z

Young Writers Society


12+ Violence

On Wings of Fire: Chapter 5

by Mea


“Let me guess — Ashbourne is an underground city.”

Fyn sighed. After their second day of traveling, they had arrived at the base of the mountain range, winding through canyons until they had reached the dark opening with a crude wooden sign labeled “Ashbourne, South Entrance” hanging above it. “Yes, it’s underground.”

Cassia eyed the tunnel with her hands on her hips. “You could have told me.”

“I forgot,” Fyn said. “Go on, you’re going in front. And try to actually act like a human for once.” As an angel, Cassia was definitely not supposed to be in Selachen, but as long as she wore her cloak to hide her wings, she could pass as human. The problem was, her demeanor was decidedly not human — she needed to keep her shoulders stooped, her eyes down, and most of all her mouth shut. They weren’t the only ones on the road — a trade caravan was just a few minutes behind them, and a coal shipment had just emerged from the exit tunnel a hundred feet to the right.

To his surprise, Cassia didn’t argue. He followed her into the yawning gap, sighing contentedly as darkness swallowed him.

Like most of the tunnels drakes burrowed, it was nearly circular, with a low roof and rough stone walls. It was only meant to be traveled along in one direction — two drakes couldn’t have possibly squeezed past each other. Fyn stretched himself out, crouching low and slithering forward almost on his belly, moving at a comfortable pace. It felt good to be underground again, to be able to see in the soft grays of his dark sight rather than squinting in the harsh light of the sun. The walls pressing in around him were soothing and protective, and with Cassia right in front of him, he could at least keep on eye on —

A bright light flared in front of Fyn. He cried out, shutting his eyes as a lance of pain shot through his skull.

“Oh, did I blind you?” Cassia’s voice said. “Sorry, I guess I should have warned you.”

Fyn couldn’t tell if she was mocking him or not. “Put it out,” he hissed, his eyes still screwed shut. Through his lids, he could see her hand glowing like the moon.

“What? No, I need it to see.”

I don’t,” Fyn said angrily. “I wanted the dark. Put it out!” He chanced opening his eyes and found that he had adjusted back to his daylight vision now. Cassia was pointing her glowing palm at the ceiling, her stubborn face flushed. Beyond the light it gave off, he could see almost nothing of the tunnel.

“I’m not going down there without a light,” she said. “Not when I can’t see.”

“Scared?” Fyn taunted without thinking. The light still hurt — he could feel a headache coming on.

She reeled back, just a little bit, her fists clenched. “No. Just smart. I’ll twist my ankle or walk into something if I can’t see.”

She is scared, Fyn thought, seeing her chest heave. Suddenly, his anger drained away. What was the point in making her walk miles in pitch darkness? She probably would stumble over every bit of loose scrag, and that would just slow them down. He was pretty sure that human workers used light when they came down here.

He pretended to consider what she’d said. “Then dim it,” he told her. “I’m not staring at that the whole way down. I’ll go blind.”

“That’s fair,” Cassia said, sounding relieved, and with a touch, she dimmed the light to a soft glow.

They didn’t speak again until they had climbed down deep into the earth and rock that was Selach’s domain and emerged into the vast underground cavern that housed the town and mines of Ashbourne.

Even with his darkvision, Fyn could only see about halfway across the cavern. The town itself was small, only a few thousand workers, but the mines stretched for miles. Past the first few fused stalagmites and stalactites that supported the cavern’s great roof, he could only tell anything was there by the sparse glow of lanterns hung for the human workers’ sakes. It wasn’t the largest cavern in Selachen, not by a long shot, and they were still too close to the surface — there wasn’t a river of magma in sight — but it was beautiful.

As they followed the pathway down into town, shadows rose up and become buildings around them. They were rickety structures, wooden mostly, and Fyn had to watch where he was putting his tail for fear of knocking them down. It didn’t help that the streets were even narrower than the alleyways back in Promise. At least here, they were nearly empty, with usually just the shadow of a human disappearing around the corner, or an enforcement drake coming down the street with whip coiled in hand.

He frowned when he realized that every drake they passed was in human form. After a moment’s consideration — if everyone here was doing it, then it had to be okay — he changed too, his snout shrinking into a scaled nose, his paws splitting into delicate-fingered hands. He flexed his fingers and adjusted the pouch in which he had been carrying Iona’s file.

Belatedly, he registered an alarmed squeak from behind him. He turned and saw Cassia with her back to him, hands over her eyes. “What under the earth are you doing?” he demanded.

