z

Young Writers Society


12+

Elevator

by MasterDimitrov


Nathan King was the last person who thought that something bad could happen to him. Rich and handsome he was one of the youngest CEOs of the city bank. There were humors that he has been stealing money from his clients for the past months who so unsuspiciously handed their trust. He was acting as if nothing was happening. This morning while he was putting his tie there was a news report playing in the background.

  • “Another mysterious murder. At 6am this morning the victim’s body was found by a pedestrian. The twenty years old woman Kate Roberts was shot three times in the chest. Police are saying that just like the other murders, this one was done with a pistol as well. The killer is still not found, but we will keep this information updated on our website www….”

Nathan didn’t care much about who died or was going to die. His life was okay and that’s the important thing. He got out of the appartament and drove his Chevrolet Camaro to work. Approaching the building he noticed a crowd of people. All of them shouting and holding signs saying: " YOU ROBBED US! "

Security was trying to hold them off by the entrance. Nathan shrugged shoulders, smiled and went down the parking underground. He was just entering the lobby when Nigel shoved into him, while holding a pack of files.

  • -Oh, excuse me, sir. I was just going to bring some documents to miss Eva.

Miss Eva was his long lasting crush since the first day he started working for him. But the fact he was just an Indian guy with really bad English and a moustache didn’t give him much courage to talk to her.

  • -I think I am finally going to speak to her, sir! – he said.

His boss smiled as if he was mocking him and raised his chin like the king he thought of himself, increasing his ego at the same time.

  • -No, Nigel. I AM the one who is going to bring her those documents. Since you’ re too much of a pussy to even talk to her for the past year. I’ll show you how it’s done. – and then he took the files from Nigel’s hands and walked past him pushing his shoulder. The Indian looked around himself and saw all the people behind the computers laughing. At him.

Nathan was going through the corridor. He headed to one of the elevators,then he noticed that one of them opened and a tall man got in. The doors were just closing in when he shouted.

  • -Stop the doors!

And the tall guy put his black shoe on the doorstep letting him in.

  • -Thanks, I’m glad I managed to catch it.

The man said nothing. They were going up the floors when the little room shook. It felt like the whole building was under an earthquake when it suddenly stopped. Now the elevator was stable. But it didn’t move.

  • -God dammit! – Nathan shouted. – Is this for real?

He started pushing random buttons. All of them lighted on and off after they were pressed. The guy next to him leaned his back on the wall. He was tall, with short red hair and freckles under his eyes, who were so tired that he barely could see anything. Few minutes passed. Then ten. Then an hour.

***

Nigel was just going up the stairs until he reached the secretary’s desk. Eva’s desk, behind which she was pushing furiously keys on the keyboard.

  • -Em, Eva.. – Nigel said as he knew his boss probably brought the files to her, already. He just needed to make up a subject just to talk to her. – Did mister King give you the files?
  • -Oh hey, Nigel. Didn’t see you there. No, I don’t know what you’re talking about. I haven’t seen him. He’s probably at the office. Now if you excuse me I’ll continue my job. Nathan gave me too much work for me to carry.

She continued to type, but Nigel was still standing in front of her.

  • -Um, Eva? Can I tell you something….

***

The 1st hour

Nathan was searching for ways to get out. He was touching the roof for a secret door, the walls for anything inconveniently broken that can help. Mostly him, because his companion he was stuck with was just sitting on the floor. Helpless. Nathan was swearing out loud and was going back and forth to the buttons again and then back to swearing. With hands to his waist he kicked the metal doors. Nothing happened.

He looked down the other guy. Crouched next to him and said.

  • -Aren’t you gonna do something, huh?! What, did you did this stupid prank to me and want to see me struggle through this bullshit!?

But the man was watching him as if Nathan wasn’t even there. The bags under his eyes and the red color inside of them made him look like he was unconscious. Nathan gave up the hope of receiving an answer and repeated the same actions as before. With every minute passing Nathan was getting fueled up. But his companion didn’t care.

The 2nd hour

  • -I’m going to lose my job for fuck’s sake! – now the only thing he did was walking laps around the elevator. – I’m losing precious money right now that I could be making in my office, not stuck with some retard who won’t even talk to me!
  • -You’re too angry… - the man finally said.
  • -Oh, so you can talk, huh.
  • -Using all of this energy for such a little problem is…pathetic and pointless.
  • -Don’t you talk about me being angry! I HAVE a reason to be! I’m the fucking boss of this bank and the one who’s in charge. Of course I’ll be angry!
  • -But aren’t you rich enough? Why need even more money if you have what you need to live a better life?

Nathan opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. He sat next to him with hands covering his face.

