Chapter 8
As her fist hit the headboard she woke up. Her head pounded with bursts of pain. The nightmare had been all too vivid. She sat up, quickly feeling for the Book of Truth beneath the pillow. It had just been a dream. Her breath was fast and uneven and she could feel her fist begin to ache.
In her dream, it had not been the headboard that Miana had hit, but Galdiff's face. At least she had presumed that the towering figure beneath the cloak was Galdiff. She looked around peering through the window. It was already light. She'd overslept somewhat. She tore herself out of her bed, washed her face in the ice-cold water, and got dressed.
Her conversation with Quirantino the previous night had been interesting. He'd said very little actually. Mostly, he listened to her speak rather intently, and answered her in few words or cryptic puzzles. When she asked, he refused to tell her about The Chronicles of the Earth.
He had, he admitted, merely come to ask her a favor.
"It's somewhat audacious of me to do this," he said. "I've never even met you before, and I'm already asking your favor. But you understand that times like these call for a certain abandon of social reservations."
His mannerisms were rather peculiar. At times he was silent, but when he did speak his words were eloquent and clear. He seemed to sit and silently observe what ever he could. So much so, that Miana got the feeling that he listened to more than one conversation at a time. Only his eyes seemed to reveal emotion. They seemed to dance with vitality and penetrate to the soul. It was unnerving to say the least.
Quirantino's task was not as physically demanding as it was perplexing. He'd asked her to keep a ruby for him until he came to claim it.
"When will you get it back?" Miana asked.
"When they let me go," Quirantino said. "See, I fully expect to be taken prisoner in the next few days."
"Who's going to take you prisoner?"
"A bunch of thugs. They'll want ransom as soon as my identity is revealed to them," Quirantino said.
"I'm sorry to disappoint you," said Miana, "but you're just a writer. Nobody's going to take you ransom."
"Have you ever heard the name Galdiff?"
Miana's initial reluctance to carry Quirantino's ruby was immediately stilled at the mention of Galdiff's name. After little more persuasion, Miana agreed to take the gem.
Some of the chill of the previous night had abated, thankfully. It always struck Miana how towards the North of Kavaria it was always cold, when at the monastery to the South it was was always warm. As she'd moved North, the hot desert landscape had slowly turned greener.
Miana opened the window, letting a smell of pine enter the room with a rush of cool air. She needed to leave soon. The longer she stayed in one place, the sooner Galdiff would find her. Before she left though, she wanted to do something that had been gnawing at her mind since she'd left the monastry. Her hand slipped automatically to The Book of Truth beneath her pillow. She'd exercised a great amount of self-control to wait this long before opening it.
She cupped the now green spine in her right hand and took a deep breath. Father wouldn't have given it to her if she weren't allowed to read it. Would he? She felt her left hand reach down towards the spine and open it, succumbing to curiosity. She looked down at the first page.
She blinked.
It was blank. She flipped through the pages hoping to reveal some information. This was what it came to? She stared at the white paper for a couple of seconds. Perhaps it was written with an invisible quill. She tugged at the charm around her neck. Father gave it to her on her twelfth birthday.
It was the perfect gift for the inquisitive girl who had begun to get rather frustrated by the scrolls in the library that appeared blank. It was a revealer. A charm built to counter the invisible quill with which these scrolls were written. She'd never before seen a bound book that had used an invisible quill, though.
She brought the orb close to the book, waiting to see what it would reveal. The usual spread of yellow light that erupted around the orb when brought into contact with an invisible quill was absent. The page remained blank. It seemed as though the pages truly contained nothing.
But if it held no secrets why was it so precious?
Miana stared at the book for a couple of seconds intently, hoping that by some miracle it would reveal its secret to her. A minute passed before she gave up. She closed the book slowly and tucked it carefully into her brown leather bag. A little disappointed she closed the bag and grimaced.
Today would be a long day.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Hey Yoday

She tore herself out of her bed, washed her face in the ice-cold water, and got dressed. - I'm not sure tore is the right word here for me. When I first read it I presumed that she had ran out of bad or got out of bed very quickly. However I think you were going more for the fact that she didn't want to get our of bed.
"I've never even met you before, and I'm already asking your favor. But you understand that times like these call for a certain abandon of social reservations." - 'your favor' is that what you mean to say? Or did you mean 'asking a favor of you' or 'asking a favor from you' or something like that. I think that 'your favor' can mean something else, like that he would be asking for her favor over something else, if you see what I mean. Of course you could have meant that but it doesn't fit with the line you have in before about him asking her for a favor. (It feels weird to type favor without the u).
His mannerisms were rather peculiar. At times he was silent, but when he did speak his words were eloquent and clear. He seemed to sit and silently observe what ever he could. So much so, that Miana got the feeling that he listened to more than one conversation at a time. Only his eyes seemed to reveal emotion. They seemed to dance with vitality and penetrate to the soul. It was unnerving to say the least. - I just wanted to say that I love this paragraph. There is so much in it that reveals things about him and about his character and how he behaves but also I just like how it is written, it just seems to flow very well and it was enjoyable to read. Just to point that out so in the future you can keep this paragraph in mind when writing description or writing characterisation, as I have pointed out how you write characters to you many a time before.
"A bunch of thugs. They'll want ransom as soon as my identity is revealed to them," Quirantino said. - The beginning of this line of dialogue seems slightly off with how you have written the rest of his dialogue up until now. 'A bunch of thugs' doesn't really seem wordy and doesn't seem to flow like the other dialogue up until this point.
Dialogue - I know there wasn't much of it in this chapter but the stuff that was there was pretty good. I really like how Quirantino talks; it just kind of flowed really well and showed off his character. Like how I have said in previous chapters about trying to make some of the characters personality come through in the dialogue. Well I think it came through here so well done.
Character - Talking of characters, I like the characterisation of Miana in this chapter. I kind of felt like I was really in her head going along with her. So that was good, better than I have seen it in other chapters, where everything goes by too quickly. I kind of felt her disappointment when there was nothing in the book or her curiosity when she was going to open the book. Perhaps more of a build to the opening of the book would have been nice, just to make the reader really really want her to open the book aswell.
Pacing - Well I already talked about that a bit. Like I said I felt some of the pacing in this section was better than in previous sections so keep that up. As I said before more of a build up to the opening of the book would have been good because, when you think about, it not alot happens in this section of the story, it is just Miana telling us about what has happened. So the book opening I think should be a bigger part of the chapter and have more emphasis on it.
Description - I thought the description in this section was very well written. I got a sense of the words flowing and taking me through the story which I really enjoyed so keep that up.
I look forward to the next chatper!
If you want to ask anything just PM me.
Bex x