Published October 8, 2011
Life has so much in it, we all have different stories to tell, so much to offer.
However, life consists of three things: hopes, depths, and despairs.
How is this suppose to be life?
Hope lie with the future, we all look for the best, we all want happiness, and to be successful
It all begins with hope,
We start hoping young for the bestest life the world has to offer, hoping to find the person we really are
Hope is what will bring these precious pleasures in our lives,
Depths are the present,
Everyday brings a new story, and a new depth, a challenge we all must accomplish
Depths have no absolute limit, they all vary, the farther down, the more of a challenge you're at
Finally, the past, despairs, despairs are our sorrows, griefs, and losses,
The past brings mistakes of which we must learn from
The past is one of the hardest things to deal with in life because there are just some things we keep holding on to
Despairs bring tears and misery, but at one point we must let go,
Hopes, Depths, and Despairs
The despairs (past) in life bring us new depths,(present) and with these new depths, we must hope (future) for the best to keep coming along
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Hello there!!
First off, I'd just like to say that this piece has quite a bit of potential. With a little bit of editing, I feel like it could be truly amazing.
I feel like this is a good way to start this piece. I do have a few changes that I could suggest. There should be a period at the end of the first and third lines. Also, I feel like the third line would've been much more fluent had you omitted the words 'let me explain.' I do not feel like they were necessary. Other than that, this part of the poem was great.
So, I love love love the idea of hopes, depths, and despairs being compared to the past, present, and future. Genius. However, I do feel like the ending of the poem could've been made stronger and still tied together those concepts in the same way that you did here. There should've been a colon at the end of the first line, and a period at the end of the second and third lines. This would've make the poem more polished and easier to read. I also think that you could've omitted the third line.
Always remember, it's what you think about your work that matters. All I'm doing is giving you a few suggestions; if you don't like or agree with them, that's totally okay. Stay true to yourself and continue to write what you like. That's all that matters.
All in all, great work!!! I hope to read more from you in the future! Always keep writing!!
-Rose
This might sound a little strange, but to me this almost seemed a little too...organized? It felt a little more like an essay format than a poem's, where an essay boxes out what you're going to say then you expand on each, and a poem more or less typically just follows a strand of thoughts or feelings in the natural order that we put them in. I like the concept, and I definitely think this was interesting, but I don't think you should have it so bluntly state "this is how I see life, this is the order, etc." Let us sift out what you mean. On the other hand, this was still a decent poem, it just seems to categorized to me.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver