z

Young Writers Society


18+ Language Violence Mature Content

Black Contamination_ chapter 1: our silent farewell

by Maricore


Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language, violence, and mature content.

Author's note: there is a jump without warning between memories at some point so I marked it, with a different font style.

Author's note #2: I was not intending to put this story online ANYWHERE because of how bashful and "hateful" *cough* *cough* it is to the majority of everyone on the internet, but I need someone to review and correct my mistakes soooo... Here goes nothing!

"There they are!! Move the camera there!" a reporter shouted to the camera man as she held her microphone "ladies and gentlemen, as we all see live right now, the fight between our great hero "Nickolai West" and the demonic villain of all "Chrysanth" the root of evil."

"Root of evil she says..." Thought Eesa as he glanced over the news on the T.V.He was sitting in a little diner along with a large number of people who were hiding from the damage that the fight between the hero and the villain can cause. People were sitting on the ground, on chairs and some on tables all looking at the television screen hanging from the ceiling of the diner, they watched in fear and hope that the terrorism of Chrysanth would end, the anxiety in their eyes was clear as the few sun rays that shined upon the two arrivals.

Eesa looked at the people around him in sorrow for their state then he turned back to the television, listening carefully to the reporter describing the scene.

"The two are facing on the top of a sky sweeper, now they are jumping from a building to another! The fight between them is very intense!" Eesa's heart raced as he listened more to her commenting on the scene, he could hear his heart beat loud and clear. The streets on the television were abandoned. it looked like a ghost city. the weather have changed from slightly cloudy to dark clouds covering the sky completely, almost like there is a storm about to hit the city. The very few rays of light faded away from diner, the ambiance felt dark and cold. Everyone were in their houses or in bars or diners and restaurants hiding from the battle between the two and a lot of them where following the news of the battle on televisions or radio or from their smart phones and tablets.

"STOP!" shouted Nickolai at Chrysanth gripping hard on his sword "STOP RUNNING!!"

Chrysanth would laugh loudly and jump from the top of a building to another, letting Nickolai chase him.

"What's wrong Nickolai?" he swiftly turned around aiming his poisonous sword at him "...Can't catch up?" their swords hit against each other making a loud creak, as they both gave strong blows at each other, fast and furious as they can be, they both would hit again and again. Until suddenly their swords clashed so hard together the energy stored inside of both swords threw both men away from each other. Nickolai hit the surface of the building's roof rolling few feet before he stopped , few scratches and cuts bleeding, bumps here and there all over him, the edge of his lips bleeding badly too. While Chrysanth regained his balance fast, his boots rubbed against the rooftop as he slided few feet away, a cut across his cheek was the only thing bleeding, his pink eyes gazed over Nickolai's body, as he walked to him his poisonous sword in his hand dripped the deadly purple liquid from its tip.

He approached Nickolai grabbing him violently from his purple and blue hair to his head level, his poisonous sword in his left hand ready to behead the hero, but he didn't... he just stood there, staring at his face.

"Lady?"

"Yes, little flower?"

"Will you always stay?"

".........I don't know if I can... one day I will have to leave..."

"Then...can you stay with me till then?"

"I'll do my best... "

Every person who was watching the battle froze at that moment waiting if he will make his fatal blow, but they all got confused seeing him do nothing for almost a minute long.

"He is just standing there..." said a man in the diner.

"Lady!! Where are you?! Where did u go?! No! No! Leave me alone! NOOO!! I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK!! NOOOOO!!"

"What is he doing?" asked another man, Eesa stared at the screen "is he going to...!" suddenly Nickolai kicked Chrysanth in the stomach hard enough to let him go, he then grabbed his sword ready to fight again, Chrysanth smirked and attacked him, both again fighting like it's their final day to live, at least one of them will get that, Chrysanth was able to stab Nickolai in his right arm, people were shocked and scared some screamed.

"My bad..." smiled Chrysanth, Nickolai grabbed his arm in pain pressing his teeth against each other, he held his sword with his left hand now.

