z

Young Writers Society



Sometimes I cry

by McMourning


I cry for the children,
I cry for the families,
I cry for us all.

Silently,
I hope.
For all humanity.

For there's a darkness.
There's a problem,
will always be.

But I was taught
to hold my tears.
And I say, "No."

When they come,
I hold my head
and let them flow.

I used to
be called "baby",
but you cry too.

We all do.
We've all been
alone and scared.

When that time comes,
I cry,
and cry again.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
28 Reviews


Points: 1520
Reviews: 28

Donate
Sat Mar 13, 2010 10:38 pm
Passion says...



Isn't this a very emotional poem. to have and hold. I like it.




Random avatar

Points: 2422
Reviews: 9

Donate
Fri Mar 12, 2010 7:13 pm
davy89irox wrote a review...



I gotta agree with the last person,
The subject is overdone, i think its a bittersweet way to write. On one had there is a lot to be sad about in life,on the other had it is obscure. Maybe a good way for you to think of your poems is more like when you write a paper for a comp class. Your naroratior is sad crying, you need to tell us why, and why should we the readers care? Random despair is deus ex machina (a random addition or missing element in a story that resolves the story, out of the blue). your punctuation looked good, (looked in the poetic theory book 4 u actually lol)

I look 4ward to seeing more :-)




User avatar
1260 Reviews


Points: 1630
Reviews: 1260

Donate
Fri Mar 12, 2010 2:51 pm
Elinor wrote a review...



Hi there McMorning! Welcome to YWS and the wonderful world of poetry.

Overall, it wasn't bad. You've got nice word choice and imagery, but the subject matter of the poem seemed to be a little bit on the cliche side. What you're basically saying is that there is something wrong with humanity and there is nothing that we can do to stop it. An extra step is needed for you to make this poem truly original. Does your narrator try to do something besides just cry?

Anyway, PM me if you need anything or if you post anything new. Goodbye for now.

-Elinor





Knowledge is power.
— Francis Bacon