Hi, I'm new here, and this is the first piece of writing that I have done in forever. I used to write all the time, but I guess that life just got in the way somehow.
I hope you like it, and hope that you will comment on it - especially if you don't like it.
Saying Goodbye
Standing in that train station, I knew that my life was about to change, I knew that when I boarded the train there was no going back. The train would take me to my future, whether I wanted it to or not.
I looked back, staring at the familiar faces that I had grown up with, staring at the faces I had come to know so well, staring at the faces that I would now be without.
My stomach turned in a knot and I had to look away to keep myself from crying. I was supposed to be all grown up, and about to start my own life, but in this moment, I felt nothing like a grown up.
I had always thought that becoming an adult would be the happiest time of my life; I could eat all the sweets I wanted, stay up and watch TV until morning, with no parents to tell me off. As an adult, I would be able to do whatever I wanted. As an adult I would also know exactly who I was, and have a job I am passionate about, that earns me enough money to buy a big house and a fancy car. In addition, of course I would be able to turn my swimming pool into a giant ballpit, and jump around in the balls all day and all night.
However, standing here, I knew that, that was nothing but a childish dream, and that the reality was much more complex and frankly so wrong.
Having to take care of yourself meant that you could not just play in your ballpit all day, that you couldn’t stay up all night watching movies, and unfortunately, that you job you get is not only boring, but also doesn’t make you enough money to buy a big house or a fancy car.
Being an adult would be hard work, and standing here at the station, looking my family in the eye, I wanted nothing more, than to be a five-year-old again, wanted nothing more than to get in that car, and drive home to my own room in my family’s house. I wanted my dad to tuck me in at night, and wanted to know that he would be there to comfort me if I had a nightmare.
I wanted to go back to the quiet Sundays with board games and tea, wanted to go back to the snowy winters with snowforts and snowball fights. I wanted to go back to the times I had spent in my room alone, and I would go out and talk once more to my dad, and give my mom another hug.
I wanted it all back.
I wanted to stay in the comfort and safety of my family, but I knew that it was not really an option. I had to grow up, I had to learn to take care of myself, and I had to make a living, even if my job was long hours, and so uninspiring.
I heard over the speakers that the train was arriving, so with tears filling my eyes, I turned around and gave my family a last hug, and said the last goodbye.
And then I grabbed my suitcase and boarded the train.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,496 Literary Works • 672,587 Reviews
Hi, I am Ishan and I am here to review your work. So here we go;
After reading your short story, I am just wondering that 'What will happen to us now?'
This was your first work. Right ? If you are writing at such a high level that too in your first work,one can imagine what can you do later! Hats off to your way of writing. Your theme was just fantastic. I'm just thinking how can someone come up with such a simple theme and write up such a nice story. I can't stop praising you. This is one of the stories in which I couldn't figure out a thing that I didn't like. I usually don't follow people but after reading your story I think I should. So here you get another follower.
It was a beautiful story.
Keep Writing!!!!
Aw! Really good job! The ideas of growing up to fast, moving away for the first time, and childhood beliefs are really releasable for many of us, and think you captured that feeling really well in this piece! I think we all have days when we wish we could turn back the clock to simpler times, so it made your character easy to relate to. We don't learn much about your character, though they have the voice of a girl. Maybe describe her a bit more? Add some dialogue between her and her parents perhaps? It's not really necessary, but it would pad the story out more, and add more depth to her?
Overall I thought it was great! xx
It's a good story about growing up. It really captures that feeling when you want to grow up faster but the moment you do you understand that it's not what you wanted and expected to be. I like how you described your thoughts about how it would be to grow up, how fun and easy it would and i love how you disproved it with the harsh truth of the real world, with everything that comes as you grow up and become an adult.
I think my favorite sentence was "However, standing here, I knew that, that was nothing but a childish dream, and that the reality was much more complex and frankly so wrong." it just made me realize some things.
In all together grate story, i maybe would have made very very small few changes in some places, but this story is grate without them to.