Hello, here for a review even though it’s been quite sometime your poem got out.
So umm, your poem is short. Very short actually. You’ve got absolutely no imagery, two rhymes in a AABB style; but the rhythm is pretty good. So what makes your poem nice? It’s really because of how you end. “Life is shit/ and you’re a part of it” a nice little- not a twist- more like a sharper end for such a slow and almost light hearted beginning. Kinda sad. Kinda mad as well tho. The way there is so little of anything in your poem really conveys this sense of sadness/ anger. Now I’m probably wrong, but the poem seems to make more sense to me if the guy (or girl) you say is part of this shitty world- was someone you loved.
Well maybe I’m just overthinking, but it seems to make sense. At least, if that person is someone close to you.
I don’t really get why you rated the work 16+, because umm, apart for word 11 (can’t say what it is or else I’ll be censored) there really isn’t anything you could rate 16+.
I scrolled down to the other reviews, and; excuse me if in got something wrong but.. in what way is it funny??! In what way would this poem make a good bumper sticker or a tattoo. This is a poem, not a quote!
I also disagree with those saying your poem should be longer. If it’s had been longer, you’d have gone into exposition and into imagery and into description/ but four short line, four short rhymes with AABB sequences- no, I think your poem is perfect the way it is. Maybe too stark to be a fan favorite, but just as good as any other poems that stick to your mind.
Points: 0
Reviews: 109
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