There they stand. The Upperclassmen, Rulers of High School. All together for one last time, as they finish what they started. But as each one of them graduates, it is important to remember that all endings are just new beginnings.
And they remember all the memories they've collected over the past 4 years...
(TBC)
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,013 Literary Works • 672,842 Reviews
This sounds really awesome.
,
I like the suspense, the fond storytelling, and althought most graduation stories seem quite cliché, I'm excited for yours ( did I spell cliché right? lol I don't even know anymore! XD ) and Although I'm not really at all sure why, I'm definitely looking forward to the next part!
Later!
--- Sophia ( sbf1102 )
I think this would be a great thing to write on the dust-jacket of a book to grab the readers attention. Good job! This would make a good story!
Yo.
This doesn't really belong in Short Stories--maybe Other as a voiceover to a script or maybe just a very...very small fragment of a larger story (as the others have called it a hook). It's a decent reel-in for something that could be a decent project, but I'd certainly nix the final line:
as it's a statement of the obvious to those who will inevitably read on. If the story reflects upon their memories, then there's no need to say it outright before building anything more.
As far as literary value goes, this is obviously void of credit as it doesn't amount to anything. It's the payment for posting unfinished work segments. That said, the philosophy of the first paragraph stands true; and in that light, it applies to more than just the small scope of this to-be story, so I'll give you a point for that.
Post the rest. Then we'll talk.
Thanks for the tips. That last line wasn't supposed to be in there...it was more of a "pour out random thoughts and submit this to see what happens".
Hello there!
hopefully, you'll get around to adding more so we can truly get to the nitpicking!
So you totally didn't give me much to work with... I know you added to be continued (TBC), so this makes me think you might have meant to post this as a draft... we're having some bugs in the publishing center, so hopefully we'll get that fixed sometime soon. In the meantime, review I shall.
The only change I would make (besides adding the story itself, of course) would be to change the 4 to a four. Spell it out! Normally, in novels, authors spell out the small numbers because it looks more professional to do so.
But other than that, this looks good so far! Nice hook, it's very mysterious and intriguing. Already I want to read more.
Let me know if/when you add more. I'd love to read and review it for you. Hope this review helped.
~Iggy
Thanks. Im so busy with school right now that I'm trying to figure out what direction to pull this. Maybe just a generic narrative but that's probably boring. I thought about writing a story of bits and pieces of favorite high school moments have having this be the introduction.
Wow - that's a great hook. Try to steer away from the cliche, but a little is inevitable
. I would definetly like to keep reading this. Keep posting!
Thanks. I may post some more tomorrow or over the weekend.