Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and mature content.
Once upon a time, there was a sloth. The sloth's name was Benny. Benny loved to go fishing, biking, and pillaging peasants. Benny's best friend was Edword. Edword also loved fishing, biking, and pillaging peasants. One day Benny, and Edword went on an adventure to find the king sloth. Legends say the king sloth lives in the tallest tree in the world, and if you find him, great things will happen. Benny, and Edword flew to their great destiny to find him. They fought angry alligators, hungry lions, and no life gamers. All the punching, kicking, and 1v1'ing tired them out, so they ate some human flesh and sat down on a tree trunk. Suddenly a wild snorlax appears and attacks them. Benny and Edword killed that snorlax with one scratch to the genitalia. They walked off to the great forest. Benny pointed to a giant tree. Edword looked very excited, and a bit rapey like always. They climbed that tree and found the king sloth. They did it. Benny and Edword were extremely surprised. The king sloth magically turned into Morgan Freeman. Suddenly Benny and Edword ended up in a dark room. They walked out to find that they were inside a big time meth lab. They ran as fast as they could to get out of there. They went to home town buffet for some dinner. Benny and Edword were disappointed that they did not make their favorite baby stew anymore. In their fury they killed everyone there. They walked out and went to taco bell. When they left they slaughtered your family.
Benny woke up more wet then ever. He went to the bathroom to brush his butt, then contacted Edword through his sloth telekenisis powers. "Hue?" Hued Edword. "Hue." Hued Benny. Benny knew what that meant. They were going to search for the sloth king again, because Morgon Freeman was an illusion master. The real sloth king was located in the middle of the mexican rainforest. Benny and Edword went back to sleep for their big day ahead of them. - Benny and Edword woke up in a new buggati and drove to the mexican rainforest. Edword looked out of the window, wind blowing through his hair, very majestic. Benny couldn't help it, he looked at Edword and became very aroused, and crashed. "HUE!" Huexclamed Edword. "Hue..." Hued Benny staring at the floor with a frown on his face. They took out some bikers passing by, and biked there. When they arrived they noticed something strange. Nicholas Cage was running around naked, holding a banana, and giraffes chasing him. "HUE." Hued Edword. "Huehuehue." Hued Benny quickely. They ran as fast as they could, and hid behind a tree covered in twinkes. They climbed the great twinkie tree till they reached the top. They looked out to find the center. "HUE" Hued Edword. He pointed to a big circle, surrounded by armadillos. They jumped down and ran to the big circle. Benny grabbed a large stick, and Edword grabbed another large object. A big purple one. Benny tried not getting aroused by that, so he proceeded to sprint towards the armadillos. Edword took a huge leap and slapped 20 armadillos in one stroke. There was only about 69 left. Benny chopped, Edword sliced. It was amazing. Armadillo limbs were everywhere. Edword even even spotted a penis. "Huehuehuehuehuehue" Huehued Edword. The king sloth was sleeping in his hammock. "Hue?" Hued Edword. The king sloth awakened. The sun shining on him. He looked at the 2 sexy sloths. "Hello Benny and Edword."
"hueeeeeee" Hued Benny as he looked up at the king sloth, eyes wide open. "You have found me." Said the king sloth "I am very impressed. I will grant you each 3 wishes, But first. I give you the ability TO SPEAK." The king sloth lifted a claw and mumbled a spell and pointed and Benny and Edword ~Zap~ "WOAH!" Yelled Benny. "Penis. HEHEHEHE" Said Edword. "EHEHEHEHEHEHEHE." The king sloth looked at Benny and Edword like they needed medical attention. "Go ahead. What do you wish for?" Said the king sloth. "Hmmm... I want a hot dog " Said Benny. The king sloth pulled a hotdog out of his ass and gave it to Benny. "Was that there the whole time..?" Said Benny cautiously. "Yes." Said the king sloth with a smug look on his face. Benny ate the hotdog. "Yum. Okay, now I wish for a sexy sloth model." Nothing happened. "Where is my sexy sloth model?" "Right here." Said Edword. He gave Benny an arousing wink. "OOOOOOHHHH , Now my next wish is an 19 inch dildo." The king sloth looked at Benny and gave him a dildo. "Ok Edword. Your turn." Said the king sloth to Edword. "Okay, I wish for rope, lube, and some latex suits." Said Edword. Benny looked and Edword and got an erection from all the ideas he had. "Im sorry, but you must go now. Goodbye you two." The king sloth lifted his claw and zapped both sloths, and they were home.
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Bahahahahahaha! That was very refreshing. Don't listen to ppl telling u it doesn't belong on here. A little bit of old fashioned humor is much appreciated. Only thing is, I'm Morgan freeman, and I've never once been a sloth!
-azulafanboy
This piece has been sitting in the Green Room for quite some time and I think I know why. Writing for pure sillyness is fun, I know, I used to do it a lot when I was younger and it usually centred on me and Jesus fighting aliens. Unfortunately, using crude humour like dildos, rape jokes and the consumption of human babies is a very touchy and delicate art that should be reserved for well timed use.
I can't help but think this is definitely not a serious piece of literary work. It could be very offensive to many audiences and the plot centres too heavily around sexual innuendo for the sake of it. The use of the internet meme "hue" is a well worn cliche that you should try to avoid when writing.
I'm not going to pretend that this is a serious exercise in literary expression, because I simply think you are mocking the writing experience. Writing a piece about anthropomorphic sloths which rape, murder and sodomise is certainly something that deserves quite a niche audience, and I wish you all the best in finding that readership.
If you ever submit more serious or conventional pieces here on YWS, feel free to PM me for an honest review.
Hi there McSlothington!
Always good to see someone getting into humour writing. It's a difficult genre to get right, but a very satisfying one to write when you do manage to come to grips with it.
The surreal, shocking and immature sense of humour that you're using here can work really well, once mastered. A quick tip, though: nineteen inch dildos, on their own, aren't funny; you need to do something funny with them. Humour typically extends from the unexpected, so try to make something unexpected happen.
My main tip for you would be to read up on 'showing versus telling.' It's a complicated subject that will likely take years to master, but once you've got the hang of it it'll take your writing up to a whole new level. On a most basic level, it involves showing in action, rather than telling in narration. Which I know is a confusing idea. Flicking through YWS, I've come across this thread: Show, don't tell. that deals with the subject. That could be a good place for you to start.
Oh, and one other thing: as this story contains sexual references, I think it would be better suited to being rated higher than 12.