Published December 15, 2013
I fell into a faith for didactic deities,
believing, in accident, the pretty psalms
they whispered to my pride in perfect
angular sounds.
This is to say that I burrowed
beneath words with dyslexic meaning:
one severed ear, and I disfigured the
faces of dear friends figuring
the bend of sentences craning conceit.
I spoke what gilded me golden skinned,
but in my breath, I could taste
there was in my iron bones the fear
I have in disagreement and debate --
that against me, their words
will make me disappear.
It was too simple to lie myself to sleep.
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140,568 Literary Works • 673,443 Reviews
I've only read the first stanza and already I know it's a freaking fantastic poem.
Let me start off by saying your word choice is phenomenal. "Didactic deities...whispered to my pride in perfect" - the alliteration here is strong and beautiful. I also like the phrasing "angular sounds" because it does sound clever despite the title.
I've just read the rest of the poem and I'm glad I was right. You have great imagery in the second stanza, although the third stanza is much more full with figurative language. In the second stanza, I loved the phrasing "I disfigured the faces of dear friends figuring the bend of sentences craning conceit." Although I feel as though there could be more to both embrace your meaning and clarify it.
I feel like you could change "there was in my iron bones the fear" by removing "taste, in my iron bones, the fear" to make the poem flow better in that particular part.
And I LOVE the last line as it embodies the thought process going through the speaker's mind. You created a very conscientious character in this poem, I venture to guess that it might be you, but it is still well written overall. Your character seems plagued by thoughts they can't control, which is an incredible feat to accomplish in just three stanzas.
This is a fantastic poem.
Keep writing,
Dianne E.C.E.
Wow! This is amazing! The poem touched my heart. I simply loved the way you described everything, so complex yet so simple. Many people write about love,death and so on, but this is love and death in a different way. The idea is pretty unique. My fave lines are:
"I spoke what gilded me golden skinned,
but in my breath, I could taste
there was in my iron bones the fear
I have in disagreement and debate --
that against me, their words
will make me disappear."
The last single line, is very effective. Makes the whole poem lovely.The starting portion was too good. The whole poem was awesome. Keep it up! I look forward to more of your poems. If you had time, read some of poems too! Thanks for writing this poem!
I really like this. I like how you talk about using big words and not always completely understanding what they mean, and then you go forth and use a lot of big words. Pretty much every other line contains an uncommonly used word, and then you go to the last stanza and you just come right out and say that you don't like easy. Sorry this isn't much of a review because I'm not really sure what you could do to make this better because it's already great.