She woke up to survey the wreckage. All burnt to a crisp, the area where trees once stood is now where the brown leaves flourish. Where the buildings full of populated civil servants were, has been transformed into a hot spot for mindless cannibalism, and a barbaric wasteland. Her gloves were still firmly on her hand. Her beehive style hair, her wondrous eyes- like a deer stuck in the headlights, and enjoying it. Her glasses had a fur design on it like a cat's, and a thin black dress covered her body in a velvety manner.
She was floating like a feather in an absence. The coma didn't do her good. It didn't do the fashion industry any good either. Her smile was the selling point; her over-sized cigarette still rests between her fingers, like a femme fatale through and through. Her life was full of memory of sheer celebration. She promised us great films but became a fashion icon on top of her success. Her multi-thousand pound bag gives her mystique away to holy eyes.
Beside her was a nurse, still and motionless. Her eyes didn't even dare to move, like a lion reluctantly waiting to pounce on prey. The nurse wore a standard attire for a nurse, yet she had neither cap nor a sense of reality. Her eyes were still not flickering.
The recently awakened woman looked at the window to see nothing had changed. She was still cautious with her steps, and she had no knowledge of how she got there in the first place. All she remembered were the shots, the camera, and the paranoid director. Her co-actor's tantrums, as well as endless retakes, dominated her brain when it was last active. Shooting had finished and she went upstairs for a nap. She never woke up until now.
The survivor, as glamorous as she may look, couldn't believe her eyes. The city district was shut off, and the thick colour of smoke covered the once standing trees. She took one final gaze outside, until she sarcastically said these words:
"This is what happens when I leave Hollywood for two seconds."
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,805 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.
First Impression: Well..this was a tad bit confusing, I will say that, although the title did absolutely draw me in, that vibe really wasn't getting captured all that well right here.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Oooh, a bit of a apocalyptic scenario being described right there, it certainly makes for a fairly cool entrance seen there...and you can clearly see the kind of character you're trying to bring our protagonist across as here...which is always quite fun in the first paragraph itself...not to mention all of these descriptions of wreckage certainly do get one's attention.
Okay...this paragraph seems to be a tiny bit conflicting there, I cannot decide if this is meant to be third person limited in the POV of this person being described or if this is an omniscient narrator of sorts here...all in all, there seems to be an intriguing message its trying to bring across...but at the same time its fairly random too here.
Okayy...now this definitely appears to be the narrator while that first paragraph was definitely in someone's POV...also this being a random nurse that I assume is actually an actress that went to go take a nap after being through a tiring day of shooting is also very random...I can't really tell where she comes from or how she's important here..this is a bit of a confusing turn for things to take here.
Okay...well now we're back in this person's POV by the looks of things....and hmm, while this is a sufficiently dramatic ending right here..it isn't quite clear where this is going with that middle section just coming off as a bit confusing.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, it's a decent piece, with promises of a pretty cool plot but it doesn't quite manage to live up to those promises here in this first part. Anyway that's about all I've gotta say for now.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Haha... yeeeeah. XD
The only thing that kind of bugs me is the "two seconds" line because obviously you don't take a nap for two seconds and she went to take a nap. But still, it's such a nit-picky thing to mention.
Also! There was no actual killing of zombies yet! So, this must happen next.
I hope you write more!
You're right. I like it. Audrey Hepburn and Zombies. Lovely.
This is just awesome! It;'s so descriptive i can easily picture it. i knew who you were talking about without reading the title! You are just indescribable!
Nice job can't wait to read more!