  • -I wasn’t always like that… - he said. – When I was young, my family was too poor to afford the little things in life. Can’t tell you how many times I’ve been counting coins so I can go and buy a simple piece of bread. I said to myself then that when I grow up it’s gonna be different. That’s why I’m so afraid of losing everything.
  • -Your story is very inspiring...
  • -Thanks.
  • -...but also very wrong.
  • -Why? – Nathan asked.
  • -You see money isn’t everything. Family is the thing you have to be heading to. Don’t get angry, because of some stupid money. I notice your suit. Probably today’s the first day you’re wearing it, your clean shaved beard. A family man, who is always with his family doesn’t have the time to shave himself every single morning or buy a new suit every week. Probably, because he is too busy comforting his children who are crying in the other room. You’re young, but also very dumb..

Now the so called boss really thought about what he said. He was right. Nathan really was caring more about the money than the really important things in life.

  • -Name’s Nathan.. – he said as he was reaching his handto him, breaking the silence. – Nathan King.
  • -Forrest. – the man answered and shook his hand.
  • -How did you ended up here, anyway? – he asked.
  • -I have a passion for guns, friend. Usually I buy pistols and rifles from the internet, but recently I noticed that my bank account’s money are decreasing. I see many people have the same problem saying that they were robbed. So I came in here to speak with the man in charge and now I realize that the guy standing behind all of this is stuck with me in the same elevator.

Forrest stood up as Nathan kept his eyes on him. Suddenly a pistol fell from his clothes and Nathan reached out for it. He was kicked in the head and fell on the ground. As Forrest was leaning for the gun Nathan grabbed his hand and bit him so hard that blood started to come out. He picked the gun, but the man slammed him into the wall. While he was restraining him a gunshot was heard. Forrest backed up and blood started coming out from his belly. He smiled and looked at Nathan.

  • -That was the plan the whole time.. – and his body collapsed.

Nathan looked at his bloody hands for what he has done. In the corner of the room a red dot was flashing the whole time. He looked closely and realized it was a camera.

The fat security man in charge of the CCTV just got out from the toilet when he saw what happened on one of the camera monitors. He called the police to report a murder in one of the building’s elevators and when they came they stumbled upon a guy surrounded by a lake of blood standing above a dead body. During the next hours he was in the arrest. Many questions were asked. Many unanswered. He was accused of committing multiple murders, during the past few months. Even though he refused to accept it, the gun which was used against Forrest was the same one used to commit those murders.

Saturday

Nigel was just dressing up for the date he had with Eva. He was going to take her out for a dinner when he looked at the TV’s news report and couldn’t help, but be blown away when he saw it. He took five minutes to pray on the bed. Then got out and drove his car away into the night.

Nigel left the TV on where there was a sentence saying.

  • “Corrupt CEO was revealed serial killer." 


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80 Reviews


Points: 5229
Reviews: 80

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Tue May 09, 2017 6:09 pm
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Jurelixranoanad wrote a review...



Hi, J here for a review.
I like this story, the CEO killing the serial killer only to get blamed himself for being the murderer is one murder mystery I have never heard. But as much as I did love the story there is something that I didn't understand. The bullet points. They indicated someone speaking at the beginning but what about the last sentence, that was the news person talking not one of the main characters.
That was the only thing I found wrong with the story. Your characters were interesting without have descriptions a mile long and the plot was carried out nicely. I love the fact that Nigel gets the girl and not Nathan. The only question that you left unanswered was what happened to Forrest, he was the serial killer so what did he do after the fact? I was very invested in this story but not to the point of OH MY GOSH WHAT THE CRAP IS GONNA HAPPEN NOW. Great job on the whole Nathan learning a lesson too. Over all nice story and good characters I nitpicked as much as I could when I was reading and didn't find anything except for the bullet point mistake.

Good Job and Keep Writing!!






I'm glad you liked it :D
And about the bullet points there're actually something that popped up when I pasted the story from Word here. I was confused as well and tried to delete them but it didn't let me. So I left it as it was.



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68 Reviews


Points: 794
Reviews: 68

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Tue May 09, 2017 5:03 pm
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Midnightmoon wrote a review...



Hi there! So I'll start with what I think should be fixed. First off, the black dots seem to indicate that someone is speaking, but at the last sentence you used quotation marks. That was a little confusing and a little hard to read. On the sentence, "Today's morning" I don't know if this is a typo, but I would change it to "This morning." I know these are nitpicks, but I think they could really make it easier to read. The story line is pretty good, I would add maybe a little imagery if possible. That was all!






Thanks a lot! I really am going to edit those things.




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