History Repeat

Lark Freer, I know, odd name right? It probably sounds like some band members stage name, but it's not. Lark Freer is an original, cool, lovely name that my mother gave me before she died. But yeah, that was probably....Seven hundred years ago. So what? I'm a vampire and I've lived for quite a while, seeing as i was one of the first five to be turned. And I'm probably one of the only people who know the full story behind the Vampire past. But, i wont go into that now. Right now, I'm walking into my new home, last house on Emerald Ave, right by Pearl Beach. Apparently, there are quite a few other vampires living in this town, but i haven't met any yet. Ad you're probably thinking "Aren't vampires suppose to be allergic to sunlight?" No we're not. We just cant tan.

"Hey, thanks guys for helping out," i called into the newly filled house. The movers who had helped bring everything inside were helping unpack and move everything after i had asked them too. They all came out from the rooms they were working on and greeted me "Are you all finished?" i asked, they nodded with a grin on each of their faces. I nodded and smiled "Thanks guys, but you should get going. I have school tomorrow," i told them. They nodded and got all there stuff and left. I sighed and flopped down on the couch in the living room, throwing my arms up and i fell. "This will be interesting," i whispered to the empty house. Easily, i could tell there were a few mice in the house, from the squeaking they were doing upstairs and in the kitchen. Slowly, ignoring the squeaks, i looked around my new living room. Behind the couch i was on was the front door that led to a very forestry street, then beside the door on both sides was two book cases filled with books from my childhood, if you even want to call it a childhood. There was a TV opposite the couch i was sitting on,a door beside it and then two arm chairs beside the couch. The door led to a very spacey kitchen and laundry room, along with a set of stairs to the upstairs.

I sighed and got up off the couch, there was absolutely nothing to do yet. Well i could go hunting i thought with a grimace. Even though i was a vampire, hunting down animals or humans, in some vampires cases, seemed wrong, so i around avoided it at all cost. Looking around yet again, i walked into the kitchen and followed my feet up the stairs. At the top of the stairs was a long hallway was five doors, i was guessing that one was the bathroom and one was a storage closet, while the rest were rooms. I went down the hall, opening all the doors as i went and looking inside each room. One room was quite small, but very pretty, the walls were all white along with all the furnishings like the bed, the wardrobe and the dresser and the carpet was a light blue colour. I nodded my head in approval and moved on to the next room which as right across the hall. It was a faded blue colour with oak wood furnishings, the bedding's wee all dark blue and stood out the most in the room. I frowned and moved on the next room, which was my room. I made sure that i had the darker coloured room and the middle sized one. As i looked in, all i could see was the colour of red and black, the walls were stripped black and red and the furniture is all red or black. I grinned and walked into my new room. "This is awesome. No humans to bug me, and vampires down the street," i happily told myself, sitting down lightly on the bed comforter.

Bleep! Bleep! Bleep! Ble- Crash!

I groaned as i sat up in my warm bed, staring at the pail of gears and pieces of plastic on the floor "That's what you get," i muttered, half awake. Slowly, i put one foot on the floor and then the other, lifting myself off the red sheets and onto the red carpeted floor. "Time to up, i guess," i muttered to myself, running a hand through my tangled brown-red hair, looking out the window. Outside, it was still dark, being as it was only four in the morning. Today is my first day of school here i thought, rubbing the sleep from my eyes Wonder what the student vamp's think of me. I slowly made my way out o room, wobbling slightly and walked into the bathroom to get ready.

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Marked_Girl Comment

marnie.grace wrote:All in all, the writing and the way it reads is really good. The only thing that caught my attention alot was the 'i' and a few words that you missed like, 'time to up' instead of 'time to get up'. Also with a couple of sentences were too long. Try to break them up with a full-stop here or there and your paragraphs can be a little to long. Theres what like 13 or so lines in each and that could be just a little too much, but that also really is up to you. I've always got told the smaller the paragraph the better, but it depands. Other then all of that, it was really, really good. keep it up :)


Thank so much! I've posted my stories on two different websites but no one ever gives my any help with what i need to do. So, thanks for the comments, it'll probably really help in the future. I'll trye REALLY hard to fix up the next chapter when i write it and i hope that you'll read that one as well.

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marnie.grace
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All in all, the writing and the way it reads is really good. The only thing that caught my attention alot was the 'i' and a few words that you missed like, 'time to up' instead of 'time to get up'. Also with a couple of sentences were too long. Try to break them up with a full-stop here or there and your paragraphs can be a little to long. Theres what like 13 or so lines in each and that could be just a little too much, but that also really is up to you. I've always got told the smaller the paragraph the better, but it depands. Other then all of that, it was really, really good. keep it up :)



Do just once what others say you can't do, and you will never pay attention to their limitations again.
— James R. Cook