he’ll take you out… for dinner when you recover.”

That was definitely unwelcome news.

“Uhh… thanks.”

I spent my two week quarantine finishing up the rest of my school assignments and reading books. Three quarters of my holiday had already flown by in the blink of an eye.

“Honey, your father and I have decided that you don’t have to get another job for the last week of your holidays. Instead, I’m taking you out for a super mother-daughter outing tomorrow!”

I plastered a smile on my face. “Thanks mom, I can’t wait!”

After she left, my smile faltered a bit. I knew my mom meant well, and it was fun to bond with her, but our bonding time involved a lot of shopping and beauty regiments. That included shopping for new clothes which I could never carry off looking good with, purchasing cosmetics and going for spas which could not enhance my looks. I was a lost cause.

***

“How does it feel, Melody? Do you feel your pores feel unclogged?”

How the heck was I supposed to know that? “Uh, sure.”

We had already spent two hours being pampered by the spa staff. Face masks, floral baths, massages, you name it, we did it. The massage really freaked me out. In the end, I felt like the knots in my body were loosened, but I wasn’t allowed to wear my clothes except my underwear. Then I was required to lie on my stomach while they massaged my back. My chest hurt after that and I was really uncomfortable with being practically undressed anywhere other than in my room.

Upon settling the bill, we set out for lunch. We didn’t want to waste time at a restaurant and compromised with Taco Bell.

“Shopping time!” My mother sang, while I groaned softly. I finished up the last bit of my nachos and we headed for Bloomingdale’s.

“I insist you try this, Melody! It will suit you very well.” I looked at the lilac lace and chiffon babydoll with a mixture of uncertainty and horror. It looked more like lingerie than clothes I’d wear outside or to school. In fact, I didn’t look like anything I’d normally wear.

I surveyed myself in the mirror. The slender spaghetti straps rested lightly on my shoulder, while the top part of the babydoll clung to my chest and flowed out at the bottom. Oh God, I look like some kind of slut-wannabe. And I’m not even pretty enough to carry this look off.

I wanted to take it off, but my mother demanded that I show her how I looked. Reluctantly, I stepped out of the changing room.

“Melody! You look absolutely gorgeous in that! I’m definitely buying that for you.”

“Mom, don’t. It doesn’t suit my style nor my appearance and I look like a slut.”

“You do not!”

She wouldn’t budge on the matter and she bought it anyway. Note to self: Chuck that thing in the deepest corner of my cupboard. The other articles of clothing she purchased for me were not much of an improvement. There were a few t-shirts and long pants, but also a significant number of sleeveless tops and short pants.

“Next stop, lingerie!” Nooooo, someone help me.

We passed rows of mannequins in sexy lingerie until we reached one of the sales attendants.

“Excuse me, I’d like to get my daughter’s measurements please.” The old lady whipped out a measuring tape and wrapped it around my chest area. My face turned pink in embarrassment.

“She’s a 32B.”

“Mmhmm. Just as I thought, you’re no longer an A.”

Just as she thought?!

We browsed through, actually my mother browsed through the neat rows of bras while I decided to take a sudden, intense interest for the beige carpet.

“How about these?” She held out a few possible candidates. They all had lace, ribbons or patterns sewn onto them. Also, some of them had flashy colours, like red. No way. No way am I wearing any of those.

I sighed. I knew she had my interests at heart, but sometimes her taste in clothes for me was too scary.

“Mom, no one is going to see my bra, so can we just stick to plain ones?”

“But these designs are so sweet.” She gushed.

“You’ve already coerced me into getting some clothes I wouldn’t normally wear. At least do me a small favour and let me choose this time.”

“Very well, Melody.” She smiled at me, patting my head lightly. Hanging up her choices, she trailed after me as I picked out a few plain white ones.

We skipped the cosmetics section, because according to my mother, she had enough to share with me. Not that I’d want to use them.

After we left Bloomingdale’s, we grabbed a drink at ‘Orange Julius’ and sat down to rest.

“We have one more stop for today. It’s a surprise for you.”

“What is it?”

