Published March 29, 2005
I'm not what it protrays in the story as. Just something I decided to write after watching the O.C.
All the Same
I sit in the dark,
Alone,
Until I meet a gaze from far away,
I walk slowly towards the eyes,
Hypnotizing,
Piercing,
Holding me in place,
Showing me the way,
A shining light in the darkness that surrounds me,
Taking the hand that is hers,
Soft and fragile,
I stare at her out of the corner of my eye,
She smiles, and entwines her fingers with mine,
Looking across the room,
I see the reflection that is us,
The blonde hair of one,
The curls of another,
Lips soft and smooth,
Eyes longing,
She moves towards me,
I feel her hand go to my hair,
She brings me closer,
Our lips touch,
Electricity rushes through me,
I feel ecstatic,
Breaking away,
She pulls me closer so that our bodies meet,
And we dance,
A sinful dance,
A dance that means little to them,
But more to us,
We are in love,
But so different,
For one is a girl,
The same for the other,
Different,
But all the same,
In many ways.
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141,399 Literary Works • 674,387 Reviews
This is very good, it had good flow. But I agree with Kylie J, change the punctuation. but other then that it was very good.
I thought it was good! i think you did a very good job! well done!
The one thing I would change it punctuation. The entire poem is one sentence. Since, at points, you begin different ideas, you should use some periods.
That's just one example - use a period after "But more to us" instead of a comma.