I've been running for 20 miles now
I really should take a break
I'm feeling drowsy, I'm feeling dizzy
I may have a belly ache
No more people to come my way
No civilisation to find
I got my guide to give me pep talk
But how long before I die?
I only need to talk about the first part of this.
Fabulous. Basically. This is the best one of your old works that I have so far read. It has the most current *you* in it.
So, we can look at the meaning of this literally or metaphorically.
What Went Well:
1. The imagery
2. The repetition
3. The rhetorical question (again)
What Needs Improving?
NOTHING! I could just tell you to change this work eg, add punctuation, break up lines, use more enjambent etc. but there's no point. Because there's nothing technically speaking, wrong with your writing. You have established such a strong voice here that you haven't yet lost, but I feel you mask it slightly in some of your later works by writing about things you don't believe in.
You definitely write about what you believe in here.
*huggles*
♥
Points: 240
Reviews: 530
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