They both charge at each other again, Chrysanth leaped into the sky, his sword soaked with poisonous liquid as it pumped the purple liquid inside blade, and he swung his sword shooting the poison at Nickolai. Nickolai's sword turned to a diamond shaped shield blocking the poison from touching his skin. He too leaped into the air as his sword almost cut Chrysanth's stomach open but he was able to avoid it.

The fight lasted for a full hour, all the buildings around them were badly damaged and some burning, they were inside a ring of fire. They were breathing heavily, both tiered.

"Yo Nick, take this!" 

"Huh? What is it?" he shouted to his partner Alex, short brown hair, and very light purple eyes, a helicopter was floating around them with Alex hanging from its door, he threw him a small blue computer chip, it was a weapon ship made for his sword.

"This little chip will end the battle between you and Chrysanth once and for all!" he said "make us proud little man!" he smiled.

Nickolai with all what is left from him power, inserted the chip in his sword and then the sword turned to a giant canon attached to his arm, it started making a loud sound with a red glowing sphere forming inside of it and shooting it in few seconds at Chrysanth who dodged it by a miracle, but the red sphere of energy turned back and got him, there was a huge red flash that blinded Nickolai so did with everyone, all they could see was the strong red glow nothing more until the glow calmed down, Nickolai was standing alone in the middle of the street, there was no sign of Chrysanth anywhere.

"What happened? What happened?!" the reporter was shouting into her earphone in her left ear for information, "for real?!" she said and she then moved her sight to the camera saying "we just received that the battle is over and Chrysanth is nowhere to be found! Chrysanth is dead, I repeat Chrysanth is dead! The terror in our city is finally over!"

And with that one sentence all the city jumped in happiness, tears were shed, a lot exchanged hugs congratulating each other.

Eesa lowered his head his gaze on the ground.

"Isn't this great news? He is finally gone!" Erika the woman who is a waitress in the diner told him.

"Our hero now is being treated with the cure from Chrysanth's poisonous sword..." she kept talking through the T.V in the diner, but Eesa gave no attention.

"Indeed Erika, it is really great to hear" he faked a smiled as good as possible.

Then the boss of the diner shouted with all the mighty in his lungs "FREE BEER FOR EVERYONE!!"

"Well, that's something you hear only once in a life time" she sneered.

Eesa was looking at his cup of artificial green tea, he looked at the screen for a few moments before turning his gaze at the others who seemed overjoyed by Chrysanth's death, his expression turned sad without him noticing.

"Hey, are you okay?" Said Erika, she stood beside him her hands placed on her hips.

"Huh? Oh yeah, I'm fine" he faked yet another smile at her.

"I think we spent enought time with each other for me to know when you're faking a smile" she said a bit upset from him.

"N-nothing it's just... School pressure..."

"Really? Are they busting your butts again?" Her tone was dull with some concern for Eesa, she moved few strands of her dyed green hair away from her face.

"Yeah, teachers are not very merciful"

"Sorry to hear that little cupcake, do you want me to get you something? Like cookies?"

Eesa giggled, smiling at her "cookies? Is this how you put yourself in a better mood?"

"Anything sweet puts me in a better mood" she winked.

"It's okay I'll be fine on my own" he smiled looking at his cup again.

"Hey Erika!" Shouted the boss "cut the chitchats and do you job!"

"No one is calling me Gary! stop being a dick!" She looked back at Eesa "Fuck this guy..." Eesa who had covered his ears the moment her boss spoke, removed his hands and looked back at her.

"Sorry you had to hear...why did you cover your ears?"

"I was afraid Gary would make a new trended swear word to be honest..." He laughed a bit at his remark.

"Hehehe, yeah he haves a huge bad mouth, but don't worry he won't ruin this happy occasion"

Then people started to shout "Hey! Where is the bear?!"

"I didn't get any!"

"I want bear!"

Then the entire diner started to shout the word bear, throwing their fists in the air or banging on the tables with their hands.

"Well there's my call, not gonna be done soon either, sorry Eesa"

"It's okay, I have to leave anyway, bye Erika" he said getting up, holding his backpack on one shoulder.

