Young Writers Society

Hi MaxaM! I noticed you've got a few of these sitting in the green room right now and I was intrigued by both the title and premise, so I've decided to have a look from the beginning!

So I find myself wondering if you actually need this prologue or whether this could be done in the first chapter. A lot of novels have prologues that aren't necessarily needed and I feel like I've read a lot of things from literary agents that suggest they're pretty much over prologues in general. For me, you should only have a prologue if:
1.If something happened that's super out of the context of your story that is really crucial to understanding it.
2. If the story doesn’t make sense without the prologue.
3. If you can’t weave the prologue’s information into the story without muddling your plot.

I feel like perhaps the prologue here could be incorporated into the beginning of your story - just something to think about!

Most people think narrating is just telling the story, and to be honest, that’s partially right, but there’s also other matters such as what to tell and what to omit, i mean, a tale can’t go on forever, well, unless you are Monogatari or Dragon Ball but that’s getting off track.

“Even the same tale can be completelly different depending on who's telling it”, so keep this in mind.

Have you ever heard of the Hedgehog’s Dillema? If you ever wacthed Eva this must be familiar territory, but if you haven’t –that is most likelly- allow me to explain.

Hello and happy RevMo!! Here I am as requested

You ask was this prologue good enough - I'm not fully feeling it. The thing with prologues is that most of the time they're not necessary and act as thinly veiled infodumps or they really could be chapter 1. Whatever your opening is, whether it's a chapter 1 or a prologue, it should get us right into the story and right into the action. I want to meet characters, I want a feel for the premise and what the conflict might be. To me, this prologue reads like an infodump and as something setting up the story rather than getting right into the story.

Now, there are some things I like about it and that I think you could use in your opening! I think the voice is intriguing. I'm curious to read on and find out if this omnipresent voice is going to be narrating the whole story or if it'll transition into a more "traditional" storytelling method. There's nothing wrong with a narrator telling your story and it intrigues me when this is attempted!

I'm also intrigued by the Hedgehog's Dilemma and how that theme will be incorporated into the story. Walk with me for a second, I think your prologue (if you want to include one) should be very simple. I think no narrator or anything setting it up, just have the Hedgehog's Dilemma written out as the prologue with credit to the original source. Prologues are meant to be intriguing and to hook the reader in. I think it would be more effective to give us this fable without any context and then we as the reader have to figure out how it works in as we go. Like as we're reading we have the aha that it connects back to that fable we read at the very beginning.

I wrote a character once with this kind of vibe (although I called her a porcupine) so I'm looking forward to meeting the characters and seeing what this will be all about!

Let me know if you have any questions or if you'd like feedback about something I didn't mention! See you in the next chapter tomorrow

Hello and welcome to YWS!

VioletFantasy here to review your very interesting prologue. I really enjoyed this! Your narrator is hilarious and fun to listen to. His/her way of rambling is entertaining and definitely keeps the reader engaged. This is a neat concept that will make an awesome story! Now, onto the specifics.

Really, nobody really tells you how hard being a narrator is.

this matter must not be of cocern to most first person narrators, but to a perfeccionist such as me they have major importance,

so in this tale i will try to be as accurrate as i can, but, as i learned very well on the course of my life, and how a good frien- no, perharps aqquaintace would be better, likes to say, “Even the same tale can be completelly different depending on who's telling it”, so keep this in mind.

Accurate should have only one r and friend is missing a d. Acquaintance should be spelled as it is written at the beginning of this sentence. Also, completely has two Ls instead of three. These should all be easy to fix.

that is most likelly

Likely has only two Ls.

The Hedgehog’s Dillema is a fable written by the german philosopher Arthur Schoppenhauer, a fammous pessimist in the world of philosophy, that argued that humans were like porcurpines in the winter, needing and seeking warmth from each other, but unnable of getting to close because of their thorns,

The g in German should be capitalized, famous has one m, unable has only one n, and the “to” after “getting” needs to be changed to “too”.

It is rather pessimistic and tragic view of the world, but i can’t deny that, from my point of view, most people live according to this principle, forming superficial relationships for the warmth, but retreating the moment they risk getting hurt. To this i think that it’s not wrong to be afraid, but at the moment you start getting close to someone, i think you need to be able, or better yet, ready, to get hurt if the person in question is worth it, or just needs someone by their side, but this is just my point of view.

Hello, Stormblessed here!
This was a great prologue! There is some dry humor, which I like, along with good story telling, which compliments you're theme. There are a few mistakes, which I'll point out to you.

Most are spelling and capitalization mistakes, so here you go.
Cocern- should be "concern"
Perfeccionist- should be "perfectionist"
Aqquaintace-should be "acquaintance"
Prologating- Are you trying to say "prolonging?" That would be the right word here.
Likelly- should be "likely"
Fammous- should be "famous"
Arround-should be "around." Actually, I think you should rewrite that entire sentence, it's a little awkward and redundant.

On to the capitalization mistakes
Whenever you say the word "I," it should be capitalized. This is a general rule of writing.
"German" should be capitalized as well.

There are a few punctuation errors as well.

Did i portray this person quite right?”, this matter must not be of concern to most first person narrators,