man.
you're really good! I love how you get right to the point of what's happening in your story without making it seem like it's going to fast.
and i'm seein some chemistry here between these too.
oooh la la!!!
=]
z
I hope this isn't too far-fetched.
Thanks for your comments!
----------
I ended up getting a job as a concierge at the Peyton Hotel. It was a luxury hotel with quite a few chains internationally. The owner must be filthy stinking rich.
“I’ve already called a cab for you and it should arrive in approximately five minutes.” I smiled warmly at the elderly woman. “Would you like me to call for help with your luggage? They look awfully heavy.”
“No, but thank you very much. You’re very kind. Well, I best be off now. Have a nice day!”
“Thanks, you too!” I called after her as she shuffled past the revolving doors, towing two enormous sized luggage bags. After she was out of my sight, I sat down and sorted out the brochures meant for the hotel patrons.
“Fancy meeting you here, Piano.”
Only one person would call me ‘Piano’. Aw, crud.
I massaged my temples in frustration. Hell, even during the holidays, there was no escape. “What are you doing here?” I swung the swivel chair around to face him.
“What are you doing here?” He counter-asked.
I pointed to my nametag, “Summer job. Duh.”
“Me too, though I’m some sort of intern here. Higher ranked than you still.”
“What did you do? Bribe the owner?”
He tapped his chin thoughtfully and raised his eyes to the crystal chandelier on the ceiling. “Hmm, maybe. I know Mister Peyton. We're kinda related.”
I rolled my eyes. Nepotism lives. Great. “Fine, whatever. Just quit teasing me while I’m here, Nathaniel. I like being left alone (by him).”
“Can tell, Piano.” He grinned cheekily, infuriating me even further. My nerves were always stretched thin by him. “But I can’t promise that I won’t tease you.”
“And stop calling me ‘Piano’! My name is Melody.” I snapped.
He didn’t say anything, but merely chuckled and ambled off in a confident manner (or should I say in a conceited manner).
***
“Hey, you wanna go out for dinner after your shift? The boss wants to treat you for doing a good job. Apparently you were highly praised for your excellent service.”
“You’re going too?”
“Uh-huh.”
“You were actually capable of doing a good job?” I asked incredulously, purposely widening my eyes in disbelief. He shrugged, unbothered by my insult.
“So we’re dining with the boss?”
“Nope. Just you and me.”
“No thanks then.”
“What?! You’re denying yourself a fabulous opportunity to dine with the awesome Nathaniel? You must be insane!” He looked appalled.
“I’m perfectly sane. You’re the one who’s stark raving mad if you think yourself anywhere near awesome, Nat.”
“I’m not delusional, Melody. You’re just-”
“Did you just call me ‘Nat’?!”
“Did you just call me ‘Melody’?!” I cried in unison. “Uhh… it was too troublesome to call you by your full name, that’s all. It’s too long winded.”
“It’s not, and I rather like the name ‘Nathaniel’ myself. Humph.” He huffed, then turned defensive. “I-I just wanted to try out your name. I don’t think I’ll use it again. I don’t fancy it much.”
I glared at him wordlessly. Jerk.
“Anyway, why not?” He demanded, pouting adorably. Wait, WHAT? What the heck, Nathaniel can’t be adorable!
“Why not what?”
“Why won’t you accept the treat?”
“Because.”
“Because what?”
“Just because. Do I need an excuse to decline?”
“Yes.”
“Says who?” I retorted, getting more incensed by the minute.
“Mel, it wouldn’t kill you to-“
“Don’t call me ‘Mel’!”
“Fine, Melody. It wouldn’t kill you to tell me the reason.” His tone was near pleading. Near pleading, but not there yet.
I eyed him suspiciously, “You’re not going to leave me alone if I don’t tell you, are you?”
“Not a chance!” He grinned and I noticed, though faint, he had dimples. Really cute ones.
Damn it, Melody. Stop that.
