Hello, everyone. I want to say that I was once on this site, before. And I am taking my old novel and for the billionth time I'm changing the plot. So I am NOT stealing my old work for my new account. It's still me. I am placing this novel of mine in the Romantic tab, because it's simple, it has romance in it. So please don't ask why it's not in the historical tab. Thank you. I do have the summary to this novel and I think the title needs to change. Well, I hope you all enjoy. Oh, would you mind giving me helpful tips and pointers? Counting critiques. Thanks!
This prologue is revised.
Prologue
May 1813
Hadley Estate
Appearing at the front of the house was a single black carriage. The huge and enormous horses were either black as coal or brown as chestnut. As the driver pulled the reins, the horses began to neigh out loud. Their sound traveled quite far aways that it was certain that the gardeners could hear them on the other side of the estate. The horses were not familiar with their surroundings, as their hooves clanked upon the cobblestone path.
There were two footman, one that took the luggage off top of the carriage and carried them inside the large estate, grunting to himself because the luggage was too heavy. The other took out the steps and opened the door.
Lady Katherine Hadley excepted the firm calloused hand of one of the footman. She smiled down at him, bowing her head in appreciation to him and gracefully stepped out of the carriage.
The sound of crunching stones against slippers and the rustling of skirts made across the garden like path. The young miss walked down the pathway with an air of sophistication and elegance. She had learned a lot from her governess. From perfect posture, rightful conversation and to everyday life in high society.
She then stopped for a moment and took in the wonderful sight of her family home. On front of the house, on each side was a line of thin green trees. They were quite tall and ran all the way down to where the pond ended.
In the middle was the grand pond. The very one that the master of the household loved to catch his fish. The pond was a dark navy blue that held all different sorts of fish and was always the catch of the season. Outlining the large pond were small bushes, with red berries going in and out.
The young lady then closed her olive colored eyes and a wash of memories flooded her. Memories of playing in the apple tree and her mother scolding her for ruining the dress. Memories of sharing secrets with her friends that always got her in trouble. Even memories of that one skit she did with her younger sister to entertain her parents. Her childhood memories of the good and bad slowly went away as she opened her eyes.
As she reached the grand doors of the Hadley Estate two doorman dressed in very appropriate attire opened the doors.
“Lady Katherine. How wonderful to see you again.” She looked up and nodded as saw her family's butler. He had been with them since her birth and had known each other for quite some time.
Katherine slid off her elbow length, pale blue gloves, “Mr. Wellington.” She handed him her gloves and her Spencer jacket. “It is nice to be home again.”
“And how was your trip to your cousins?” He asked, knowing his station in the household.
Her lips curved up a little into a lively smile, “It went very well. Thank you for asking.” Katherine paused and glanced behind him and slowly she lost her smile.
“Is there anything wrong, Lady Katherine?” He turned to see what she was looking at and back at her.
“No, Wellington. But, where is my family?” She asked being confused why they weren't there greeting her return home.
“Lord and Lady Hadley are in his study.”
“Whatever for?”
Wellington started to feel uncomfortable in his position. He was not one who was to be asked questions like this. “I believe it is not for me to know.”
“Oh, I see.” As Katherine looked down for a moment.
“But, your sister seems to be in that hallway.”
She looked up and began to walk away, quickly. “Thank you, Wellington!”
Katherine made it to that hallway and saw her younger sister she hadn't seen in months. She wasn't close to her, but they were sisters, anyway.
“Isabelle.” She called out as her once forgotten smile now appeared back.
The younger sister turned her head too quickly that her neck almost snapped. She immediately raised her index finger to her lips, “Shh!”
“What is the matter?” Katherine picked up her skirts and rushed over to her sister, who was listening to the conversation that was happening on the other side of the white door.
Isabelle glanced at her older sister, “Father had gotten a urgent letter that came early this morning.”
“What is it about?” She asked.
The younger one shook her head, “I don't know. I can barely hear them.”
A few moments passed with them trying to hear their parents discussing over the letter, but all was a lost to them.
Suddenly both of them heard footsteps coming to the door and they backed away. The door creaked opened, stopped for a moment, and then opened all the way.
The girl's mother, Lady Elizabeth, the Countess of Ashford looked at them with her dark brows raised up and a smile plastered to her face. “Girls, what are you doing?”
“Nothing, mama.” Isabelle said, trying to hide the fact that she was eavesdropping.
“Katherine, your back?” She looked up to see her father, Lord Richard, the Seventh Earl of Ashford. “I thought we wouldn't expect to see you till later of today?”
“Oh no, father. Our cousins let me go early.”
Her mother stepped in, “And how was your journey? Safe, I perhaps.”
“Yes, mama.”
Her family had reached the tea room and sat down for tea and biscuits. Katherine picked up her favorite mint tea and took a sip.
Isabelle finished a treat as she asked, “And how is Aunt Virgina? Still acting rude as always?”
The elder sister laughed, “To you she might be. But Aunt Virgina is doing quite well.”
“And the rest of the family?” Her mother asked.
“The same. Cousin George has gone to Oxford, Julia is now engaged to a Mr. Armstrong, and John and Marie have gotten back from schooling.”
“And how is Uncle Edward?” Isabelle asked.
“His health is not the best, but I am sure he will recover soon.”
Lord Richard interrupted, “That reminds me.”
“Of what, my dear?” Lady Elizabeth asked as she took a sip of her hot tea.
“Oxford.”He said bluntly. Lord Richard took out a cream colored letter out of his blue waist coat. “This letter I have came from an old college friend from Oxford.”
“And who would that be father?” Isabelle questioned.