Cassia peeked at him through her hands, then straightened up, looking embarrassed. “I knew drakes had a human form, but I didn’t know the transformation came with clothes.”

“You learn how,” Fyn said flatly. “Or get nipped until you do.”

As they’d entered the town, Cassia had spent several minutes craning her neck in every direction, and now she had drawn uncomfortably close to Fyn, walking right alongside him with her hand on that pouch she always carried at her waist. He was irritated to see that she was only an inch shorter than him.

“Where are we going?” she finally asked him.

“To her family’s house,” Fyn said. “They’ll be gone already, but we need to pick up their trail. Iona will be at the end of it.”

They turned down one street, then another. Fyn checked the paper again. This was it. He quickened his pace, straining his eyes to see in the dim light, his darkvision gone in this form. It was getting late in the day, though you couldn’t tell down here except by the clocks on the street corners, and most of the windows in both the stone bunkers and the wooden homes on the other side of the street were lit.

Except for one. Fyn stopped in his tracks, looking up at a three-story housing tenement that should have housed Iona’s family along with several others. Instead, it stood dark and silent. Not a single room was lit.

Fyn stomped up the steps and kicked the door open. The bang echoed eerily across the deserted, half-lit street.

“Help me search the house,” he said to Cassia. “We’re looking for any clues about where they went. We’ll scare the neighbors into talking if we have to.”

The rooms were nearly bare of personal belongings, but what was there lay scattered about haphazardly, mostly books and scraps of paper, a child’s doll, a wooden sword. Fyn checked in the basement, searching for loose floorboards and other hiding places, but found nothing.

Then he heard a tiny sneeze. He spun and saw the wooden barrel in the corner rocking gently.

“Show yourself,” he said loudly. “By order of Selach!"

The barrel stopped rocking. Other than that, nothing happened.

Fyn approached the barrel and looked inside, but it looked empty. Had he been seeing things? He turned to leave — and heard another sneeze. This time he stared at the barrel for a full two seconds before he remembered.

“Magic,” he snarled, and plunged his hand into the barrel. It passed right through the illusion of an empty interior, and his fist closed on a squirming bundle of cloth. He lifted it out of the barrel and saw that he was holding a human child, stick-thin with grimy blond hair.

“Get off me, I’m not one of them, I don’t got anything you want —” the child was saying. He wasn’t much more than a bundle of rags and pale skin.

“Oh, but I think you do,” Fyn said. The kid was pathetic — getting information out of him should be easy. So why was his heart pounding so fast?

He pressed the kid up against the wall above the barrel, pinning his skinny frame easily. “Tell me where they went.”

“Where who went?” the kid said blandly.

“I’m warning you, don’t be difficult. The family that lived here before.”

“How woulds I know? I’m just squatting here now it’s empty.”

Fyn just waited, tightening the grip on the boy’s chest. A whine of worry rose in the back of his mind — what if this kid really didn’t know anything, and he was threatening him for nothing?

Fyn pushed forward anyway. The kid had to know something. Humans were always in cahoots with each other. “You’re not just a squatter. They left what, two days ago? And the whole building is empty, too, not just their rooms. I think this whole block knows where they went, and you’re going to tell me.”

The boy shook his head, suddenly defiant. “I’m not telling you nothing. They was nice to me sometimes, I ain’t getting them killed.”

Without conscious thought, Fyn’s hand shot up and pinned the boy’s throat. A powerful sort of rage unlike any he had ever felt before was coursing through him. How dare this boy delay his mission? His mote of Selach pulsed in time with the pounding of his blood.

“You’re a magic-user,” Fyn growled. “I’m guessing the other drakes here haven’t picked up on that little fact yet, or you’d be in one of their training schools instead of here. Well —” he gave the boy a little shake to underline his point — “it’d be very, very easy to take you upstairs and show you to that Watcher on the corner. He’d know what to do with you.”

The boy’s face drained of color, and not just because Fyn was holding him by the throat Fyn had noticed the whip marks around the boy’s legs. He was likely already a runaway.

Fyn waited, lowering his grip so the boy’s feet found the floor again and he could breathe. The child was shaking, and when he spoke, his voice was barely more than a whisper.

“They didn’t tell anyone they were leaving. Went so fast, you see. But as they was leaving, I — I heard them say —”

He broke off. Coldly, Fyn kneed him in the stomach. He doubled over, retching. “They went to Haven! That’s where everyone goes, to Haven!”