"Come on Erika! We can't serve all of those without pissing someone off!"

"Comming!" Erika left running and grabbing four big cups of bear and serving them to the men and women, if she didn't keep a good amount of distance they would have pulled her to them "here is the beer!"

Eesa watched her for few moments and he left the diner.

he can see people coming out the small cafés, restaurants and buildings, even hiding in the dark dirty allies. They were all cheerful talking with each other about the battle, he passed all the people in his way, heading back to his school.

It was seven in the morning and even with the battle being so early everyone was watching it, and he is sure that loads if not all the students and teachers will be talking about it in the school for weeks. He didn't like that thought, it was an irritating idea for him to have everyone smile and cheer for the death of the man who raised and protected him as a child, all the memories of him and his brother Ruben came back to him like a fload.

He would remember the days he spent with him in his big library where he would just sit on his legs and fall a sleep while Ruben pats his head gently reading whatever book he would read while sitting on his favorite brown cozy chair. The times they spent in his brother's training simulation room. His brother used to train on his sword fighting skills in there but he would let him enter too and insert a life simulation for a beach, forest, garden, anything that was bright and beautiful. They would play for hours and even look at the stars in the night simulation.

As he remembered some of the memories that will keep him company from now on.

He finally reached his school, the school had a huge metal fence around it that no one can climb it without getting caught, it's not like anyone was trying to do so, but that was the only purpose the students could think of, but the building was well made and it looked like a school, except the walls had all kinds of writings on them with spray paint from the outside. Most of schools had that, workers would paint it again, but as soon as they do so, it would be all painted again as if nothing changed.

He headed to the lockers room after standing for few seconds in front of the entrance.

"Yooooo Eesaaaa!" A voice called him from far, there were two girls waiting for him at his locker, a girl with long curly blonde hair and blue eyes with clothes that show skin more than covers, the other wore clothes closer to boys cloths and wore a black beanie on her head, the blond girl ran to him bringing the other girl with her.

"Yo Eesa! Great day right?" She smiled as she blinked few times, he can see the pink shade of the eye-shadow she put on.

"Hi Tiffany, nice make up like always" he smiled slightly

"Ehehehe thanks! you look nice too!" she grinned

"As always" smiled Kate as she chew on her strawberry flavoured gum.

"Did you see the battle?! Nickolai looked so cool when he blew Chrysanth like poof!!!"

"Yeah...I saw it on the TV in the diner"

"Oh, you hide in a diner?" Said the other girl, Kate was her name.

"Yes, it was the closest place to where I was at that time"

"Seriously everything is back to normal! Now that Chrysanth is dead, the city will party hard for weeks!!" Said Tiffany

"I hear they will make it a national day too"

Kate's words made Eesa's heart sink, he felt an unbearable pain in his heart and his hole chest for these news "whaaat?! for real? People will be celebrating this for real?!"

"Why not? The guy destroyed half of the city twice! This should be something we celebrate for every year!" Tiffany cheered as she threw her fist in the air.

"It's amazing what you can do with advanced military technology" said Kate

Eesa looked down in disappointment, then the school bell rang.

"Awww now? I wanted to talk mooooore!" Tiffany frowned crossing her arms "why didn't Chrysanth destroy this fuck of a school?!"

They all walked to their classes Tiffany waving goodbye with Kate and he they entered their classes and so did Eesa, as he walked in the class was a total mess. Everyone was talking and some were running around and some were actually making out in class, Eesa with a heavy heart entered it and walked fast to his seat the third desk out of five in the last row, the one beside the window.

"Come on teacher, where are you?" He thought to himself.

Then suddenly a blond woman walks in and everyone immediately sat down.

"Thank god..." He whispered to himself, after several classes ended like usual, it was break time and Eesa rose up from his seat and walked to the teacher's room. It was actually not allowed for students to go in because they would pull off stupid pranks and it can get to the point of ruining info chips of exams and essays and flipping the entire room's furniture upside down. That's why there is a digital lock which scans a teacher's ID so it can be opened and it locks itself automatically after it's closed, but Eesa was the one student whome the teachers allow him in with a smile on their faces.

