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Dark Flare Chapter 1 - part 1

by Mason


Old note from a scientist

When I first got an email about this project, I knew the time that I was waiting for my whole life. I was born for this, the outcome of my life time research, people finally decided to acknowledge it. This project will be risky, but by succeeding this humanity will evolve once more. It’s like a fire; dangerous but more important than anything. If you get too close, it burns you but if you stay close by, it gives you warmness.

Without the fire, we couldn’t have evolved to this point. Our ancestors had to go through a cold winter without heat before discovering the magic given by fire. The fire changed everything, didn’t it? But was it easy to get the fire? Humans were terrified of it as much as animals were. But humans overcame the fear inside them and finally tamed that burning object.

It was risky to tame the fire and it’s also risky to succeed in this project. However, when this project is over, it shall burn like a fire and change us forever. It will burn in a bright, vibrant flare.

So, I named it the Flare project.

Chapter 1: (should I make chapter names?)

It was a few years ago when me, my brother and Dad moved to the United States. “Land of opportunity” my Dad would call it. I’m not so sure about that but one thing was crystal clear. We still lived in a small, almost falling apart house up on the hill just like we did back in Japan. Summer sunlight would burn through my skin, coming through the dirty, shaggy old windows. Winter breeze would cut my skin like a knife, blowing horrendously through the cracks in the wall. Yet, I never considered my life to be discouraging and sad. If there’s one thing that my Father has taught me, it was to survive in this world. He told me that no matter how hard things get, I must not let anyone pity me.

“By accepting the help of the wealthy, it would be admitting the vulnerability of yourself.”

My Father used to tell me all the time. The kids at school had nice clothes, new shoes and a warm meal waiting for them at a warm comfy house hold. Dad told me that those people will only reach out to someone like us for their pleasure. By helping us, they feel needed and superior over us. The feeling of wanting to rely on reaching out for help; that’s what makes us weak and helpless. As a foreign student who had no money and legacy, I engraved these thoughts into my mind and pushed myself hard. Maybe it was the way I dressed or the way I acted but I could not make any friends in America. I enjoyed myself just in my thoughts and paying no attention to the outside world. Whatever the reason was, kids at my school stopped paying attention to me and it stayed that way forever. Soon after that, some rumors went around about me. Some kids called me names such as freak, dirty pig or all sorts of other unreasonable things. Yet, I simply didn’t mind them very much because I knew that I will never be part of them. Only thing that pushed me to wake up in the morning, get into my dirty clothes and walk to school with torned apart shoes was the encouragement from my Dad. Dad was a busy man and he only came back from work on weekends. When he came back, he would tell me all sorts of things and teach me so much more than stupid school could ever teach me. I had no idea what my Dad worked for; it never really mattered. The best part was when my Dad told stories about Japan: my home country. My memories of Japan were foggy and unclear as I was only four years old when I left it. My Dad would talk about beautiful streets filled with blooming Sakura (Japanese word for cherry blossom), mesmerizing landscapes and big, shining cities of Tokyo. He told me that if I study hard and be a good boy, he will take me there again someday. I suppose part of me hoped that there could be someone who can relate and understand me better because nobody seemed to in America.

As there were good parts, there were parts that sucked. On weekdays, there was nothing much to do at home. My older brother always came late at night or never came and I had to find something to eat and go to bed alone. It was the good days when my brother didn’t come back because I was simply terrified of him. He was the most aggressive, annoying big brother you could ever have. He never seemed to speak a single sentence without a swear and always talked about how garbage this world is for making him live in such a place. He basically hated everyone and I would have hated him if he wasn’t my only brother. But anyways, the point is, my life didn’t suck so bad. At least in my opinion.