“You’ll know when we get there.” She smiled mischievously. I did not know whether to be eager or afraid.

***

“W-what?!” I stammered and my mother frowned.

“Oh dear, that was not the reaction I was looking for.” She sighed. Look what you’ve done, Melody. You’ve made your mother unhappy. Nice going.

“I was just… taken aback. Really, thanks.” I beamed, but wasn’t completely sincere.

“Well, what are we waiting for? Come on.”

We walked through the opaque, black double doors and the place was… wow. These people must really be professionals. The interior was lavishly decorated, with huge gold rimmed mirrors, expensive-looking leather chairs and high-tech equipment.

“Welcome to ‘La Scizsors’! How may I help you?” A young man with an awesome hairstyle came strutting up to greet us. He was quite what I expected; Feminine, diva-like attitude, the pink shirt…

“I wish to give my daughter a new hairstyle. Something that will make her more beautiful than she already is.”

Already is? Who are we kidding here? Ourselves.

“Leave that all to ‘moi’. My name is Fabian and I will make your daughter supermodel worthy!”

I snorted, not only because of the way he spoke, but also because of his unachievable goal. Even if he could style hair until they were as amazing as his, there were always exceptions, those who were beyond help.

Fabian look scandalised. “You doubt Fabian?! Fine, I will prove it to Miss…”

“Melody.” I replied politely.

“Ah, I will prove it to Miss Melody. No one will call you ugly after I am through with you!”

I was seated in one of the leather chairs as Fabian began his ‘masterpiece’, as he called it. I feel kind of sorry for the disappointment he’s going to experience. I untied my hair and removed my glasses. He didn’t pick up any items. Instead, he tilted my head up, down, left and right to get different views of my profile. He would grab locks of my hair and move them around, as if to see where he should pin them to.

Right next to me, my mother sat and watched the entire process, chuckling heartily.

“Right,” Fabian clapped his hands together eventually. “Fabian has decided what he will do. But first, we must have a good canvas before Fabian can paint on it.”

Uhh… canvas? Paint? What the?

I was led into an empty room with three identical chairs, like the ones you see at the dentist, except it was parallel to the ground. At the head of the chairs were basins.

I lay on one of the chair and placed my head in the basin. I heard the sound of a faucet turn on and felt my hair become damp. Then a pleasant floral fragrance floated in the air as Fabian scrubbed my hair thoroughly and gave my head a massage in the process. One or two bubbles ascended towards the ceiling and were popped by Fabian, who muttered something about bubbles ruining his hairstyle. After rinsing out the shampoo, conditioner was applied to the ends of my hair. When he was done washing my hair, Fabian gingerly lifted my head and placed a towel at the back of my head. He wrapped the towel over my hair and ushered me outside.

After the noisy hairdryer was shut off and the towel discarded, I closed my eyes and waited. I could feel his comb working its way down the length of my hair, hear the snipping sounds the scissors would make and occasionally wince when he tugged too hard on the tangles in my hair. There were also unfamiliar sounds, strange pulling sensations and heat would sometimes flash against my neck, but I resolved to keep my eyes shut.

It seemed as if ages had passed, when Fabian was finally done with me. I could hear my mother get all emotional, mumbling “Fabian, I really can’t thank you enough. She’s… simply stunning.”

“It was nothing.” Fabian humbly replied. “Miss Melody, you can open your eyes now. Fabian is done.”

I took a deep breath and counted. One… two… three!

My eyelids fluttered open and I was temporarily blinded by the lights after being in the dark for so long. Once I had readjusted to the light, I faced the huge mirror in front of me.

Her lush brown hair was draped delicately on her shoulders. She had been given a long fringe that swept to one side and could be tucked behind her ear. It didn’t cover her face and hide her eyes like some of the kids in school did. She turned her head so that the back could be seen reflected on the mirror. Her tresses were layered and the shortest and outermost layer of her hair was given loose curls. Her hair was wavier than usual.

I couldn’t hold back my joy anymore and broke into a wide grin. For once, I looked ordinary in contrast to my usual ugliness.