Eesa walked to the room knocking on the door twice, then a teacher opened the door for him and closed it behind him, he walked to the desk of Mr. Anthony the history teacher, he liked Eesa asking him about his lessons or anything in general. After all, Eesa was his only favorite student among the rest of his irresponsible class.

"Excuse me Mr. Anthony... Can I ask a question about the last lesson?"

"Of course Eesa, what's your question this time?" He smiled at him as he placed his elbow on the desk and his hand on his cheek, he stopped correcting the homework waiting for him to ask his question.

"I want to know more about last week's lesson...the economic fall that caused the great war?

"Oh brother... why do you want to know about that?" He said annoyed

"Well...it sounded interesting when..."

"When what Eesa?" He interrupted him, his voice tone was angry.

"When it says that the Radiant colony was filled with world destruction and nuclear weapons, but didn't it say that the colony was weak in the lesson before that?".

"For fuck's sake, look I love you coming and breaking my boring daily routen, but some of your questions can be pretty stupid sometimes honestly".

"Oh...sorry"

"They hidden it from the great three colonies and that is why the world's strongest colonies who are us, interfered and destroyed the Radiant colony, along with the weapons in it. Seriously why do you bother yourself with small useless questions like this one?".

"J-just curiosity Mr. Anthony, it's just...no one talks about the war much, and I'm really interested in it".

"Well don't think about things too much, just relax and live life okay?" He said as he started to correct the homework info chips again "now if you excuse me I have tons of bullshit to correct..." He said sounding tiered.

"Alright, sorry to bother you Mr. Anthony, really..."

"No no it's fine, pass by to ask any question about anything but the war, please..." he said not moving his gaze from the tablet's screen.

Eesa walked to the desk of his chemistry teacher Miss Catherine, behind the gates of the school they are nothing but a student and his teacher, but outside of the gates they are very close friends, for they share the same secret.

"Hello Miss Catherine! How are you today?"


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151 Reviews


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Tue Jul 19, 2016 9:28 am
writerkitty wrote a review...



Hello there, MariCore! :D
I'm here to review this story! It's obvious, but I just thought to say that before I start my review... :P

Oh wow, it's kind of awesome that you started the very first chapter of the story with the fight scene between some kind of a hero named Nickolai and the villain, Chrysanth.

The whole fight scene was pretty interesting but as HolySocks said, why are they fighting, I mean I do know that this Chrysanth is a villain and all, but what's his true purpose? Does he want to obtain something from the city or take vengeance or is it something completely different? You can totally ignore this point if you like, I was just a little curious! :D

And Nickolai, I think you mentioned this whole fight scene not just to show that the city is constantly attacked by Villans, but to also show out the MC's dislike towards the whole hero winning incident.
While everyone else celebrated Nickloais victory, Eesa just sat there looking gloomy. This made me curious, why doesn't he feel happy like the others? Does he has some kind of a hatered towards this hero or does he have an affiliation towards the villain?

You are creating a lot or questions in the readers mind and you're making the story more and more interesting, this is always a good sign! :D

Also, I assume that Eesa's going to be the protagonist in this story, because the latter part of the chapter is mostly centered around him and his daily routine.


I really like this story because it's 'different' (in a good way, don't worry! ;) )
I mean usually the main characters would love the hero, and celebrate along with the other townsfolk, but this character's really different, He doesn't seem to like how this whole battle ended, and it's really hard to tell who's side he's on. Also, for now, he seems like a normal human being, but who knows what'll happen later on. ;) I'll just keep reading to find that out!

At first, I thought he'd be a strange character, an odd one among the rest. But he has friends and everyone's acting normal with him, so this indeed is an awesome unique story with unique characters! :D Good job!


I love how you ended this chapter. Who's Catherine? Why are they close friends, and what's their secret?! With those burning questions, I'm off to read the next chapter! :D


One small suggestion,

"Root of evil she says..." Thought Eesa as he glanced over the news on the T.V, he was sitting in a little diner, a large number of people were in the diner hiding from the damage that the fight between the hero and the villain can cause.