I sighed exasperatedly, giving in. “Fine. If it makes you leave me alone after this.”
He promptly punched his right fist in the air. “Victory, thy name is Nathaniel!” He exclaimed in euphoria, looking as if he had just won the lottery.
I did not have time for his silly antics, “Do you want to listen to the reason or not?”
“Okay, okay. I’ll be good.”
“It’s because if the boss isn’t going, it’ll just be the two of us.”
He stared at me for a moment, as if he were expecting me to say more. Then he blinked, “… so?” he trailed off suggestively.
I slapped my forehead. “Gosh, do I need to spell it out for you?”
“Umm… yes please, ma’am?” He smiled sheepishly at me.
“If it’s just the two of us, it would seem much too like a date.” I enunciated each syllable slowly, as if talking to a mentally deficient person. “Comprehend?”
“Well, just pretend its just dinner. It isn’t a date afterall… though I can make it a date if you want.” He winked at me, a wicked grin creeping up his face.
“That’s it, I’m leaving.” I declared hotly, storming off. Before I could escape out of the hotel’s revolving doors, a strong hand gripped me firmly on the wrist. Nathaniel steered me around to face him.
“Hey now, Mellykins. Just where do ya think you’re going?”
“Away from you, as far as possible.”
“You wound me deeply.” He clutched his chest tightly with his free hand, pretending to look hurt, giving me puppy dog eyes.
“Like I care. Goodbye.” I tried to wrench myself from his grasp but failed. “Let me go!” I hissed, my temper flaring at a very dangerous level.
“Not gonna happen, dear.”
“Shut up. I’m not your ‘dear’.” I growled and I could feel my nostrils flaring. “And why can’t I go? You’re not the boss of me, Nathaniel.”
“Technically, my position is higher than you. Secondly, I do recall that you have a job in this hotel and that your shift is still on.”
“Crap!” I shrieked, grabbing a fistful of my hair. “I’ve got to get back now!” I abruptly jerked away from forcefully (he let down his guard enough for me to free myself). The impact was enough for him to fall flat on his face with a muffled “Oomph!”
Thankfully, it did not seem that anyone had required my services during my, I hope, brief period of absence and Nathaniel did not look me up while I was still on shift.
At eight in the evening, I prepared to head home for the day.
“Keyes! Over here!”
“Darn it.” I muttered and quickened my steps, but was still overtaken by Nathaniel.
“So where are we going for dinner?”
“Hmm… let’s see,” I flashed him a false, sickly sweet smile, “I can go home and you can have dinner on some other planet, preferably Pluto, far away from me because I am never going anywhere with you. Not even if my life depended on it.”
“Touchy, aren’t you? And so rude. If you knew my full name, things would probably different.”
“What? I don’t give a damn about your surname, unless you’re Donald Trump’s son or something. In fact, I still wouldn’t care.”
“Eh, no. Not a Trumper. He doesn’t even have a son? But you’ll find out in High school, I guess. If we’re classmates.”
“I dearly hope and pray that we will not be. Also that lightning strike me dead if we are.”
“I would love to be your classmate.”
“Over my dead body.”
“Oh dear, I should hope not. It’s no fun to bother a corpse.”
“Moron.”
“Hot head.”
“Infuriating twit.”
“Rude shrew.”
“Nepotistic asshole.” I snarled viciously, hitting the breaking point of my patience. “Whatever! Have fun eating dinner alone. I’m going home.”
“Hold on, Missy.” Sweeping me into his arms despite my loud expletive filled protest, I was carried out of the hotel and onto the streets, where we drew numerous curious and shocked stares from passers-by.
“Let. Me. Down!” I screeched, clawing and swiping at my kidnapper. “I’ll kill you! I’ll freaking destroy you. I swear I will, even if it’s the last thing I’ll ever do!”
He pinned my flailing arms to my sides and I could not free myself from his tight grasp. Once, the stupid dimwit even told a curious passer-by, “My girlfriend! Don’t worry, I’m not kidnapping her or anything. Just my girl out to dinner.”