I searched around for my glasses, which my mother had kept with her. “Melody, I think you should give up this pair of glasses, and wear contacts instead. I bought you clear ones so that they don’t change the natural beauty of your eye colour.

She reached into a black bag with the brand ‘EyeSpy’ on it, and pulled out a small, flat rectangular box. I opened it up and cautiously picked up a contact and carefully placed it on my eye. It was a weird feeling, but I would get used to it.

Exiting the hair salon after my mother had paid a ridiculous amount of money for the haircut, we bade Fabian goodbye.

“You have a very beautiful daughter, Madam.” He remarked, before disappearing behind the double doors.

Aside from the pair of stockings my mother bought, which she needed for work, she did not purchase any clothes for herself, nor did she get a new hairstyle for herself. She had done all this for me; an expensive makeover just to make me feel better about myself.

I graciously thanked my mother and hugged her tightly. She had gone through so much to do all of this for me. As I hugged her, I smiled sadly to myself. If only you knew, Mother.

No one ever notices a wallflower.


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22 Reviews


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Sat Feb 07, 2009 3:44 am
girlwithquestions wrote a review...



Oh. My. Goodness.

I laughed so hard when her mom was buying her the bras. HAHA! That is exactly what I would do! Plus, my mom would be talking the loudest in the whole store!

I think it's neat how you are able to make the characters relate to real people. Nice work!
And this story is really sad in a way.

She has such low self-esteem! But, I like how she got a 'makeover.' It's giving me some hope for the poor girl!




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Thu Jan 29, 2009 10:27 pm
thedelphinater wrote a review...



I loved this, mostly because I can sooooo relate!

“Mom, no one is going to see my bra, so can we just stick to plain ones?”

I have that argument with people all the time! This whole chapter was so utterly and completely hilarious and realistic. Awesomeness!




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Thu Jan 29, 2009 8:29 pm
asxz wrote a review...



WOW, I know how she feels. I absolutely hate shopping! its the most annoying thing, and i have a sister, who is an absolute shopaholic. (who could imagine a weirder pair)
anyway, thumbs up from me, although i don't really read romance, i am finding this slightly tolerable. (that's the best you can get for romance by the way)




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Sun Jan 04, 2009 8:28 pm
*writewatiwant* wrote a review...



he he... this one really caught me!
So funny!!!! :D
Again, nothing to say... -_-' You'd be surprised with my self-esteem... either as a writer or a person... LOL
I can really relate to her, and that's an awfully good thing in a character :D
*on to the next* Keep writing! :D




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Tue Dec 30, 2008 3:15 am
SeleneForeverDream wrote a review...



Ah-mazing, once again. Her mother-daughter outing was quite amusing. Her bra sizing made me laugh and her massage session made me think back to my first one. I actually put this cover-up on backwards, so all the massage therapists were laughing at me. :oops: She's pretty flat for someone who's going into high school, but it sounded just like a mom when she said:

“Mmhmm. Just as I thought, you’re no longer an A.”

Just as she thought?!


It's just so motherly and hysterical. I love this chapter and can't wait to read your next!




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Mon Dec 29, 2008 2:22 am
Meep(: says...



*gasp* Slap me???
*Ponders*
You live in England right?
Can you slap me with fish & chips then? :D

Sorry, just like Melody, I have self-esteem issues.
:/




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Mon Dec 29, 2008 2:10 am
Clup91 wrote a review...



What I'll do is sit back one day and edit it on Word(tm) and send it to you as a pm, because I can't be arsed to figure out how to use the quote thingy!

I'm seeing signs of Playing the Field here, which I find brilliant 'cus to me that's a YWS classic in my books! :D Evident of a trademark here...you seem to have your MC to have a lot of insecurities in either obvious or unusual places- is this insecurity -much like your disclaimers before your chapters- stemming from YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU??? Stop doubting your literary abilities! >.< Gosh I would slap you with a fish if you were around!