I think writing it like this would help the reader to grasp the sentences easily,

Spoiler! :
"Root of evil she says..." Thought Eesa as he glanced over the news on the T.V.He was sitting in a little diner along with a large number of peoplewho were hiding from the damage that the fight between the hero and the villain can cause.



That's all for now,
Never stop writing and have an awesome day!
writerkitty. :D




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Mon Jun 27, 2016 12:23 am
Holysocks wrote a review...



Hello! How about a review? C:

I feel like I've reviewed something else by you... possibly another chapter of yours? It's just that I remember the name "Nickolai" from today. How do you pronounce that, by the way? I've been wondering.

I think you've got some good stuff here! Sword fighting is pretty awesome, if I do say so myself. And you're pretty good about displaying what you see!- or rather, what you want us to see.

One thing though, is that... where's our narrator? Who's the MC? I feel like I was kind of plunked into this story with no guidance. No one explains what's happening- why are they fighting? What is up with the reporters? I kinda got lost at the beginning because I wasn't sure why the sword fight was taking place- and on the roofs, too. It seemed like a... event, like some kind of show... but I don't know.

Also, what is with the italicised dialogue- I just don't get what's happening there. It's not clear who's talking at all, from what I can see. And it's talking about a lady that doesn't appear to be there? Did I miss something? My advice to you: slow down. Take some time to explain what's happening, because we really do want to know. If we don't know what's happening... well than we have no idea what's happening and then just get super confused... and it's really not good when your readers are confused. But I think it's pretty easy to fix, just explain a little more, and let us seep it ALL up. C:

Keep it up! ^_^

-Socks



Random avatar
Maricore says...


The italic font is used in falsh backs by any of the character, and this was supposed to confuse you.
To be fair he got a flash back before he was about to kill Nickolai.
I think I did explain why are they fighting... The reporter did say (the root of evil)
Just a casual fight between the villain and the hero and the villain died. XD
The narrator is the writer. Aka me there is no plot twists I'm this one xD
Sorry if I confused you, but to be honest your the first one to ask these questions (except for the italic font one)
You do know it's the first chapter and .not going to throw all the information for the reader. It will be explained more in the next chapters :)
Chapter 2 is up anyway if you want to read it.



Holysocks says...


Oh no, I'm well aware that it's the first chapter! What I was trying to say was that you need to explain in the chapter why they're fighting. Otherwise we're just reading a fight scene forever and don't know why they're even doing that... :P


Random avatar
Maricore says...


Alright :) noted and will be remembered :D



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Tue Jun 14, 2016 6:54 am
Jyva says...



fix your grammar and spelling pls



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Maricore says...


Ehm....sir if I knew what they are, I would have fixed them...



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Sat Jun 04, 2016 3:02 am
Terry wrote a review...



This is my first review, so please bear with me!

So, first thing I noticed is some of the grammar errors. In many of the pieces of dialogue, you don't have commas. When you end dialogue, you need to put dialogue. For example, one that would need to be fixed in this: "Its amazing what you can do with advanced military technology," said Kate." In this, you would also need to fix the Its to an It's, since It's is the contraction of it is, which needs to work there. The exception to this is if you have exclamation marks or dialogue, or ....., which you use to end some of the sentences. Some of these seem unfitting and unrealistic, like it should finish with a period instead of it drawing on.

Now I'll get into the storyline. As soon as I started reading, I was instantly drawn in by the establishment of conflict and storyline. This pulls in the reader right from the beginning with Eesa watching a scene between two people, a hero and a villain, on television. Eesa is scared, watching and hiding in a diner. You've done a good job to hook the reader.

'The streets on the television were abandoned, it looked like a ghost city, the weather have changed from slightly cloudy to dark clouds covering the sky completely, almost like there is a storm about to hit the city. '

At this part here, this feels like three unconnected thoughts smashed into one run-on-sentence. You could split this into three sentences. "The streets on the television were abandoned. It looked like a ghost city. The weather had changed from slightly cloudy to dark clouds covering the sky completely, almost like a storm about to hit the city." Make sure that you don't have any run-on-sentences and that each part of a sentence feels connected.

