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Tongue In Cheek (ONLY 18 AND OVERS MAY VIEW. CONTAINS RACIST SLANG BUT ONLY FOR EFFECT.)

by MasterGrieves


Murder non-Christians.
The land of the free.
Hate them coz they're black.
Hate them coz they're me.
They just don't like it-
Don't listen at all.
Intensity rising.
Now tell me is it wrong?
Wrong? Wrong? Wrong? Wrong wrong wrong?
Wrong? Wrong? Wrong? Wrong? Wrong wrong wrong?

Memory tells me,
you slaughtered the brave.
Replaced it with fear-
replaced it with hate.
Carry a gun-
yeah freedom has gone.
Questions are mounting.
Now tell me is it wrong?
Wrong? Wrong? Wrong? Wrong wrong wrong  wrong?
Wrong? Wrong? Wrong? Wrong? Wrong wrong wrong wrong?

Kill them coz they're commies.
Kill them coz they're "niggers".
Kill them coz they're "faggots".
Gutless!
Kill them coz they're Jewish.
Kill them coz they're Asian.
Kill them coz they're different.
Gutless!

Bomb all the countries.
The land of the free.
Capitalist whores-
set fire to the weak.
And murder the babies,
born out of death.
Their parents were thinkers.
Are you finished yet?
Yet? Yet? Yet? Yet yet yet yet?
Yet? Yet? Yet? Yet? Yet yet yet yet?

L.A.'s full of racist pigs.
Spray brains on the walls.
KKK hood, police badge.
The same uniform.
The American Dream:
kill those who won't say yes.
And spearhead the system.
Are you finished yet?
Yet? Yet? Yet? Yet yet yet yet?
Yet? Yet? Yet? Yet? Yet yet yet yet?

Kill them coz they're commies.
Kill them coz they're "niggers".
Kill them coz they're "faggots".
Gutless!
Kill them coz they're Jewish.
Kill them coz they're Asian.
Kill them coz they're different.
Gutless!

Tongue tongue tongue tongue
Tongue tongue tongue in cheek.
Tongue tongue tongue tongue
Tongue tongue tongue in cheek.
Tongue tongue tongue tongue
Tongue tongue tongue in cheek.
Tongue tongue tongue tongue
Tongue tongue tongue in cheek.


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Points: 300
Reviews: 0

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Sat Jun 29, 2013 2:15 am
cogdis says...



This sounds like a Zack de la Rocha song. It shows emotion and personality.




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21 Reviews


Points: 936
Reviews: 21

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Wed Feb 22, 2012 11:03 am
Blift says...



This sounds very bigoted. that's all i have to say




567ajt says...


I put the racial words in speech marks to indicate sarcasm. It's my opinion on America, comparing it's racist past to it's seemingly racist future. This is a sarcastic poem- if I really was using the words nigger or faggot in everyday life, something would be wrong with me. Oh, and I am English, so it isn't exactly bigoted. I just don't like American history ;)



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Points: 1092
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Sat Feb 18, 2012 10:39 pm
allinall wrote a review...



Not really original..it's just the same "America is bad" crap that's been done over and over so many times that it's just comes out pathetic and overly cliched.

Sorry, if my review is a bit harsh




567ajt says...


Just a bit ;) I <3 harsh reviews.



demib says...


Thats not awkward....( dont know if i spelled that right...)



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249 Reviews


Points: 9525
Reviews: 249

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Sat Feb 18, 2012 9:00 pm
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murtuza wrote a review...



Hey Adam!

Okay, this lyrical piece has a lot going for itself. The hate, disgust and torment all very blunt and unabashedly portrayed (which I'm sure you've done intentionally ;)). It's out-right and isn't sorry about it. Guts and glory is what you want from this. So let's see how it fares according to its pros and cons...

The Pros

This is loud and very crisp. I can understand its purpose and its way of delivery. True to its title, it doesn't let up with the descriptions that you've laid out. I can feel this coming from a sort of rap, with lots of beats. And in my head, when I imagine it that way, it really does sound good. You've spoken about the issues people face everyday but try to avoid being affected the best they can. The stereotypical cliched ideology of certain sects of people who think the way they do and the ramifications of that skewed thinking is brought about well here. As per the way you've tried to get into the mind-set of such people, I think you've just about managed to show it to its truest extent.

The Cons

I feel that since it looks like a rap, that it feels a bit shortened. You've done pretty well with getting through with the angst of the subject you were talking about, but I somehow feel that when it's ended, I find myself a bit incomplete. What I'm trying to say is, you've only managed to get one point-of-view. It would be great if you could finish off the poem with a message of hope and of a sort of 'fighting back' attitude integrated with a resounding confidence with the narrator. That way, the reader doesn't go away with the bitter taste in his/her mouth with all the negativity lashed out from the poem. It's mostly because this piece could well come into the category of writings that talk about how bad the world is and.... that's it. Give something more. Show that there's still something worth salvaging despite the horrid bleakness of it all. End it with something epic and profound so that the reader knows that you've attempted at making this piece as different and original as the person you are. :)

Last Words

I do believe there is potential for this. I did not mention this before, but the rhyming in this piece is great and you've blended it seamlessly with the overall tone. I may not be a fan of repetition of words and phrases here and there since they act like a lot of fillers and say the same thing over and over which is a bit off-putting too. But here, even though I did feel the same way at some parts, I still felt that much could have been gained from those words.

All in all, a fair bit of pros and cons. It's definitely not your best. That's yet to come, I believe. But I can see how far you're developing and broadening your way of writing. This is a great piece and delves into the subject without remorse. So good work and as always, keep the ink flowing!

Murtuza
:)




567ajt says...


Thanks man :) It is in fact intended for a possible band in the future. I deliberately made it bitter to make sure that there is nothing hopeful about the situation. America, in my eyes, will always be full of hypocrites. You may not like the ending, but I do. And yes, don't worry, my next song will be my best.



murtuza says...


That's great news. I hope it works out. And yes, as long as you deem it best, that's what I think you should work with! It is your own piece, after all and there's nothing better than having it done the way you like it. :)




A big mountain of sugar is too much for one man. I can see now why God portions it out in those little packets.
— Homer Simpson