It was a beautiful summer day. As I stood up on the hill, looking down at the buildings beneath me, I felt a cool breeze wash up against my cheek. I love doing this so much. I felt like I was the king of the world, ruling over those small people downtown. My gaze slowly shifted away from the town and right below me where old houses layed for miles and miles, clingned together tight. My heart was beating fast all of a sudden, unexplainable emotions erupted inside me like a volcano. I wanted to scream, I wanted to destroy everything in my sight. I always believed that my life was alright. It suddenly felt like it was not anymore. Seeing my house and tall buildings from downtown at a glance made me want to escape this place. Everyday was the same; school, home, school, home… over and over again. No exciting events, no birthday parties, no nothing! Maybe I had this feeling for a while, I just never realized it before. Whatever it was, I was feeling trapped in a cage. All my senses screamed out to me.

‘I will die if I keep living like this’

I needed to escape and free myself from this crappy neighborhood I grew tired of. Before I could do anything else, I felt wind rushing through my hair, houses passing by fast. I was running very fast. I ran down the street, down the hill and into downtown. Maybe I will find something new, something different. I ran until my lungs couldn’t take it anymore. I held onto a pillar next to me, trying to get a control of my gaping lungs and sweat streaming down like a waterfall.

Wait, the pillar looks awfully familiar to me. Then, it came to me; I was standing in front of my school. The part of my everyday life that I suddenly grew tired of and wanted to escape. I was furious. Why this place? Why not something new?

I ran back up the hill, across the streets and back to the point where I started running. This time, I will make some new ones so that I can go somewhere new. Few minutes later, I found myself holding on to the same pillar, gasping helplessly for air.

It has been weeks since I started running mindlessly after school. I swear I did everything to go somewhere new. I tried different roads, streets but I always ended up in front of my school. I was really trapped. My instincts were not letting me go somewhere new and do a fresh start. I considered discussing the matter with my Dad but Dad would get angry with me even going down to the town. He was super sensitive about me going to a new place and meeting new people. As I layed in my bed, more like old clothes piled up to be honest, I simulated different ways I should take tomorrow.

Wind crashed on to my face as I ran down the hill for almost a 100th time now. I was determined to find something new this time. Something grabbed the back of my shirt and pulled me back, completely lifting me off the ground. Next thing I saw was an old man’s face up close. He had gray hair with white beard. Looking into his eyes, I felt a chill running down my spine. It was so emotionless and cold… hollow.

“Hey! Put me down”

I screeched, kicking my legs trying to reach the man. Yet, the only thing my legs were doing was wasting my energy kicking the air. Who does this old man think he is? Can he not see that I was doing something important?

The old man bursted with a loud laughter that irritated me even further.

“I said Put me Down!”

“You're an energetic child aren’t you?”

The old man said with a smile. The smile made him look less intimidating but wasn’t enough to resolve my anger.

“Who do you think you are, you…”

“You must be in Cairo. Am I right, young man?”

Did he just call me names? How? I would have remembered an annoying old man like him if I met him before.

“Sorry for… stopping whatever you were doing there. I’m… I’m an old friend of your Father… Ah, yes, we're work partners.”

The man said, putting me down on the ground. I gave the best glare I could do to the men and positioned myself to run again. Then a firm hand pressed my shoulders, steady as iron.

“Not so fast Cairo. I see you have some problems ay? Are you feeling trapped?”

“It’s none of your business”

“I apologize for being rude, young man, I just wanted to help you. Wouldn’t you just love to see something amazing? Something new maybe?”

It made me stop. Something new?

“Like what?”

“I want you to stop running and walk this time. You see that part over there where the road splits into two? Take the right side, walk 3 blocks and turn left. I’m sure that you can remember this since you are a smart young man, just like your Father.”

“And why should I listen to an old fart like you?”

I said, not trusting this new figure who just ruined my everyday routine.

“You don’t have to of course, just a small suggestion. Oh by the way, if you do find something amazing there, do me a favor in return. Don’t tell your Father about me because… it’s supposed to be a fun little surprise. I came here to see you.”

With that the old man turned around and walked down the hill. I stood there stiff as a rock until the man disappeared out of sight. I wondered if Dad ever mentioned this man as his friend. My Dad never really talked about his personal life so I assumed not. I didn’t want to feel like an idiot following this stranger’s instructions. Yet, how could I not check it out? I mean, it’s only four blocks away after all. I could just take a little pick and come back because obviously there will be nothing new or special. I will probably end up somewhere near my school anyways.

