Published September 9, 2025
Click here for part 1: https://www.youngwriterssociety.com/work/MaybeAnd...
“I’ll play,” a little voice piped up.
All looked around in surprise to see where that little voice had come from.
The Knight's large head turned, looking up and down the table. “Present yourself.” He boomed.
Eliza stood up. She always liked games.
When everyone looked at her, she blushed. They scared her much more than the knight. She was once more making a fool of herself.
“Lizzy!” Her aunt shouted in horror. Really, Eliza’s full name was Elizabeth, but nobody called her that, since that is much too adult a name for such a little girl.
“Quiet,” The Knight Boomed, and Eliza's aunt swooned. Ladies like Elizabeth's aunt fainted a lot like that back then. “Come forward, little one.”
Elizabeth stepped out from behind her chair, walked around the long table, and to the knight.
He bent down and looked at her. He smelled nice, like spring rain or wet earth. It felt less cold around him and more wet, like you were in a moist forest after a summer’s dusk.
“You, little maiden, would like to play my game?”
She looked at him; his armor was even prettier up close. The paintings were intricate and colorful. There were even little birds and squirrels among the branches of the little trees, and in the low, flickering light, they almost seemed to move.
She nodded slowly.
He straightened back up. A sound, like the creaking of a great tree combined with the growl of a great beast, came forth from him - and after a moment, she realized he was laughing.
“So, royal court, this is the bravest among you?” He mused to himself.
No one argued.
“The game is simple. I will ask you a question, little maiden. Then, you will ask me a question. Neither of us will answer the other now. Before the first day of spring, you must come to me as I have come to you. You will then give me the true answer to my question, and then I will give you the true answer to yours.”
Eliza paused. It seemed simple enough. “What if I can’t get an answer to your question before then?”
“Is that your question?” The Knight asked.
Eliza gasped and quickly told him no, it was not.
“Do you accept the terms of this game?” The Knight asked.
She nodded.
“Here is my question: Who is the true king of this kingdom?”
Gasps went up throughout the crowd.
Eliza glanced at the king at the end of the hall. He was still standing there, wearing his embroidered tunic, ceremonial armor, golden crown, and many medals. Yet, he looked different now that she had seen the knight. He barely looked royal. He looked more like a scared schoolboy, dressed up in a king's costume.
Anyway, that would be too obvious an answer. She knew how games like this worked.
She looked back up at the knight and nodded.
“What is your question, little maid?”
She looked around at all of the faces again; most looked scared and surprised, a few even looked angry. She sensed she had done something very wrong. She looked back at the knight. He didn’t seem angry at all. He still seemed warm. Questions were one of the things that got her in the most trouble. Yet, the Knight did not seem like he would get angry at any type of question. He even seemed like he might have the answer to anything she could ask.
She thought about it for a moment. There was one question that no one ever really seemed to understand, and definitely never really seemed to know how to answer. It was one that ached in her soul when she felt lonely and sad. It was one that all of us, in one way or another, have wondered, but have rarely dared to ask.
“Why did my parents die?” She asked.
The Knight looked at her through his large, beautiful helmet. The Knight did not seem angry, or surprised, or even confused. He nodded. “A wise question.” He took one of his great gauntleted hands and reached to one of the branches coming out from inside his plates, plucking something off of it. He leaned down and handed it to her. It was a small acorn. “Take this with you when you come to me.”
“How will I find you, when I do?” The Little Maiden asked.
“I dwell in the far east, in the green forest. Find that forest, and you shall find me.” The Knight straightened up. “Return to your seat, child.”
Elizabeth looked at the knight one more time. He was beautiful. She scurried off. She found her chair and plopped back down in it.
The Knight looked around slowly, and everyone felt as if he was looking at them. Seeming satisfied, he turned back towards the door. He walked back out into the night, and as suddenly as it had opened, the door slammed shut behind him.
The candles that had been put out by his voice leapt back up, and the fire once again roared in its hearth.
Suddenly, everyone was talking at once. The king started shouting orders to guards, Aunt Lidia was resuscitated, and people were asking Eliza questions, so many questions, all at once.
But Eliza was smiling quietly. She didn’t regret talking to the Knight one bit.
