Young Writers Society

Some of this was definitely better than other parts, such as the lines that went: Yet I Take The Dive Off The Canyon Deep Into Your Hearts Inner Core To Explore
Analyzing The Fallout Of Our Friendship, And The Beginning Of More. Some of this was indeed typical/unoriginal, but at the same time it was totally original because it was YOUR emotions...poems like these can't be judged based on originality I think, but rather on how strongly you can feel the emotion that's meant to be conveyed and to me the love in this is very clear!

Not bad, not bad at all, I think. I agree, you probably should send a clearer message. But as for the actually content, I thought you did pretty well. On a scale of one to ten I give it a 8, which is good coming from me. Keep writing and you'll go far.

Well it was nicely tried, I'll back up "sabradan" here. It is indeed a typical teen angst poem, but other than that you had some usable descriptions which to my opinion you misused by putting them in such an nonstructural piece.

First, you should not have put the whole piece in a italic text, usually poems do not need editing-if it was your intention to make it look "better"-

Second, you capitalized every single word which wasn't necessary at all, capitalization is a very important element when it comes to poetry, it should be very well used for it can drag your poem's reputation down if misused. What you've shown in this piece is a an extreme case of misused capitalization.

Third, the structure here is very unattractive, try to look at your poem from a distance -to me it looks a bunch of sentences mashed up together- that's not the point, a poem needs a certain structure which makes it look attractive for the reader. This can be achieved in varies of ways.

Tell you what, I'm planning on writing a writing tip in the "writer's tip" section as soon as I'm finished I'll PM you the link. I will try to make the aspects I just mentioned as clear as possible

Keep writing,

Cheerios, Chandni

ummmm... wow thats about all i can say to something like that its kind of disturbing if i do say but so are a lot of things that are true or said from the heart...

Perhaps you should have countinued, Dan-o. You would've been more pleasantly inclined.

"Sucked like a melted popsicle." Cute.

Nah, it was good. I can dig it.

TTAP. Typical Teenage Angst Poetry. I stopped reading after the first stanza.

Try fixing up your diction and having a clearer message you want to convery. That way, even if your message is TTAP, it won't sound so TTAP/Emo to me, and I won't want to gouge out my eyes with a spork. Keep trying, I know you'll get it. Keep writing.