With that, I took off, trying to remember every detail that the old man just told me about. As I kept walking further and further, my emotions grew unsteady. However, I couldn’t turn back here, I was seeing some new roads, people and buildings. Maybe this time, just maybe, things can be different.

I eventually arrived at a place I’ve never seen before. Trees were placed in an organized way and green grass was growing out of the ground. Looking around, I could see small pathways spreading across multiple directions with trees above it creating a shade. People were jogging with their headphones on or walking their dogs peacefully. I could instantly feel the climbing and slow-paced atmosphere of the place, nothing I would have expected from downtown. I randomly got on to one of the pathways and walked in a straight line, hoping to find something more interesting.

“Ha! Told you I’m better!”

Voice full of confidence penetrated my ears, making me flinch with the sudden sound. I turned my head around to see a flat ground on the right side of the path. The opening was a circular shape and was surrounded by trees all the way. What caught my eye was a strange object in the middle of the opening. It looked like some kind of stage made out of iron. The stage is in a perfect circular shape with a diameter of about 10m and 5m tall with stairs on the two opposite sides. On the top of the stage, two boys about my age were smiling at each other, holding a blue ball shaped object in their hands.

“Wanna go for round two loser?”

One of the boys asked the other.

“You bet. Things are gonna be different this time”

The boy on the right side walked over to the corner of the stage and pressed a green button. With the sound of a machine rumbling, I could not believe what just happened before my eyes. From the circumference of the stage, a thin blue light shot out and covered the whole stage, forming some kind of wall. It looked like a transparent eagle made out of weird blue electricity. I could see the two boys standing inside of the stage pretty clearly. Once in a while, an electric surge went across the walls, forming a hexagon shape as it went. I could see that the same blue light had also covered the ground.

“Bring it”

One of the boys said confidently as he held a blue spear shaped object high. The spear seemed to be made out of the similar substance that was forming the wall on the stage. It was a transparent blue with a handle on one side and a pointed end on the other side. The boy on the right launched himself towards his opponent with extreme speed and swung the spear at him. However, the boy on the left drudge it quickly and smacked the other boy on the face with the spear, sending him flying all across the stage and crashing into the wall. What just happened, how did he fly so far away so suddenly? Is he ok?

Some other boys outside of the stage cheered loudly as the boy who just got flown away got up. That was when I realized something was on the boy’s head. It was a small shining green button tied to his head with a headband. I looked around the place to see that all the boys were wearing the same thing on their heads. My mind frantically searched for a good explanation of what was happening. I could see that this was some kind of sport.

My thoughts were interrupted with a loud beeping noise from the stage as the light flickered and walls disappeared. The spears also stopped glowing and changed its shape into a ball shaped object that the boys were holding before the game started.

“I won again”

The boy on the left said, teasing as the boy on the right grumbled and went down the stage.

“Alright then, who’s next?”

The winner said, smiling widely, showing his bright white teeth. A surge of excitement shot up across my body. I had a feeling that this was exactly what I was wanting to find, something new and exciting. Was the weird old man intending for me to find this place? If he did, he’s a genius.

Without hesitation, I stepped out of the woods with my raised hand.

“ME”

I said with a cracked, dry voice. As soon as the words left my mouth, all the boys turned their gaze over to me. I could feel my face burning hot as I slowly walked over to the stage. The metal stage was shining bright with the sunlight, almost blinding me.

continew on the next part 


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6 Reviews


Points: 29
Reviews: 6

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Tue Jul 25, 2023 5:03 am
MrW0op3r wrote a review...



I really love how the whole intro part talks about how humanity tamed Fire like it did animals, because in a way we did, fire was just like any other predator, only more hungry and destructive. When we looked past our fears and harnessed it, we quite literally made the most important discovery in history. Warmth in winter, more food, the beginning of metalworking.




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Thu Jul 06, 2023 4:25 am
alpacaboss wrote a review...



Alright! This surely looks like an interesting and great start to the story! This is alpacaboss and, hey! Welcome to YWS! Glad you're posting stuff already. I tend to vary the structure of my reviews based on its length and overall plot. For this, I'll be getting different parts of the story that seem crucial to the plot and those I find interesting. Let's get started!