Fyn had never heard of the place before. “Are you lying to me?”

“No, I swear it! It’s somewhere in the Haverin Forest. I don’t know where. It’s half legend.”

“Legend doesn’t help,” Fyn said in his ear. “I need a starting point to track them.”

“Blackspin road. They started on Blackspin road. That’s all I know, I swear.”

It was enough. Fyn knew that road; it was uncommonly used, and with any luck, they would be able to pick up the trail of Iona’s family and follow it straight to this Haven… and to her.

His blood still pounded in his head, rage still burning in his veins. But it felt strange and foreign now — Fyn had gotten what he needed, hadn’t he?

Abruptly, Fyn released the boy. “You’re free to go,” he said gruffly. “Get out before I change my mind.”

Still wheezing and clutching at his throat, the human boy scrambled to his feet and scurried past Fyn, dashing up the stairs of the basement without even a glance back.

Fyn looked at his clenched fist and flexed his fingers a few times. Then he left the dilapidated basement and went looking for Cassia.

***

Back on the road heading out of Selachen, Cassia studied Fyn from behind. He was back in his drake form, his tail sweeping the dirt as he stalked down the road. Cassia couldn’t bring herself to walk closer than three paces behind him; she felt more uneasy than ever around Fyn after Ashbourne.

She had been poking around upstairs when Fyn had come to find her. That in and of itself had been a grim enough task. She kept finding scraps of the lives of what must have been Iona’s family. A lovely oak chest, empty but too big to carry with them when they fled. A bandanna stained with coal dust. A doll that wasn’t much more than a rag tied with twine.

Cassia had lingered over that last one, found in the corner of the tiniest room. After a moment’s hesitance, she pocketed it. If they really did have to find Iona’s family, she could use it to scry on the young owner.

Then Fyn had appeared with a fixed sort of expression on his face. He’d said he had the information they needed, so they could leave, but he wouldn’t tell her how he’d done it.

“I think you’d be happier not knowing,” he’d said, with a sort of smug air, almost as if he knew that whatever he had done, what Cassia would imagine as she followed him the narrow, winding road through the mountains would be worse.

All told, Cassia was quite happy not mentioning that she could scry directly on Iona’s family until she absolutely had to. The night before, she had scried on the Treatise again, using the cushion she had taken from the Temple, and this time had seen it wrapped in a burlap sack, hidden underneath a bed in a tiny wooden hut. She had no way of knowing where the hut was, but Fyn had told her Iona’s family was heading to some sort of secret human encampment called Haven, and Cassia supposed that might be what she was seeing.

She was trying not to think about what would happen when they arrived. What if Fyn decided to attack? Would he kill Iona’s children, or just Iona?

But lurking behind that fear was another, deeper disquiet. Cassia couldn’t get the images of Ashbourne out of her head. The dilapidated, darkened buildings, with lanterns hung few and far between. The way she’d scarcely seen any human workers, though hundreds must have lived there, like they all kept to the shadows and out of sight. The few she had seen had averted their eyes and vanished in seconds.

Was that… normal for humans? It couldn’t be. She hadn’t seen very many humans in Promise, but the ones she had seen had all looked fine. Not hopeless and afraid like the ones in Ashbourne.

Was that why Iona had stolen the Treatise? Cassia hadn’t paused to think much about the face described in the file she had read back in Promise, but if her family lived in Ashbourne, she had to know what it was like there…

“What if she’s just angry?” Cassia said softly.

“What’s that?” Fyn swung his neck back to look at her.

“Just talking to myself.”

“Well, don’t.”

His curt response snapped Cassia’s thoughts back into place. Of course the drakes were practically keeping people in slavery. Why should she be surprised? It fit with everything she had ever heard of them. It probably was their fault the Treatise had been stolen in the first place.

Unfortunately, however valid Iona’s reasons for stealing the Treatise might be, Cassia couldn’t let it change her plans. They had to get the Treatise back for the Renewal. Everyone knew that losing the Treatise meant war between the gods, with the godformed as pawns. More urgently, who knew what missing the Renewal would do to her father’s health?

Still, as Cassia followed in Fyn’s wake, she made a whispered promise to herself. “We will do this without bloodshed. If at all possible.”


