z

Young Writers Society


16+

Innocence lost, found again

by MannyPLator


Warning: This work has been rated 16+.

Gods and monsters,
Friends and tricksters,
Here is the medicine I needed,
Give it to me, I need to breath it

Me and God don't get along, so now I see
Future of my life, not so much a mistery,|
Before, lost in the misery
But afterwards, still a cemetery

Exploring heaven and hell,
Forever shouting "damn"
Is my place truly there?
Is my place, truly, anywhere?

Innocence lost, never had it from the start
Is it a villain, or a hero arc?
A lot of things still left unsaid,
My hand, still on your waist

And my brain, such a waste
Condemned by it's own haste
All I wanted, was one more taste
When I remember...my hands turning into paste

All I need to do is copy,
Maybe the future will bring a new memory
This time doing it the right way,
Still remember the golden sands bay?

Smell of the sea, crawling up my nostrils,
And what came after, the hostiles,
Storming of the Bastille,
Ever touch that again, I will?

Lots of questions still left unanswered,
And my brain, sober, but still battered,
All of it, did it truly matter?
Turning me into God himself, antimatter

Trying to find my own self in a lab,
On my soul, a huge scab
Scabbing of the nothing,
Dreaming replaced by colossal haunting

No one's gonna take my soul away,
Even if it's bound and sold in multiple ways
Forever, hidden, stored
Even without it, the most bold

God's dead, baby that's alright with me
Still praying on my knees,
For my love is towering above all
Her shape sculpted from the perfect mold

I don't really want to know what's good for me
All I need is her to see me as he
The one that shadows all
The one to pay the toll for

Life imitates art,
And I belong only in her heart
Life is not that hard
So close, one left yard

Let me end it here,
In love with the weird,
Brain tree,
Come here, baby 


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User avatar
8 Reviews


Points: 78
Reviews: 8

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Fri Apr 26, 2024 3:44 pm
AkiraEliza wrote a review...



Okay, I'll be reviewing as I read along

I don't particularly get along with god either. actually, I hate religion. it makes my skin crawl. not only that, but I kind of hate him because of the things I've seen and felt. why serve in heaven when you can reign in hell, to put it in a cliche way.
I too, live with a monster made of memories. when she left me, I was literally an alcoholic without the alcohol. I can not tell you how many times my mom has screamed YOU NEED HELP since my girlfriend left me. she stole my sanity and it has changed me since. But I found someone new, and I hope you can find someone else too.
I hope things go right for you. have a good day!




User avatar
82 Reviews


Points: 923
Reviews: 82

Donate
Thu Jan 04, 2024 5:33 pm
Ley wrote a review...



Hello! :D Ley here to review this piece for you!

First impressions...

This was a very intriguing poem! Instead of regular poetry, this came off as spoken word to me. The use of rhymes within the poem adds emphasis, which I loved! The formatting also caught my attention straight away. It's aesthetically pleasing, which I always appreciate! :D

When I was reading this I felt...

Romantic, desperate, lonely. This gives off major, "I want you back", or "I'm not going to mess up again" vibes. I love a good love poem, and this was spot on! The language you used within the poem was also very descriptive and artistic; which created a ethereal theme to this piece.

My favorite line/quote is...



And my brain, such a waste
Condemned by it's own haste
All I wanted, was one more taste
When I remember...my hands turning into paste


To me, this stanza flowed beautifully. It was also the first time I noticed the rhyming in this piece, so that was a great surprise! I always have trouble finding words that fit but also rhyme with the previous line-- so kudos to you for that. :) I also enjoyed the dramatic theme in this stanza!

Some things I would change would be...

I only have one major correction, other than that though, this piece was perfect!

Future of my life, not so much a mistery,|


I think you meant to put 'mystery' here. I'm also not sure why you used '|' here, as it wasn't needed. It messed up the flow a little bit when I was reading. This is an easy fix though.

Overall...

I really enjoyed this! I hope I can read more of your work in the future. Happy writing!

With Love,
Leya



Random avatar
MannyPLator says...


The devil whispering in my ear, is it her, or who is truly here?
A shadow of the past, once lost
Is it love? Is it hurt?
Maybe both, maybe the aformentioned devil uses me to cook a special broth

And I find myself at the crossroads, holding a contract in my hand
Multiples me, form the past, present, future, will it blend?
I signed it, while I bled
Still don't know if it's an angel, or a demon, that I fed

The answer is written with the same bloody pencil,
Give me the ustensil,
Keep it away from my nostril,
Take me to the long forgotten claustral

A clusters full of stars,
Mercury, and Mars,
I may be writing all this heavy bars
But what was left of my soul, lost in all those bars

And the past is in the wind,
Washed away and skinned
A new form taking over,
The four leafed clover

I would love to see it consumated right now,
Undressed , and I bow
In a metaphorical way,
Chasing the feeling of Golden Sands Bay

Fortunes favours the bold,
And her, from Brancusi's mold
All those voices that spoke to me and told,
I control, but with this soul sold...

Foretold, in the stars of never-ending
All elements, she is bending,
And how I would love to see it come to fruition
Without any condition

Nine stanzas, is the magic number
Won't ever again, stumble
Losing everything make you truly humble,
I am ready, for a new and improved, tumble




A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.
— Unknown