When I first got an email about this project, I knew the time that I was waiting for my whole life. I was born for this, the outcome of my life time research, people finally decided to acknowledge it. This project will be risky, but by succeeding this humanity will evolve once more. It’s like a fire; dangerous but more important than anything. If you get too close, it burns you but if you stay close by, it gives you warmness.

Without the fire, we couldn’t have evolved to this point. Our ancestors had to go through a cold winter without heat before discovering the magic given by fire. The fire changed everything, didn’t it? But was it easy to get the fire? Humans were terrified of it as much as animals were. But humans overcame the fear inside them and finally tamed that burning object.

It was risky to tame the fire and it’s also risky to succeed in this project. However, when this project is over, it shall burn like a fire and change us forever. It will burn in a bright, vibrant flare.

So, I named it the Flare project.


I wonder what this project will be about! Certainly, it involves the usage of flame and its properties, but what new things will he discover and how will he use it? What will be the results of this project? Will it be as wonderful as he describes? These descriptions immerse the reader in the story and make them wonder...what exactly am I getting into? Is this a brilliant man who was discovered how to use fire in his new invention? Or is this a mad scientist who is obsessed with the fire?

Chapter 1: (should I make chapter names?)


This is a totally valid question lol. It depends on you. Chapter names are another way to hook the reader into the book and prepare them for what may come next. It can also provide some form of suspense. For example, if you name your chapter "Childhood", the reader would know that this chapter talks about the protagonist's childhood. If you call this chapter, "The Metal Stage", I'm sure the readers would be curious to know what relation this metal stage has with your protagonist. However, adding chapter names is also another task all by itself. You may need to pour research and extra imagination into making one. So it's purely up to you.

“By accepting the help of the wealthy, it would be admitting the vulnerability of yourself.”


The principles your parents taught you that stick with you tell a lot about what kind of person you are and what person your parents trained you up to be. Obviously, we could determine that our protagonist has been raised to fend for themselves, not caring about what others think.

It was a beautiful summer day. As I stood up on the hill, looking down at the buildings beneath me, I felt a cool breeze wash up against my cheek. I love doing this so much. I felt like I was the king of the world, ruling over those small people downtown. My gaze slowly shifted away from the town and right below me where old houses layed for miles and miles, clingned together tight. My heart was beating fast all of a sudden, unexplainable emotions erupted inside me like a volcano. I wanted to scream, I wanted to destroy everything in my sight. I always believed that my life was alright. It suddenly felt like it was not anymore. Seeing my house and tall buildings from downtown at a glance made me want to escape this place. Everyday was the same; school, home, school, home… over and over again. No exciting events, no birthday parties, no nothing! Maybe I had this feeling for a while, I just never realized it before. Whatever it was, I was feeling trapped in a cage. All my senses screamed out to me.

‘I will die if I keep living like this’


Ahh, those random moments of epiphany. I feel it will be more realistic if you made a series of small moments that amounted to this moment of epiphany. You can describe how he feels sick of the monotony of life, but pushes it away. You can make him think that the day feels robotic because of how ordinary and uneventful it is. That way, this random burst of epiphany will make sense and not seem out of nowhere.

“And why should I listen to an old fart like you?”

I said, not trusting this new figure who just ruined my everyday routine.

“You don’t have to of course, just a small suggestion. Oh by the way, if you do find something amazing there, do me a favor in return. Don’t tell your Father about me because… it’s supposed to be a fun little surprise. I came here to see you.”


For his desire for a change, he listen to the old man, despite his initial aversion. I like how you noted "I said, not trusting this new figure who just ruined my everyday routine". Innately, our protagonist still finds comfort in the known, afraid of the new even though he says to crave for it. This adds another layer of complexity to our character which is nice.

“ME”

I said with a cracked, dry voice. As soon as the words left my mouth, all the boys turned their gaze over to me. I could feel my face burning hot as I slowly walked over to the stage. The metal stage was shining bright with the sunlight, almost blinding me.


