Better Things To Come
And when we breathe symphonies
we know our work is done
and when our wings catch fire
we know we flew too close to the sun
In this moment, this city is infinite
the diamonds thrive in the rough
bulbs don’t just light ideas
they light dreams strangely enough
I’ll walk to the ends of the earth
without pavements, I’ll blaze my own trail
each footstep endowed with worth
my heart won’t stop until I hear the sound of the final coffin nail
And when we breathe symphonies
we know our work is done
and when our wings catch fire
we know we flew too close to the sun
let’s see where the madness takes us
this road’s long, we still have miles to go
and the world to discuss
this is our world and this is our show
we’re not dead yet
so we won’t sleep tonight
now I challenge the world to Russian roulette
blood spilt across first light
And when we breathe symphonies
we know our work is done
and when our wings catch fire
we know we flew too close to the sun
And when we breathe symphonies
we know our work is done
and when our wings catch fire
we know we flew too close to the sun
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138,304 Literary Works • 672,100 Reviews
I love this poem that you wrote! the rhyme and the meaning really complement each other! great job!
brilliant!
you know exactly what you're doing with meter and rhyming as none of the rhyming feels force and all flows wonderfully, letting the imagery shine through without being overshadowed by bad rhyming. love the Icarus reference. only criticism would be this:
"we’re not dead yet
so we won’t sleep tonight
now I challenge the world to Russian roulette
blood spilt across first light "
the last line doesn't quite fit the meter. you probably want two more syllables in there (: aside from that, everything's fine, and i don't say that often!
Seriously good poem, beautiful imagery and unique style. Nothing bad to say
This poem displays great talent and I have a feeling you may be successful with your writing
I wish poetry was like a cup of water. I wish I could just pick up this poem in my hand and let a single drop of its contents spill out over all my poems. If inspiration had a physical form, it would resemble something like this. God, I'm thirsty now.
This is proof that powerful imagery does not require long words. That's a lesson for me in particular, because I have this habit of using long, confusing words instead of using stronger short ones. Well done.
I have but one critique. Amidst all the other lines in your poem that simply emanate depth, I find the phrase "strangely enough" in this line a bit peculiar:
How about this instead: "they light dreams of luff."
Other than that, perfection. Nice job.
This is excellent- you have a great sense of repetition, and your imagery was spot on. The language itself was beautiful, and you had a great medley of images with the same sort of tone. I honestly don't know if I really understood the poem though. I am a pretty literal person though, and have trouble understanding subtlety in written/typed words.
Either way, I'm definitely going to watch for your work in the future. Great job (and sorry for the lame review).
-Coral-
Hey Hunni
I told you to join!!! Haha, and I had no idea how talented you were.
I love this, the imagery is amazing, it made me smile and made me part of the poem.
Seriously need to start showing me more of your work hun because I really want to read more!