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Holy Foetus (WARNING: potentially offensive. Ages 16+ only.)

by MasterGrieves

I don't have the time.
I don't need this now.
Awful decision:
Death vs. career.
Why should I do it?
But, why shouldn't I?
Murder my baby,
or murder my time.

It's against my faith.
But I've been thinking.
What if the problem,
saddest of all problems,
could just go away?
It's praying on me;
my brain corrupted.
Where do I go now?

"Fuck the fucking brat!
Do the right thing, girl!
Don't let it corrupt,
your fragile mind.
It won't feel a thing.
It won't know the world.
So, please stop crying!
The brat deserves it!"

"Now, my lovely child.
You're pregnant! That's great!
Our family lives!
Now, just let it grow-
god, his first school day.
That'd be a memory.
Now, don't kill it though.
That's against God's plan."

This pressure remains.
Where to go to now.
"Do it for your life!"
"Don't do it for God!"

Look- it's my choice now.
I can choose my life.
If you disagree,
with my decision,
then boo fucking hoo.
The church'll cry murder-
I'm sorry, I guess.
My boss'll want success-
I'm sorry, I guess.

Why should I gamble?
Life, death; it's too much.
Ethics up against
the vow for success.
But what can I do?
And what can I choose?

Flush it down the toilet?
Strangle the fucker?
Give birth to it, cold?
With no-one beside?
Raised in poverty?
Little chance of school?

No, no, no.
Fuck the brat.

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10 Reviews

Points: 846
Reviews: 10

Sun Feb 12, 2012 11:31 pm
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AubrielRose says...

I love how you expressed the self-debate so well. As others have suggested, I do recomend toning the anger down just a bit, it seems just a little overhwelming. It is a great work of anintrospective idea, though.

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92 Reviews

Points: 294
Reviews: 92

Sun Feb 12, 2012 8:43 pm
anna91423 says...

Wow.This is so powerful. The lines "murder my baby, or murder my time" is so thought provoking. I liked the switching between perspectives, but I don't think she should have been so decisive at the end. Just personal opinion, but sometimes I think it's better to allow the reader to make their own conclussion.

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559 Reviews

Points: 29332
Reviews: 559

Sun Feb 12, 2012 7:29 pm
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Tenyo wrote a review...

Hey Ajt!

Interesting poem. It's a little hard to get into because it seems more like a stream of thoughts than poetry, but then that may be my bias opinion. What I like most about poetry is not just that it is often thought provoking, but the sensory and imagery that this seems to lack.

Although I like the debate, the attitude of the protagonist seems strange. With all the swearing and the angry overtone it makes me wonder why this woman would even consider keeping it. It seems more like she hates this thing before it's even born, so the arguments to keep it seem out of place. If abortion is against her faith, then that means she must have faith in something, and that's not such an easy thing to abandon. If it was, it wouldn't be faith.

I think you could work with that tone of bitterness and anger, but keep that as the main emotion, rather than switching back and forth. If you want to keep both then maybe make the main emotion confusion or guilt, and the other two a little more subtle.

Overall I like where this is going. There's still more writing and refining to be done - throw in more description and action, and a little less introspection. It's a brave idea to take on and I love poets who go for challenges like this. Keep it up :)

Age was respected among his people, but achievement was revered. As the elders said, if a child washed his hands he could eat with kings.
— Chinua Achebe, Things Fall Apart