z

Young Writers Society



The Letter

by Masala


The Letter

The letter; she's been waiting
Days, upon days, upon days
Hope flies into her heart at life's promises
But the fear and dread come unwanted
Doubt in her ability swirls in the depths of her mind

The letter; fluttering in the mouth
Of that foul, wretched creature
That cruel black crow
Swooping down, shrouded in darkness
Veiling its blackened heart

The letter; it came
Beckoning, whispering, enticing
Her wait is over
Torn paper, messages revealed
Her life is a failure

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7 Reviews

Points: 890
Reviews: 7

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Sun Apr 12, 2009 3:53 am
Masala says...



Thank you all for your reviews. But I did want to clear some things up. The image of the crow I used in the second stanza is not referring to an actual bird delivering the message. But crows have been seen as bad omens and the letter she receives is bad news.

I wrote the poem after receiving my rejection letter from graduate school. It takes forever for the letters to come in the first place and then you're so excited to finally get the letter and then to have it not be the news you wanted led me to conclude the poem with;

Torn paper, messages revealed
Her life is a failure

Anyways, thanks everyone for reviewing!




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206 Reviews

Points: 5715
Reviews: 206

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Sun Apr 12, 2009 3:39 am
Lil_Pau wrote a review...



Hi there! I'd like to review your poem. ^^

One mistake I noticed in the first stanza:

Masala wrote:The Letter

The letter; she's been waiting
Days, upon days, upon days
Hope flys into her heart at life's promises I believe it should be 'flies'
But the fear and dread come unwanted
Doubt in her ability swirls in the depths of her mind


Overall, this poem was good. I like your use of descriptive words.

However, I felt that there was something missing between the first and second stanza; they lacked continuity, and while reading it, I thought, 'something's not right here.'

Also, in the second stanza, are you saying that the letter was carried/delivered by a crow? This is not uncommon in movies and fantasy books, but try to keep it logical. Birds can't send letters. You should redo this stanza.

As for the third stanza, I think it was better than the other stanzas, but for the last two lines:

Torn paper, messages revealed
Her life is a failure

I think you should replace it with something else. It clashes horribly with the theme of the poem.

Another problem is punctuation. Many people think it's not necessary, but yes, it is! It helps with the flow of the poem.

Hope this helped.
Keep writing! :)




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Points: 890
Reviews: 6

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Sat Apr 11, 2009 8:10 pm
kemunto omare says...



very unique piece of work and the second stanza is very creative.
I also like the the third stanza which ends the poem in a mysterious yet dark sided way/

All I can say is that I like this poem!




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6 Reviews

Points: 890
Reviews: 6

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Fri Apr 10, 2009 8:10 am



Cool, I dig. The second stanza lacked continuity with the rest of the piece, but it had a wonderful dark feel.





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