Aha! Will this be a defining moment in the character's life? A milestone that propelled him to become a scientist/inventor? And what were the kids playing with? Why were their sports advanced? Could the world be more technologically advanced but the narrator didn't know? How did the old man know about the children? There are so many questions! Perhaps we will know in the succeeding chapters!


Overall, this is an interesting chapter. I suggest scanning the chapter for inconsistencies in grammar and parts you can possibly simplify more. Besides that, I can't wait to see how this will progress!

This is alpacaboss, signing off.




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Thu Jul 06, 2023 3:59 am
LuminescentAnt wrote a review...



Hello! Welcome to YWS!
I'm gonna review this chapter of yours that you have written. I liked it a lot, it is realy interesting. I'm gonna start right away.

It’s like a fire; dangerous but more important than anything. If you get too close, it burns you but if you stay close by, it gives you warmness.

I liked this reference a lot. It makes a lot of sense, and you described it really well, making it perfect for this situation. Great job!
It was a few years ago when me, my brother and Dad moved to the United States.

I'm sorry to be picky grammar person, but this should be "my brother, Dad, and I."
We still lived in a small, almost falling apart house up on the hill just like we did back in Japan. Summer sunlight would burn through my skin, coming through the dirty, shaggy old windows. Winter breeze would cut my skin like a knife, blowing horrendously through the cracks in the wall.

Nice describing here! You use a lot of imagery, which is good. I can really imagine what the house is like in my head.
“By accepting the help of the wealthy, it would be admitting the vulnerability of yourself.”

Hmm. Very interesting. This is good character development for the father, it really shows what kind of person he is.
I have a suggestion for the really big paragraph that is after this sentence: I would split it up a little, because it's really big and it would be nicer to read if it was spread out a little. Just a suggestion, though!
Yet, I simply didn’t mind them very much because I knew that I will never be part of them. Only thing that pushed me to wake up in the morning, get into my dirty clothes and walk to school with torned apart shoes was the encouragement from my Dad. Dad was a busy man and he only came back from work on weekends.

This paragraph decribes really well how hard his life is. It talks about how his family is very poor and his Dad isn't around a lot.
It was the good days when my brother didn’t come back because I was simply terrified of him. He was the most aggressive, annoying big brother you could ever have. He never seemed to speak a single sentence without a swear and always talked about how garbage this world is for making him live in such a place. He basically hated everyone and I would have hated him if he wasn’t my only brother.

The brother is an interesting character. He seems to be very secluded from others, and also very mean. But it's also interesting that the narrator says he is scared of his brother, but he also doesn't hate him because he doesn't have anyone else.
Something grabbed the back of my shirt and pulled me back, completely lifting me off the ground. Next thing I saw was an old man’s face up close. He had gray hair with white beard. Looking into his eyes, I felt a chill running down my spine. It was so emotionless and cold… hollow.

I think you could add a little more depth in your description of the old man, but that is just my opinion. Good job in this part otherwise!
I could not believe what just happened before my eyes. From the circumference of the stage, a thin blue light shot out and covered the whole stage, forming some kind of wall. It looked like a transparent eagle made out of weird blue electricity.

I also think you can add more description on how shocked the narrator is at all this, since it's all new to him. But as usual, this is entirely optional.
Without hesitation, I stepped out of the woods with my raised hand.
“ME”

Wow, he seems to really want to do something exciting. I'm so curious as to what exactly they were doing when they were fighting.
That's al for the review! Overall, this is a very interesting chapter, I hope to read further into this series. Happy writing!

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Mason says...


Thank you so much for your detailed reply. This was my first time posting my own writing and you have no idea how much this means to me! I'm so glad you enjoyed it and I'm planning to write more in the future.
"It looked like a transparent eagle made out of weird blue electricity."
In this sentence describing the stage, the word 'eagle' was supposed to be 'Iglu'. Have no idea why this happened, just so that you have a better understanding.





Oh I didn%u2019t notice that. That makes more sense haha




One is not born, but rather becomes a woman.
— Simone de Beauvoir, The Second Sex