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
1232 Reviews


Points: 0
Reviews: 1232

Donate
Sun May 16, 2021 10:34 am
View Likes
MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi Mea,

Mailice here with a short review! :D

I'm at a point in the story now where I want to briefly mention how much I like the plot. I like the way you build and develop the story. I liked how you introduced the world of Fyn and the world of Cassia and how it turns into a very mismatched yet very endearing duo working together towards a common goal. I like how they both work together (or not). The synergy of the two is really well done and it reminds me in parts of a one-sided rivalry and also a bit of the classic motif of theory and practice.

I would also like to briefly interject here how it always pleases me to read when you present small details or describe things. Especially the short notes you include during dialogue, like Fyn kicking up a short flame, or the short note about a person showing his yellow teeth. You build a fun yet interesting world, and I like how Fyn and Cassia argue over every little detail, perhaps because they know too little of the other culture. But that's what makes it human. It's always a pleasure when you read something where you can tell the writer has put effort into it, using their heart and soul to put their ideas into words. It makes your chapters look professional and lively. They have charm and make you feel comfortable as a reader.

That's also my main motivation for reading in the first place; I want to be immersed in a world where you can feel good, no matter how bad it can be sometimes, and I want to see characters who seem real and convincing. Even your brief introductions of Fyn and Cassia were enough that you could picture them and that you could see a bit of what exactly their motives are. It should be noted here that I find Cassia to be more detailed in parts, and sometimes more central than Fyn.
But now back to the chapter: :D

What I noticed in the previous chapters and also happened here is that sometimes the point of view of the narration changes from Fyn to Cassia and vice versa. Actually, that's not a problem, but every now and then, it happens in a section, which leads to moments where you misunderstand something. I would then try to make this change in another section, no matter how small it becomes.

"Oh, did I blind you?" Cassia's voice said. "Sorry, I guess I should have warned you."


I love it when Cassia puts herself above Fyn and thinks she's something better than the others. It's a good part of her character where I think it only comes out when she's with someone where she really sees that the character doesn't have high self-esteem, is insecure or lacks confidence. With Taliana or her father, she doesn't directly act out in such a concrete way.

Past the first few fused stalagmites and stalactites that supported the cavern's great roof, he could only tell anything was there by the sparse glow of lanterns hung for the human workers' sakes.


I don't know here if it was used for aesthetics that you are talking about stalagmites and stalactites, but the term for the columns that have grown together is stalagnate or sinter column (at least that's what they are called in German).

The kid was pathetic - getting information out of him should be easy. So why was his heart pounding so fast?


I'm pretty sure that in the second sentence the "his heart" refers to Fyn, but I would still put his name in there for understanding, as it can be a bit misleading with the second half of the first sentence.

In summary, I liked the chapter a lot. For me, it felt like Fyn and Cassia took a big step forward compared to the last chapter. You continue to have good dialogue and descriptions and can't say anything where I directly see a need for improvement. Your pacing also continues to be good, as you take time to describe some details or sometimes make a comment that seems to come from the narrator.


Enjoy the writing!

Mailice.




Mea says...


Thank you for another lovely review! I really appreciate hearing what you like about the chapters and the characters, as that helps me to know what's working. I'm also glad you told me that Cassia feels more central at times than Fyn, which is not intentional %u2014 I'll try to balance them more.



User avatar
767 Reviews


Points: 26330
Reviews: 767

Donate
Tue Feb 02, 2021 12:45 am
View Likes
SpiritedWolfe wrote a review...



Hi Mea! I'm happy to see you're posting again :D
This is out of the green room now so you'll have to post another soon.

First of all, I loved this. This chapter was a great balance between continuing to develop Cassia and Fyn's relationship while continuing to contrast them (but also showing they're not too different, in a subtle way) and also moving the plot forward! I'm excited. I'm ready to see how these two characters are going to handle really stressful situations together with their completely different approach to every situation.

Some specific notes first!

she needed to keep her shoulders stooped, her eyes down, and most of all her mouth shut.


The first time I read this sentence, I thought Fyn was trying to Cassia needed to close most of her mouth, which didn't make sense. Maybe some commas would help? Or just rearrange it to "her mouth, most of all"?

When Cassia used her magic to be able to see in the dark cavern, I was wondering if that was a good idea? Is it typical for normal humans to be able to do that type of magic? And if not, would another drake be able to tell that she is an angel just from that? Fyn mentioned the tunnels are one way, but with such a bright light, would it not be suspicious is someone else was around? I just had a lot of questions about this, and if Cassia is trying to blend in, if she is really doing a good job of it.

As they followed the pathway down into town, shadows rose up and became buildings around them.


