His name was Abner, like the pig from Hey Arnold!.
It's a cliché to start a story like this, girl meets boy, that kind of thing. Yet, recently, it's become cliché to make a story unoriginal. I can't win. You may say that what we had was nothing because we were so young or because there were others after him, but I don't think so. It was short lived, but I will remember it forever. Abner will always be special.
It all started when I walked into my local Starbucks one day. My ugg boots were damp from treating through the snow covered streets. I was rubbing my arms for warmth when I saw him. He was ordering a macchiato. To be completely honest, I have no idea what that is, but he ordered it. As soon as I saw him, I got butterflies. He was outlined with a light glow, like an angel, and I heard the sweet sound of bells. But that I admit may have just been the Peace Core Santa outside ringing his bell. My life changed forever. I know that's another cliché but this was different. We were different. When he sat down I saw the name "Abner" scribbled across his cup. Abner, I thought to myself, he's perfect. I can't say what drew me to him. Maybe it was his the glimmer in his eyes or the curl of his hair or the way he said "macchiato". But as soon as I had ordered my pumpkin spiced latte, I sat in the chair across from him. I usually would never be this out going but I felt compelled.
"Hi." I draped my long gold hair over my shoulder and crossed my legs. I tried to make my most flirtatious face without looking scary. My heart was beating like roadrunner.
"Hey." He smiled back as he tucked a lock of his curls behind his ear. "I'm Abner."
"I see that." I indicated to his cup with my eyes and he laughed.
And at that laugh, I knew for sure he was the one.
The first boy I would ever kill.
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139,610 Literary Works • 672,624 Reviews
Laugh out loud that was hilarious i was not expecting that. I thought this would turn out to be a cliche kind of love story which for some reason i dislike cliche romance story...not to mention the fact i kinda hate romance in general o3o but anyways x3 the ending was funny and unexpected. You really grabbed my attention by the end of this story. I think the story was good :3. Keep up the good work.
Well then, thank you for ruining my perfect love story. Well, I only see one little mistake:
"Maybe it was his the glimmer of his eye", wait, does he only have one eye? Anyways, I'm pretty sure you meant for that to be "Maybe it was the glimmer of his eyes, or in his eyes". Other than that, the stories great. You surprised me with that last line but I love how you started it off, reminded me of the Fault in Our Stars(except completely different. I'd actually love to see how this plays out, please write more.
Wait... What? Look, this story was amazing. I really loved how, even though it was short, you captured my attention with good word structure and thought process. But whereas the ending completely flipped others around, it considerably confused me. There was a large lack of detail as to why this girl would kill this seemingly "perfect boy", and I guess you did that to add effect, but to me, after thinking about it, it kind of ruined the story. Every detail you've thrown in this far has been uprooted by that devastating statement, and that's fine, but at least continue the story enough to give us some new details like; why does she want to kill him? What makes him "perfect" without even having met him. What does the word "macchiato" have to do with how perfect Abner was to kill? Why would she have gotten butterflies when thinking about killing him? And who is "she", anyways? All in all, I think this has/had the potential to be a great story, but the lack of details killed it. (No pun intended.)
The lack of detail is so I can give you the impression she likes him but in reality, he's not a perfect guy to date, but she is just drawn to him to kill him. I say it with "I cannot tell you what drew me to him." I appreciate the review and I'm very sorry you didn't get the angle I was getting at.
It's fine. But even with the explanation I still have questions. Why does she want to kill him? If you were to re-write it, I'd keep everything you already have, for that lack of detail effect, but then go into detail later to tie any loose ends. Maybe with a second chapter?
I understand what you're saying and one day I might continue it but right now I like ending it on that note. I understand doesn't answer every question but that's why it's a cliffhanger.
True enough. I left a comment on another literary work of yours. I think you'll find it more... positive.
Wow. That's EPIC! I LOVE IT!
I was not expecting that... But that's the best part of books! This would be a great back of a book, or even a first chapter!
Oh Wow..... That... subtly sneaked up on me.
For a short piece, this one left quite an impression! I really expected this to be another "love-at-first-sight" thing, but you took it to the end and delivered a nice, hard "just kidding!". 
Very nice!
"It's a cliché to start a story like this, girl meets boy, that kind of thing. Yet, recently, it's become cliché to make a story unoriginal." I'm a little confused by these sentences. It seems as if you are saying the same thing two times in a row, but you add a "Yet" to the second time, as if it is different from the first. Perhaps you could explain this to me?
As you say, this boy is her first "kill". Yet, she seems perfectly comfortable in coming right up to him and acquainting herself with him. Wouldn't it be a normal reaction that she would be just a little bit nervous about what she was going to do? Perhaps that is the trick of your writing, though. You may have written it to be as innocent as possible. Or maybe she didn't actually know ahead of time that she would kill him. Or she did know, but perhaps she is a very straightforward girl, so she didn't mind and wasn't nervous at all.
Hmm... methinks that sounds a bit creepy when I write it...
Very nice job on this one. As I said before, you led up to the end very subtly. I really like how only used one short sentence at the very end to drop the bomb. Well done! I didn't notice any grammatical errors, so good job on that as well.
That's all for now, folks! Hope this helped! Keep up the great writing!
Cheers!
Thanks for the reveiw and thank you for the Unoriginal thing, I meant original.
You're certainly welcome to a review from me anytime! I enjoyed your work a lot, and I'm glad my review helped!
That is heartbreaking and amazingly brilliant at the same time. It's an adorable story at first, all "La-de-da lovey dove cuteness", and then suddenly the last sentence totally rocks your world. Awesome trick ending! *respect*
Thank you!