A good story, look more into the grammar though , otherwise can't wait to read what happens next n.n
z
Chapter 1
The Jaws of Chaos
March 2nd 2015, 17:47
Ysolda looked up at the greying night sky. She watched as cars whizzed by her urban household, where were they all going, where is there left to run to? ''Why here, why now, why did I have to be born here'' muttered Ysolda in sweet tender voice. She was a young girl no older than seventeen, she had an interesting glint in her eye, one that only a girl of intelligence could muster. ''All I have ever dreamed of is leaving'' Ysolda's lips tightened, her gaze returned to stars, ''All our problems are so small and insignificant yet we intend make them the centre of our worlds'' her eyes then averted to the now full moon, her piercing green eyes dazzled by the spotlights of a nearby hovering helicopter. Bonk, bonk, bonk, the door rattled within it's frame as
Ysolda's father knocked on it heavily, ''Time for bed now sweetheart'' bellowed Ysolda's father, his voice muffled through the thick wooden construct. ''Okay dad'' replied Ysolda in a loud but soothing tone. ''Leave her alone Eddie, she hash a day off tomorrow'' the voice had a thick Dutch accent and belonged to Ysolda's mother, ''Yosholda, why don't you come downstairs and wash some televishion?''. Ysolda turned to face her door, ''I'll be down in a minute mum'' her voice barely reaching her mother. Ysolda's father could be heard descending down the stairs until his footsteps became distant thuds. 'Duddling' Ysolda looked down to the source of the noise, she had just received a text message on her phone. She swept a strand of long brown hair out of her eye, the text was from her friend Natalie, it read:
''How are you??? we haven't spoken in ages :O You should come and meet up with me an the girls 1 day this week and we could go shopping for that dress you've always needed :), I've missed you :( xxxxx
Ysolda looked at the text and began to smile, she returned a message reading:
''I've been caught up in quite a lot of stuff as of late, I'm sorry I haven't spoken to you :( but I would really like to meet up with you guys if I get the chance :) xxxxx
Ysolda then stared back down at the crowded streets, things were really beginning to heat up, people were battling for space in London's narrow streets. Ysolda picked up her television remote and flicked on the television, pictures flashed with breaking news, images of the disastrous unrest, riots and collapse dominated the news headlines, ''An increase in the death toll due to the recent political and economic riots has risen to over 20.000''. The young reporter's eyed grew red with anguish an panic, he struggled to read the script as scenes of violence engulfed the nearby area. The entire area was rampant with unrest and had fallen into a state of overwhelming chaos, ''It would be advised for anyone deciding to stay in your houses to board up any windows and doors that may be accessible from the streets, stay off the streets and try not to draw any attention, ANY!!, to you or your family and friends'', sweat dripped down from his beating forehead as he watched vigilantly for any nearby danger. A crescendo of swearing and shouts swelled louder with each passing moment, the rabble grew louder and louder until the cameraman abandoned his camera with a clatter of plastic and shattering glass.
The reporter came forward and attempted to lift the bulky hardware, ''leave it Greg'' cried a man out of shot of the camera, the now tearful reporter looked over the camera to the man urging an end to his actions, ''Well we can't just leave it lying here!'' shouted the recently named reporter 'Greg', ''Well you wanna be ripped to pieces by these green street impersonators, while trying to save a bloody camera?!'' squealed to voice again, this was shortly followed the sounds of the two men fleeting out of the grasp of danger, the legs of people chasing after the duo rushed in a blur past the camera shudder, the camera then suffered a heavy and fatal blow from an unknown object and thus the signal was lost. The programme then returned to the news room with the host apologizing for the loss of signal and distasteful language heard from the mob. Ysolda turned away from the camera wide eyed in astonishment, ''it's finally happened'', she spoke under her breath, ''England has finally met it's end'', her heart dropped, she contemplated leaving but remembered the boarder control that had been sanctioned on the now corrupt and violent nation of England by the UN, Ysolda though to herself, ''What can we do, we can't just board ourselves in and wait to die?'', BANG!,
Ysolda's thoughts were interrupted by a loud noise emanating from the lower floor, BANG, BANG, BANG Ysolda jumped up in fear, her delicate face crumpled with the worry lines of fear, ''Could that be them?''. She began to run towards the door carefully stepping over the minefield of clothes, books and electronic devices that littered her bright pink floor as she ran her feet became entangled in a pair of knickers she had left lying on the floor, she was sent flying across the room and met the floor with a heavy thud, ''OUCH'', Ysolda exclaimed in a fit of pain as her head struck the corner of her English folder. She felt a pulsating pain concentrated at the left side of her skull. She reached up and gently touched her wounded forehead,''SSS ahhh'', she whipped her hand away from her head, her hand slowly descended I front of her face,''Oooo, that's ganna need more than just a kiss better'' Ysolda then proceeded to open her door and head downstairs, as she neared the ground floor she noticed an abandoned hammer and nails with a dozen wooden panels half hammered into the window frame, ''That must must have been the banging'' Ysolda thought to herself. She then decided to continue her search for a plaster, she no sooner in the act of turning round found herself face to face with a 44.Magnum.
A good story, look more into the grammar though , otherwise can't wait to read what happens next n.n
You seem to have a problem with run-on sentences.
She watched as cars whizzed by her urban household, where were they all going, where is there left to run to?
Points: 788
Reviews: 9
Donate