Quick typo here, but I'll take this opportunity to point out that your descriptions are lovely. I've pointed this out before, and will continue to do so, but I like how Fyn's descriptions are super utilitarian, and they work well enough to not only place an image in our minds, but to also just show us how Fyn thinks. He sees the streets are crowded because he doesn't want to knock it over, while Cassia might think of is as haunted and empty. Really neat!

Can I also say I laughed out loud, like actually cackled, when Cassia squealed and turned away after Fyn transformed? Yes. That was hilarious. Cassia, never change. xD

So why was his heart pounding so fast?


Here is another quote of me fangirling over your characters, because yes. I love this continued internal struggle that Fyn has always had, mixed with the external pressure of his God. It's really well written and it made me go, AWW FYN <3

Tl;dr of the last couple of notes is that you're really, really good at characterization and having that bleed into your writing. I love these characters with all my heart already, and we're like basically five chapters in. Amazing job!

I also made the same note that Plume did about where Cassia was during the interrogation. You did say after the fact where she was, but I would have liked something more apparent earlier that they had split up, like either a quick note of "Cassia stayed upstairs" when Fyn went to the basement or "we should split up" in the dialogue. Otherwise, I just assumed they stayed together.

... he’d said, with a sort of smug air, almost as if he knew that whatever he had done, what Cassia would imagine as she followed him the narrow, winding road through the mountains would be worse.


This sentence was a little convoluted to me, and I get what you're trying to say, but I had to reread it a couple of times to follow what that was. I don't know if it's the punctuation or that it's just a long sentence and might be better as a separate one from the dialogue tag, but nothing some light edits can't fix.

“We will do this without bloodshed. If at all possible.”


Knowing how novels go, I do not believe this will be possible xD

This review feels like mostly praise at this point, but I would also like to say I loved the way you contrasted the descriptions of the items in the house. Especially with the doll, and how it came back around. That is super clever and, yet again, continues that compare and contrast of the two.

Plotwise, things are shaping up well! Your pacing is also very good, which I find quite impressive because, again, I'm never bored, never feeling like the pace needs to pick up, even though there hasn't been much real action at all outside of the first chapter. I'm just waiting to see what happens!

A great chapter ^^ Hope to see more soon!
~ Wolfe




Mea says...


It makes me so happy that you love these two dorks as much as I do <3 Thanks for the great comments as always! And yes, I will have to post more sooner this time.



User avatar
672 Reviews


Points: 81482
Reviews: 672

Donate
Mon Feb 01, 2021 5:45 pm
View Likes
Plume wrote a review...



Hey there! Plume here, with a review!!

I really enjoyed this segment of your work! Honestly, I'm glad to read it at all! You're such a talented writer, and I've grown invested in this story so far.

One thing you did very well in this chapter was showcasing the dynamics and differences between Cassia and Fyn, which, I'm assuming, will probably be a recurring thing throughout the book. Fyn is very cold and standoffish, and doesn't really care about others, it seems. He could even be described as cruel. We've seen that he has had some softer moments, but for the most part, he's kind of a jerk, and a little worrisome (e. g. attacking a child.) Meanwhile, Cassia is much calmer and level-headed. She seems like her morals are much better. You really showcase that divide in this chapter. It's a continuation of what you've insinuated in other sections, but this part is really good because it hammers home the divide.

Again, I feel like I can't compliment your writing voice enough. You take me to each place you describe and make these characters come to life. It's so gosh darn wonderful. It's a blessing to read, truly.

Specifics

Fyn sighed. After their second day of traveling, they had arrived at the base of the mountain range, winding through canyons until they had reached the dark opening with a crude wooden sign labeled “Ashbourne, South Entrance” hanging above it. “Yes, it’s underground.”


I wondered if maybe the sign label could have been formatted in italics rather than quotations. When I first read it, it looked kinda similar to dialogue, and readers might get confused.

The rooms were nearly bare of personal belongings, but what was there lay scattered about haphazardly, mostly books and scraps of paper, a child’s doll, a wooden sword. Fyn checked in the basement, searching for loose floorboards and other hiding places, but found nothing.


I think you should maybe be a little more explicit in stating that Fyn and Cassia are going in separate places. It caused me to backtrack a little when, after talking to the child, Fyn went to go look for her, whereas I had just assumed they were together still.

Other than that, I don't have much to say, other than I'm really looking forward to what comes next!! Keep writing! You've got major talent.




Mea says...


Thank you so much for your kind comments! They're really encouraging. c:




how can i live laugh love in these conditions
— Orion42