Next, you start on the description of the fight between Crysanth and Nickolai. Here, you have another large sentence separated by commas. This is one instance where I feel like it works. You are describing their fast-paced fight, and this makes sense, though you might just want to organize it better so that it sounds and flows better. The fight scene is interesting and keeps you wanting to read more.

The part with italics feels kind of out of place, especially since I don't know who is talking or what it is about, and it is placed in the middle of a fight. You could keep it, though just explain at least somewhat more about it, or you will leave the reader confused.

Crysanth dies, thanks to Nickolai's friend Alex. His appearance is described, though we don't hear anything about Nickolai or Crysanth's appearance. Then we are introduced to Erika. I feel like you could give her an appearance description and introduce her better. How does Eesa know her, and why so well? They sound like two old friends.

't was seven in the morning and even with the battle being so early everyone was watching it, and he is sure that loads if not all the students and teachers will be talking about it in the school for weeks, he didn't like that thought, it was an irritating idea for him to have everyone smile and cheer for the death of the man who raised and protected him as a child, all the memories of him and Ruben came back to him like a fload, he would remember the days he spent with him in his big library where he would just sit on his legs and fall a sleep while Ruben pats his head gently reading whatever book he would read while sitting on his favorite brown cozy chair, and the times they spent in his brother's training simulation room, his brother used to train on his sword fighting skills in there but he would let him enter too and insert a life simulation for a beach, forest, garden, anything that was bright and beautiful and they would play for hours and even look at the stars in the night simulation.'

This all here is one sentence separated by commas. Change this all into paragraph. Also, when you first mention Ruben's name, say, "All the memories of him and his brother Ruben" so we know he is his brother.

Then you introduce Tiffany and Kate. I feel like you might be moving through this part too fast. If this is at a separate time from the diner scene, you should put something to identify it's at a different place and time and mention when and where. Maybe use * * *, which is what I use. It signifies that there is a break in the storyline and it goes to a new place and time, perhaps just slightly after the scene. This would help with the organization of the piece. I think I'll mention that you have really strong dialogue here that sounds realistic, and same with your conversation with Erika. I can really get a sense of the personalities of the characters. And it's funny when Tiffany wishes that Crysanth destroyed the school. Then, we get a sense of the history of this world in his conversation with Mr. Anthony. I think you could do a better job explaining the history here. Then, he meets Miss Catherine.

Overall, I love the storyline so far, and your character personalities and dialogue are interesting. Your fight scene was fast-paced and interesting. I think the main problem is your grammar issues and run on sentences. Many are just really long sentences separated by commas when they should be separated into individual sentences to make more sense. You need to organize it better and explain some things a little bit better for context for the reader, or else they won't understand it. Just fixing these things could easily improve it. Look through it and try to fix all the spelling errors, because there are a lot, and you can separate the long sentences with periods instead of commas.

I hope I wasn't too rude with this review and that it was helpful. This is my first time reviewing something. I enjoyed it, and I'm interested to find out what happens next. I'll definitely do a review of the next chapter, too.



Random avatar
Maricore says...


Thank you very much!
No don't worry! I like honest reviews, they help me avoid mistakes.
But sadly I don't know how to handle the commas and full stops and those marks, I was never taught how to use them, so I really have no idea.
And that sounds ignorant of me but...what is a period? U said to put it instead of a comma...
I sadly can't fix my grammer because I can't see the mistakes :( I can never tell what is right and wrong in my grammer :/



Terry says...


Actually, you were using periods in your writing. A period is this mark here: .
Periods, . , are used to mark the end of a sentence. You had them at the end of your long sentence-paragraphs, but these were all run-on-sentences with a lot of commas. You don't have to replace all the commas with periods, just make it make more sense and more easily readable and more organized. This mark here: .


Random avatar
Maricore says...


Oh alright! Thanks!




The most important service rendered by the press and the magazines is that of educating people to approach printed matter with distrust.
— Samuel Butler