He looked at his family for a second and then answered his daughter's question. “His name is Lord Charles Hampton.”
An awkward silence floated above the walls for no one knew who was Lord Hampton. Then suddenly Katherine spoke, lifting the silence, “And father. What is Lord Hampton's place in society?”
Lord Richard glanced back down at the letter and spoke without lifting his gaze, “Last time I heard of him, which was months ago, his father the late Earl of Westley had passed on from life.”
Lady Elizabeth raised her soft hand to her lips and whispered out loud, “Oh, I am so sorry.”
“No need, my dear.” He looked away from the letter and turned his attention back to his family, “It was such a long time ago.”
Isabelle stepped in and broke the dreary and heavy atmosphere, “Papa, what place in society is Lord Hampton now?”
With a quick glance at the letter he spoke clearly, “Charles is now the new third Earl of Westley.”
“And what does Lord Charles Hampton say?” Katherine asked, turning the conversation towards the purpose of the letter.
“Oh, yes. I quite forgotten about it.” Her father cleared his throat and began, “He says he has a family now. A family of five, with three children. His wife is Lady Lila Hampton. Charles says they met at one of the Winter season's balls many years ago.” He paused and murmured something to himself. Which sounded like an “Oh, my.”
They rest of the family glanced at each other, wondering what Lord Richard was thinking about all of a sudden. Until Isabelle broke in, “What is it, papa?”
Her father slowly snapped out of his thoughts and spoke, “Charles says that he 'courted' his future wife.”
“Courted?” Isabelle asked.
“Yes, courted, Isabelle.” Lord Richard then spoke clearly this time, “Isabelle, Katherine, no gentleman out there will court my daughters until they have gone through me.”
Katherine, who wanted to know the rest of the letter said, “Of course, father. And what else does Lord Hampton say?”
He then gave his attention back to the letter that was in his hands, “After so many months of being in love, they married.”
“Oh, how sweet.” The mother of the house said.
“What is, Elizabeth?”
“They fell in love. Not all marriages now have that. It is all about following duty and the next heir to the family line.”
“Yes, I see.” Lord Richard muttered to himself.
“Do continue, papa.” Isabelle mentioned.
“Ah, yes.” As he pulled himself out of his endless thoughts, “Charles has a son, the heir to the family. His name is Peter Hampton, the Viscount Hartshire.”
“A Viscount?” Isabelle asked being all too curious.
“Yes, he is not quite older then Katherine.” As he nodded to his eldest. “The other two children are misses and twins.”
“Twins?” Katherine interjected. “I have not met a twin or twins before.”
“You haven't, but you will.” Lord Richard took a biscuit into his mouth. After finishing he spoke again, “You all will.”
“What do you mean, Richard?” His wife asked. The whole family was becoming confused at what he was getting at.
“Besides wanting to see me after so many years, he says he would love to see all of you.”
“But why, father?” Katherine asked.
Lord Richard glanced at the letter and then summarized what it said, “Charles girls are of age and are in the mist of having their London season. He says their first coming-out was so wonderful that the very next day suitors waited at the front door wanting to see the twins. And because it all went so well he would love to sponsor any of my girls that are of age and haven't had a season.”
“Papa, does that mean-”
Katherine stopped Isabelle and asked, “Sponsor?”
“Yes, sponsor, Katherine. For you see, Charles owns a line of grand hotels and he also says he would love for us to stay at his grandest hotel there in London.”
As a smile appeared upon Isabelle's innocent face, Lady Elizabeth spoke, “And have you accepted his offer, my dear?”
“He needs to know our answer as soon as possible. To prepare our arrival.”
“London! How wonderful.” Isabelle was so excited that she couldn't contain her giddiness.
Lord Richard then said, “Lastly he says he will pay for everything and anything that we need, because he is so rich and is very proud of his girls coming-out.”
“And when will we go to London?” Katherine then asked.
“June.” He said.
“But that is just a mere month away.”
“I assume he can't wait to see us.” As he smiled brightly at Isabelle and his wife. And then Lord Richard Hadley announced to his family, “For the month of June we go to London.”
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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Angel of Death~
I thank you bunches of times for checking this part out for me. I revised and edited the best I could. The dialogue of that era, I'm still having trouble with.
I'm glad you liked it, and thanks again!
{Ellen}
Hey Ellen!
It feels so good to read something of yours, after so long but I hope my review is helpful.
You don't know how excited I got when I read that!
This is a good beginning but I feel it can be better. I felt that though you were describing the setting to us, it was still kinda bland. Utilize all the senses. You painted something we can see but make us hear noise. Like maybe, the horses are neighing and their hooves are trampling over the cobblestone road like thunder claps. Maybe the footman are grunting because the luggage is heavy. Think about it.
I'd reword this.
Try:
Lady Katherine Hadley excepted the firm calloused hand of one of the footman. She smiled down at him, bowing her head in appreciation to him and gracefully stepped out of the carriage.
The sentence where it says "Even though...." can be nixed. It doesn't seem like it's important. The example I gave is to show you that you can have fun with mixing around words and using adjectives and vivid descriptions. Remember, this is an historical romance. People like Jane Austen and Ian McEwan used descriptions and colorful language a lot, so you have the right to describe everything down to the last T.
Okay, Ellen. I think that you should continue this because I do want to see what happens in London.
My advice to you is work on using more detailed words and descriptions. Try your best not to force the 18th century dialogue and take your time.
One thing I would like to see is facial expressions and just pretend like you are Lady Hadley. See through her eyes. Also, when I am describing a manor or a house. I find a picture of what I think it should look like and write about it.
PM me when you post more of this,
~Angel