Published February 6, 2019
September 10, 2017
Dear Diary,
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Sorry I haven't written all week, I'm sure you're eager to know how the first week of school was.
I think it's weird to just call you diary (though, that's what you are) and you probably want a real name. Is it weird that I'm considering naming a notebook? I hope not.
Our first class is Accounting. The teacher doesn't care what you do, so it's easy to play games and doodle, but there is (easy) work to be done, so don't fall asleep. He has the most monotonous voice I've ever heard. I wonder what teacher would have taught this class back home.
Then it's Math, and you have to be careful. The teacher has a sharp eye and can practically sense when you're not working. He's kind and funny, so just stay on his good side. He walks around the class a lot, so don't doodle. He hasn't left the class once this whole week, but he does come about ten minutes after the bell, so that's some extra phone time.
Flex (the class for "homework") is in the same class, which equals about 120 minutes (or 7200 seconds) of Math...all in the morning. Coffee has become my best friend, God knows I need one.
Lunch is great. The cafeteria is too loud and noisy for anyone to notice anything. Just eat and scroll through Instagram, this is your only non-structured down time before school ends.
CALM sucks. Majorly. Apparently we can't even have our laptops open while he's talking, so that limits time to play WolfQuest. Other than that, take a nap, none of this stuff is important anyway.
Humanitites...we'll most likely be on laptops, so play a game, watch a video, etc. She's pretty oblivious, but she will take away your phone, so keep it on the DL.
My real concern is what to do when I need to write a diary entry. I could do it in CALM, but we sit right beside someone, with no space in between us. That's not a good idea. Sitting in the back of a class, alone, is the best idea, but the cool kids tend to already be there.
Humanities would work when we're in the commons area, and during lunch, not Accounting because he's always assigning new pages to work on.
About the teachers directly, the Accounting teacher drones on, hands out work page, then drones on some more.
The Math teacher will hover and point out everything you're doing wrong, can't relax there, maybe in that useless "homework" class.
CALM teacher paces the middle row and doesn't care if you doodle, sit away from him and tuck yourself away in a corner, then you've got the green light.
The Humanities teacher won't care, so that's the best idea; just sit away from everyone else...if possible.
Well, school starts soon and I'm still not dressed, so we've gotta go. I'll write again in Humanities to tell you if my ideas are right. I'll find some ideas for your name during lunch.
~ Caitlin
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Name Ideas:
- Jane (too basic)
- Evelyn (pretty, maybe too different)
- Emma (good one)
- Isabella (sleek)
- Sophia (too girly, you, Diary, deserve something creative and artsy)
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September 10, 2017 (again)
Dear Diary,
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It's CALM and I've decided on your name. First off, no, I'm not in the back corner, I'm right in the teacher's sight line...yes, I regret my decision.
Oh, I should have started this entry differently. Let me start over.
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September 10, 2017
Dear, Paisley,
It's CALM...
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Canary word: Present
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141,311 Literary Works • 674,341 Reviews
Hello
I like how you described each teacher and how you have the main character working out her thought-process on which class is perfect to write in her diary. It was very real - considering that she is writing in her diary and getting her thoughts on paper. I like how she rambles on about the pros and cons of each class. A couple of questions though - why does she feel the need to write in her diary during school? And why the name for the diary? Does Caitlin have any friends?
Giving reviewing second try, I hope it's helpful!
First off, I noticed you have a ton of unnecessary commas. Unfortunately, I'm not amazingly good at finding unnecessary commas (I tend to end up with quite a few when I write too) so I'll leave it to somebody else if they're willing to point them out for you!
First off you don't need the first and last comma here. Secondly, this would be a lot more smooth in two separate sentences: The teacher doesn't care what you do so it's easy to play games and doodle. However, there is (easy) work to be done so don't fall asleep.
This messes up the flow of the writing a little bit. We don't know any of the teachers "back home" so we can't share this experience with the author. I think it might flow a little bit more smoothly, and help us learn a bit more about the author and her life, if she instead says something like, "He reminds me of So and So back home."
It nearly always best to commit to an idea instead of using softening words like practically. It comes across as more important.
I think "in the same classroom" might be a bit more clear.
Maybe it's just because I'm homeschooled but an explanation of what this is would be useful!
This one is definitely more personal preference but I think putting the information about the teachers in with their respective classes could make it flow a bit more smoothly.
"hands out a work page"
"The Math teacher will hover and point out everything you're doing wrong. You can't relax there, maybe in that useless "homework" class."
Alright, final notes/thoughts/opinions: I really like this! I would like to learn a bit more about the author's backstory though. Right now they kind of fall flat as any typical student. Adding more detail about where "back home" is and why they had to leave it would be great. Because of that detail, I did find myself wondering if they were in college but other details didn't sounds like a college environment so I was a bit confused.
I loved the pacing and the structure though, it was very simple and personable which definitely helps you like the author even though you don't know much about them.
I hope this was useful!
Thanks for the review
No problem! I hope it was helpful!
I love this! It's so nice! I love that name. Paisley. Paisley. Paisley. Love it.
Thank you