Young Writers Society

I will ask you plainly, what did you want to say with this? What did you want to exhibit?

If you wanted to show off your knack for florid, lovely, well constructed lines, you succeed. But if you wanted this to be a serious piece with a theme, if you wanted to evoke more than just a simple scene, you failed. In my humble opinion - I say this because perhaps I missed something, I don't really know what this was about - you failed to strike a chord of recognition. In a way I know the feelings, but it is too vague for me to really draw parallels and to really feel it. The only hint we get is in the first line the word 'your.' Not only do you address the reader but you acknowledge the origin of the words, I would say this is about a break up? but that really is clutching at straws.

I think you would do well if this was longer, and if you gave us a few more hints so we can really live this poem, relate to the feelings. The only other criticism is the words 'meaningless rabble.' It's tautologous, rabble implies a lack of meaning, you don't need to reinforce this.

Anyway hope that helps, like I said, poetry really isn't my strong suit.

JP

It made me sad that this is so short. I wanted more! You have such a cool style, it's awesome. I really don't have much to review here. Your piece was so short, and it was good! I didn't catch any mistakes or typos. You don't need a comma after salvage them or tainted though. Um, well, this is a pretty pathetic review. I'm sorry. I wish I had more to say, but this was so simple and short... And yet you had a clear theme and you expressed it well. So, good job!

First of all, I don't believe that we've formally met, I'm Fortissimo(: I want to start off by saying that you are a really good poet. Your words shine with meaning and feeling! I can't wait to see more poems out of you. There are a few little errors that we need to take a look at, though. Okay?

The words I praise drip, distastefully, from your lips #40BF00 ">I would recommend a stop here, rather than a pause, though either will fit.
And onto the floor where they run and spread #40BF00 ">"And" is not a tasteful word to start a sentence with, don't forget a period at the end of this line!
Until they are thin and meaningless rabble.
I try to salvage them, and cup them in my hands,
But they slip back through my fingers and fall #40BF00 ">"But" is another awkward word to begin a line with, * period *
Back to the rough cement where they dry #40BF00 ">comma,
And stain the ground with a faint, tainted, glow. #40BF00 ">Take out "and."

Hello! Well, I do like this poem. Your vocab was excellent and the poem flowed nicely. I liked the layout and your grammar was fine. I don't personally get it when other reviewers go on about punctuation. Poems don't have to have it. It's how you've written it. It's called an enjamberment, I think, when a poem lacks punctuation. I personally like it. Well done. As for a title, you definately need a new one. 'Words of praise' needs to be scrapped. The title didn't draw me to your piece, though your writing was lovely. The only reason I viewed it was because you only had one review. Sorry. The quality of your writing did not detract from this piece. The title did. But I'm afraid I can't offer you any advice. You need to figure one out for yourself!
~ Amelia

Hey! Icy here to review. As I say to all my reviewees feel free to ignore any of the comments that I post on your work - after all, they are only my opinion. I'm not the best at poetry, so I'm uncertain as to how much I can help you, but I hope I can assist in some manner! This is a very short piece so it's likely I won't have many nipicks, I'll try tp think of a title as I go through.

Masquerade wrote:The words I praise drip, distastefully, from your lips#800040 ">comma or full stop.
And onto the floor where they run and spread#800080 ">comma
Until they are thin and meaningless rabble.
I try to salvage them, and cup them in my hands,
But they slip back through my fingers and fall#800080 ">comma
Back to the rough cement where they dry#800080 ">comma
And stain the ground with a faint, tainted, glow.