I loved the ending bit- hold that, I was shocked by the ending line, becuase that actually had a big impact on me. It came from nowhere, but this constant reference to the prologue is very touching and just proves to me that the prologue wasn't a classic tell-all thing. THAT LINE -gosh that line!- is giving me the feeling that her loneliness is going to take a lot more than just a haircut and backrub to make her feel any better.

Brilliant!




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Sun Dec 28, 2008 11:14 pm
Meep(: says...



*blinks*
Not enough description?
Gah... I'm always either underdoing it, or overdoing it.
I was told last time not to describe everything when the readers can figure it out themselves,
Now I'm describing too little T.T

Anyway, Melody said she was a lost cause because she has low self-esteem,
She had the issue where she was really upset that the kids at school wouldn't befriend her,
And her own biological parents didn't even want her.
And she blames herself, for her misfortune,
So naturally, stuff like "It's because you're ugly that no one looks at you or wants you",
Will pop up in her head.

Apparently I didn't do a very good job at implying that in the story :(
Oh well, there's always time to improve! :D




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Sun Dec 28, 2008 7:44 pm
ashleylee wrote a review...



Hey, Meep. I’m back because I really am enjoying this story. Well, hopefully this review helps.

I had only been on the job for a week, but was forced to quit and start my quarantine immediately. I had actually gotten a call from the boss himself, Mister Peyton.


Wait, why would she have to quit her job because she has the chicken pox? Why wouldn’t she just take a leave of absence for a couple of weeks? Explain , here.

That included shopping for new clothes which I could never carry off looking good with, purchasing cosmetics and going for spas which could not enhance my looks. I was a lost cause.


Why does she think she’s a lost cause? You’ll have to expand on her thoughts here because otherwise, the reader doesn’t really understand why she is feeling this way.

“How does it feel, Melody? Do you feel your pores feel unclogged?”


The second statement is super awkward. Maybe try: …Melody? Do you feel that your pores are unclogged? or something like that :wink:

“Mom, don’t. It doesn’t suit my style nor my appearance and I look like a slut.”


Lol! Did she really just say she looked like a slut to her mom?! Oh, gosh! If I ever said that my mom would have a heart attack. But if that’s Melody’s personality, I say go for it! :D

~ ~ ~ ~

Wow, I loved this chapter, Meep! Most of the time, I was either laughing hysterically at Melody’s thoughts or smiling with glee at the end. It was written very nicely :D

My only suggestion would be to maybe slow it down a bit and add more description. Otherwise, I look forward to more of this =)




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Sun Dec 28, 2008 4:32 am
Linx wrote a review...



Aw..... I believe you have the lowest self-esteem that I have ever seen. This was great!

We had already spent two hours being pampered by the spa staff. Face masks, floral baths, massages, you name it, we did it. The massage really freaked me out. In the end, I felt like the knots in my body were loosened, but I wasn’t allowed to wear my clothes except my underwear. Then I was required to lie on my stomach while they massaged my back. My chest hurt after that and I was really uncomfortable with being practically undressed anywhere other than in my room.

HaHa. That was funny. I don't blame her.

“I insist you try this, Melody! It will suit you very well.” I looked at the lilac lace and chiffon babydoll with a mixture of uncertainty and horror.

Put dress after babydoll. It took me a minute to realize what you were saying.
“Mmhmm. Just as I thought, you’re no longer an A.”

Just as she thought?!

*bursts out laughing* Oh man! HaHa. Beautifully written there. HaHa.

No way. No way am I wearing any of those.

You don't have to say no way twice. Just take out the first one and it should be fine.


“But these designs are so sweet.” Comma not period She gushed.


Already is? Who are we kidding here? Ourselves.

Is she answering her question here, or just saying it with the question. If she's not answering the question, there needs to be a question mark after it.

She had been given a long fringe that swept to one side and could be tucked behind her ear

Fringe is the same thing as bangs, right?


This was well written, just like usual, Meep. I loved that first part with Nathaniel's point of view. I can't wait to see what's in store.
You know the drill. PM me if you have any questions and when you post the next chapter. :D





Nouns can verb very well actually, they verb better than some verbs do.
— winterwolf0100