Black and white

Hi there! This is beautifully written, by the way. And very creative if I say so myself. I love your use of the word "children" throughout the entirety. For some reason, I'm not sure why, I loved how you kept on repeating that word. It sort of made the message clearer to me that you kept on reusing the same word as opposed to using "kids" and such. I love the ending too. Great job! Keep writing!

Descriptive word choice, as well as the stanza arrangement being on point. I do like this very much. I do have to add that it would need some work on content - seeing that the "all children" part is used twice, possibly meaning it was either a conclusion or filler. Just my thoughts on that. Other than that, it has minimal fault. 7/10.

This is really great! I love the descriptive word choice in it. I like how in the end you say"but always hoping". It gives a positive ending note to an otherwise fairly sad and negative poem. You really feel a connection with these children, and the narrarator. I feel as though the title really fits with the story, and titles are really hard to think of sometimes (for me it is). The poem gives me the feeling of sadness and loneliness, but the end really picks it up. In the end I feel more light hearted. You are a really great poet.

Great work. It's always good to look at the bright side of life despite it's darkness. You did a great job on the antithesis.

I must say that that was really well done.

I'm new to this site and your poem was the first thing that I've read from here. Compared to people that have published poems like Edgar Allen Poe for instance. This impressed you did a very good job.

The part that said, "I watch them as I walk past" sounded as though you were trying to say something. Like saying the fact that we see people that suffer and just carry on with our lives.

It may have just been me that saw it like that. But the way you wrote ot made it sound like it had a deeper meaning. That's a good thing for poets to be able to do.

I thought the way children and sadness contrasted was interesting. When I think of young children I always think of a lot of smiles and laughs. But this just threw that out the window.

Overall, very good job!

I really like this poem. It's a topic that I personally struggle to write about, simply because it's hard to word. I'm glad somebody has found the inspiration to finally approach the topic in a poetic way.
I love the lack of punctuation and the simplistic technique. I believe it was the best way to illustrate the lack of color/ lack of life.
All in all, I truly think this is a nice piece.

Good luck to you.

Mathimouse,

So, if you didn't write what you did in your description, I wouldn't have known that this was about orphans. And I think that either way, if I knew or if I didn't know, this poem is still really great.

It doesn't even have to be a tribute to all the children without a home, it can be a tribute to anyone that has all the reason to be sad and feel alone and feel beaten and still have hope. And that's what I really love about this poem. It's sad, but it left me smiling. Awesome job with that, it means that you have the power to change peoples' emotions with your words. Hold onto that.

All I recommend is adding a little more punctuation. So the reader knows when to take a pause or not. Some stanzas you did really well at, and others have little or none. Here's an example of what I'm trying to say:

"Without colour[comma or period, depending on the amount of intensity you want these sentences to have. A period being more powerful.]

Without life [add period.]



There are children crying[add comma.]

and others talking

To drown out [maybe say "trying to drown out" instead because it sounds a little awkward with the amount of syllables it has now.]

the sound of the silence."

So any changes are, of course, up to you! Great job on this! This is a great start! (I'm assuming you're knew because this is your second work )

Keep expressing.

-Percybeth

Hi there! Delirium here to give you a review!

I really enjoyed the concept of this poem, and loved where you drew your inspiration from. Many believe that a picture can speak a thousand words, and you were able to translate those words for us.

This poem is very simplistic, and an easy read. The organization makes it very pleasing to the eye, and the line spacing sets a certain rhythm and mood. I really like that this piece does not rhyme. I often tend to become bored of the generic rhyming-line scheme, but you worked very well with free verse, so kudos to you.

Upon reading the description, I was expecting something a bit depressing and dark, but you surprised me with the idea of optimism here, and how the children remain hopeful. It was quite the surprise, and a pleasant one at that. I also liked how you repeated these lines for emphasis:

All children

All alone