The stout, balding man proceeded to clap and cheer for Nathaniel, chortling “You go, boy! Sweep the reluctant little lady off her feet! Whoo!”
I managed to free an arm while Nathaniel was momentarily distracted and dealt him a resounding smack on the head with my purse. I can’t believe this imbecile is actually kidnapping me! His girlfriend?! As if! I am so going to murder him and the police are never going to find his body when I’m finished with him.
“Damn, you hit hard.” He muttered, but kept his arms tightly grasped around me rather than nurse his injury.
“It’ll be ten times harder if you don’t put me down this instant!” I snarled.
“Why are you so obstinate? Why won’t you accept the boss’ treat?” He pouted, his lower lip jutting out, “Just because of me…”
“I detest, loathe and despise you.”
“How do you think Mister Peyton will react when he finds out his concierge gave his intern a black eye over a dinner treat from him?”
“I refuse to talk you any further.” I could see we weren’t going anywhere with this pointless arguing. Time for ‘Plan B’.
“Oh really?” He smirked, placing me back on my feet and dragging me into ‘Cal’s Diner’, two blocks from the hotel. I made no effort to resist. Hang in there, Melody. Almost there.
Pulling out the red plastic chair and motioning for me to sit, I complied grudgingly. He look surprised at my sudden submissiveness but was pleased for the change. A waiter came by to inform us of the ‘Soup of the Day’, which was Minestrone. I heard the sound of ice against glass. That’s my cue.
Seizing the glass of ice water, I rose up and poured the liquid down his black polo shirt, just like in the movies.
“Loser!” I snapped, snatching up my purse and stalking out of the diner, but not before I saw Nathaniel’s reaction.
“Gaaah!!!” He gasped in shock, leaping into the air then wringing the shirt he had ripped off himself. I could not help giggling at the sweet satisfaction of getting my payback.
Revenge is truly a dish best served cold.
man.
you're really good! I love how you get right to the point of what's happening in your story without making it seem like it's going to fast.
and i'm seein some chemistry here between these too.
oooh la la!!!
=]
man.
you're really good! I love how you get right to the point of what's happening in your story without making it seem like it's going to fast.
and i'm seein some chemistry here between these too.
oooh la la!!!
=]
Awesome job! I don't generally like romance and all that jazz, but I'm actually like this. A few little things though. I think a few were already said, so I apologize.
“Anyway, why not?” He demanded, pouting adorably. Wait, WHAT? What the heck, Nathaniel can’t be adorable!
“I’m not delusional, Melody. You’re just-”
“Did you just call me ‘Nat’?!”
“Eh, no. Not a Trumper. He doesn’t even have a son? But you’ll find out in High school, I guess. If we’re classmates.”
Hi there Meep!
I'm a bit late on the reviews, I've been busy
Awesome chapter!
OMG, I'm completely loving the story! It's completely hilarious and also real. You know when there's those stories that oyu read but thing "No way!", like in romance and stuff, in this one you can actually see it happen.
“I refuse to talk you any further.”
OKay, I only found one line that wasn't right by me:
I sighed exasperatedly this should be just exasperated. The adverb sounds awkward and just an adjective would do fine., giving in. “Fine. If it makes you leave me alone after this.”
Oh my gosh, Meep! Another exciting addition to this story that I would TOTALLY read if it was on a shelf somewhere. I'm following this so avidly, I'm beginning to amaze myself. But, not as much as you're amazing me. ;D Wonderful, wonderful job, might I say.
Let me just make a suggestion here - you do quite a lot of dialoguing without labelling who's saying it. I know it becomes tiresome when authors do a "he said - then she said - " type of thing, but just commenting that I got confused a couple times there.
So now that's done with, let me point out all my favorite parts. (:
“It’s not, and I rather like the name ‘Nathaniel’ myself. Humph.” He huffed, then turned defensive. “I-I just wanted to try out your name. I don’t think I’ll use it again. I don’t fancy it much.”
