Published January 25, 2005
This is my first song that i wrote on a postcard.
Please crit so as i can learn from it
Staring up at the blue sky,
Nothing on of my mind
Whiny B***ards moving around me
I pass out on a high.
Passing judgement ain't right by me
Just leave it up to curiousity
I'm no longer an exibit,
For you to moot over
No longer caring,
Just despairing,
Suit's don't get it,
And neither do i
No point in living,
might as well just die.
I'm a dreamer, dreaming of the impossible,
Reaching up and moving on,
Let bygones be bygones,
When nothing matters,
What's the point,
Might as well leave it all behind
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,272 Literary Works • 674,332 Reviews
wait...the title? da hey?
Well, that was dark. But good writing. And rhyming. the rhyming excelled the work actually. if one attempted to write a poem like this without rhyme, it would be quite boring and unoriginal. The rhyming gave it an originial shine from a rant
. my only objection is the use of the word bastards. Was that really neccesary? Also 'nothing on of my mind'...that line. Perhaps rephrase to make more sense? Overall, good. Keep writing! Hope this helped xoxoxxo
Very dark, but very nice. What are the chord progressions? (If you play guitar, that is...)
Lol. I really liked this, even though I'm not sure what was the chorus, verse, bridge, etc. Also, the title was er...yyyeah. However, I don't think there needs to be anything changed. It's fine just the way it is, really.