End of chapter
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Hi hello!
“boom” is actually a speech tag and therefore you need to connect the sentence with a comma.I’m here with a review 😊
My first thought is: oh no, is that the Green Knight from the Arthurian Legend? And is Eliza going to be forced to do the game he proposed there?! No wonder, the adults are so worried!
I like how you describe the knight through her eyes tho :3 Feels very immersive!
Oh I love that you changed the game, this one is actually really interesting! I wonder if he changed it based on what type of person rose to his challenge. Oh I love this!
Very, very cool chapter! I’m so intrigued to where this is going!
Alright to the writing tips:
First up, dialogue formatting:
In this case here:
And here:
Since She asked can’t stand on its own, it’s actually still part of the same sentence as the speech. That’s why you don’t capitalize “she”
Then, if you write from Eliza’s POV, you shouldn’t write that she “blushes”. It feels… way less immersive. Better describe how it feels to her, that helps better with connecting to her!
Hey there, Andrew! This is Alex, back to review the 2nd part of this first chapter you wrote. Let's get analysing!
I feel like the style of this part significantly varied from its predecessor. The first relied heavily on imagery and suspense. This piece though, tones down the noise so the reader can hear the music clearly. The air is calm, which gives you a lot more scope to work on characters and advance the plot.
Nice to see the subtle nod to her young age. Her differrent perception of things is what has allowed her to be brave here. While the adults were too concerned with the trouble this wierd may invite, Eliza saw nothing beyond the good time it proposed.
An intriguing thought! Our protagonist fears being publically judged more than a scary knight with an axe, it reveals so much about her. How society sees her has an affect riling up doubt within her. On the other hand, age embraces the beauty of knight's intricate green armor, when other fear him on his demeanor. She's afraid not of darkness or the unknown, but embarrassment. It really gives the reader an inside glimpse in the character.
Back with your humorous commentary, I love your writing ways!
Imagery so vivid I thought I was ready poetry! I do wonder what explanation lies behind it though. The knight's character has been peculiar from the get go, I mean- being twice the size of people in this kingdom, the green armor with an extremely detailed design, having branches coming out of the gaps in his armor, and his voice that dims out light. These are all such strange descriptions, I wonder if he's a mythical figure. I've not read a more curious existence. Not to mention, his strange request. Now, he even smells of petrichor.
I notice that the knight has a tendency of mocking the nobles, as he also did in the first part calling their blood as royal as milkmaids. Its really adds a kick in his personality, well done. It makes me eager to what his real standing, what his blood is off- an unsung warrior or maybe a common folk who chose valor? Alas, only time shall reveal.
The conditions for the game we're quite specific, I'm really excited to see where you're going with this.
My thoughts exactly! I'm sure most people instinctively thought that, good of you to enhance the writer's voice to add a sense of belonging in the narrative. It's so valid though, and the fact that the knight doesn't answer it makes the game even more amusing.
Interesting! The mockery of the king following this line was enjoyable here, it made me laugh XD. My mind instantly went to a theory- is it a hint to Eliza discovering she is the one who's actually royal while the current king is a fraud. Considering she's an orphan, she would be easy to trick out of the crown, afterall. Or it takes a much deeper and philosophical turn, another possibility. I'm really to what indeed is the answer.
The phrasing is different from what I'd expect but it sounds severely intentional so I'll just go along. The vulnerability is really evident here. What dark things kie in Eliza's past- thanks to her question we'll find out later if not sooner when they exchange answers. It feels like a ticking clock, will the plot reveal it before or really drag it out till the fated day? Right now, it's hard to tell.
It almost feels like Lidia was just being melodramatic, from her waking up as soon as the knight goes away. And the king that been silent all this while is now giving out orders? That's some authority and courage, he couldn't even talk to a guard. This commotion after the silence is an irony in itself.
Fabulous closing lines! It really sounds temporarily ultimate, exactly what you should've been going for.
Overall, it was an engrossing chapter. I really liked the deeper work on character justification and depth of the puzzles. It's too early to speculate what will become of this strange mystery, but I'm eager to read and find out. Had a great reviewing it. Hope I get to read the next chapter, pretty soon.