He promptly punched his right fist in the air. “Victory, thy name is Nathaniel!” He exclaimed in euphoria, looking as if he had just won the lottery.
“If it’s just the two of us, it would seem much too like a date.” I enunciated each syllable slowly, as if talking to a mentally deficient person. “Comprehend?”
“Well, just pretend its just dinner. It isn’t a date afterall… though I can make it a date if you want.” He winked at me, a wicked grin creeping up his face.
“That’s it, I’m leaving.” I declared hotly, storming off. Before I could escape out of the hotel’s revolving doors, a strong hand gripped me firmly on the wrist. Nathaniel steered me around to face him.
“Hey now, Mellykins. Just where do ya think you’re going?”
“Away from you, as far as possible.”
“Eh, no. Not a Trumper. He doesn’t even have a son? But you’ll find out in High school, I guess. If we’re classmates.”
I massaged my temples in frustration. Hell, even during the holidays, there was no escape.
I ended up getting a job as a concierge at the Peyton Hotel. It was a luxury hotel with quite a few chains internationally. The owner must be filthy stinking rich.
*beams* Your comments all make me very happy
At least I know someone likes it
Anyway, I think I'll put an explanation here,
For Melody's maturity. (I'll try to fit it in somewhere in the story.)
She doesn't have friends, we know that.
She's never experienced what normal children would have.
Going to a dance, playing catch with one another, going shopping, watching movies, pajyama parties etc...
Because there wasn't anyone to do it with her.
She has not been influenced much by children and she is closer to her parents.
Assumably, she is also closer to the adults. Her relatives, parent's friends, etc...
So naturally she unconsciously starts acting a bit like them.
But this doesn't mean she isn't a child at heart.
You just need someone, some kid, to be her friend.
Eep. I am really bad at explainations, plus
This is my own logic for Melody's character. Sorry...
*duck for cover! flees*
Wow. You had me laughing until there were tears coming out of my eyes. Awesome job!!
'Ello, Meep! This story is getting so addicting. I couldn't help myself but to rush over here to read the next part
“Fine, whatever. Just quit teasing me while I’m here, Nathaniel. I like being left alone (by him).”
“Anyway, why not?” He demanded, pouting adorably. Wait, WHAT? What the heck, Nathaniel can’t be adorable!
“Fine, Melody. It wouldn’t kill you to tell me the reason.” His tone was near pleading. Near pleading, but not there yet.
He pinned my flailing arms to my sides and I could not free myself from his tight grasp. Once, the stupid dimwit even told a curious passer-by, “My girlfriend! Don’t worry, I’m not kidnapping her or anything. Just my girl out to dinner.”
The stout, balding man proceeded to clap and cheer for Nathaniel, chortling “You go, boy! Sweep the reluctant little lady off her feet! Whoo!”
Revenge is truly a dish best served cold.
Legend!
That was funny ^_^
I liked his stubborness physically[i/i] evident and her stubborness [i]vocally. With his strong attitude and her strong-minded persona, it looks like this kind of love ain't going to form so easily. That was sick!
There's shizwhiz pointed out already so there's no point revising it for you, it's rude to point out things more than once. It would seem patroizing, yes?
x
Ah, that was hiliarious! I loved it! I'm actually loving everything that you have already posted for this, even if I haven't told you.
I rolled my eyes. Nepotism lives. Great. “Fine, whatever. Just quit teasing me while I’m here, Nathaniel. I like being left alone (by him).”
He didn’t say anything, but merely chuckled and ambled off in a confident manner (or should I say in a conceited manner).
“I’m not delusional, Melody. You’re just-”
“Did you just call me ‘Nat’?!”
“Says who?” I retorted, getting more incensed by the minute.
“Eh, no. Not a Trumper. He doesn’t even have a son? That question mark should be a period. But you’ll find out in High school, I guess. If we’re classmates.”
Points: 1040
Reviews: 22
Donate