The stall is 2 km away from my house. Some adrenaline rushes into my body when I merely think about having a cup of tea there. Still remember the first day, the first cup, the first change!
The air was cool. Fan was at it's highest speed. Sun shining at peak outside. First sip was cool, of-course it’s hot but in a way it was cool. Then the second, the third, the fourth. Now the poison started to show it's intensity. Eyes went blur. Couple of guys sitting besides. I could see them but couldn’t hear. I could hear the traffic outside but couldn’t see it. I could hear the different kind of horns, and associate them with people. They all were running. Running for their destination, some running home, some running to their office or somewhere else. Everyone was running. In a hurry, losing time but the speed of time is same for everyone. But I realized that this noise of traffic don’t bother me anymore. Someone must be crying somewhere, some is laughing their heart out at the same time, life goes on! The aura was suddenly getting diminished. I quickly took another couple of sips. And again I was not alone anymore.
The clear blue sky with little white clouds, chirping of birds rushing for their food, swaying of trees, all were under my sight. I felt so close to nature while sitting inside that tea stall. It was just beautiful. I don’t want to go back to my world. The world where lies are told as a universal truth, where running away from your responsibilities is dominated by some amusing excuses, where money is considered everything for majority of the people. The list is too long.
Suddenly the retina of my eyes went crystal clear. Now I could listen to what people on the table besides me, talking. I could see a big traffic jam outside. And it was then I knew I needed another couple of sips.
Such an amazing feeling one could only dream of. I considered myself lucky to have experienced it. Avalanche of thoughts running into my mind have generated a smile while I was looking outside. A smile of assurance that I’ve found a place where you come and go straight to heaven for a while or may be much more than that. Where only love resides, smile besides and you get happiness of every size. I realized the intensity of the poison got doubled as the tea is about to end.
Finally took the last sip. It was a little warm as compared to hot sips before. But the taste was same. Simply perfect! I stood up with a little smile. Really wanted to see the man who’ve made all this possible, who’ve made this change in me today. He looked fat. 50-55 yrs of age. Watching television which he has fixed in a small box fixed to the wall in front of him. Some daily soap may be. While smiling he looked at me. I didn’t ask the cost of that tea which I drank, for much obvious reason, but he demanded. While giving the said amount I looked up for a shop name or something but there were only two rates mentioned. And then I realized that it was not just another cup of tea but they call it as a ‘Special Ghota’. Indeed, it was special! He smiled. I reverted. As if we both knew that i was leaving with such a peace in me but it'll not last. The happiness will not last, sorrow never did. But we know that a life has been lived in that moment of happiness. And I turned back with a promise that I’ll come back here again & went away. Now I’m a part of that traffic, but with a change!
Happiness do comes in small packages. Enjoy the moment which deserves to be enjoyed!
Loneliness is good. Infact, its fuckin' awesome, provided you should not let it overcome you! :)
P.S. The tea stall is located at New colony, Gurgaon, Haryana, India. :)
Finally took the last sip. It was a little warm as compared to hot sips before. But the taste was same. Simply perfect! I stood up with a little smile. Really wanted to see the man who’ve made all this possible, who’ve made this change in me today. He looked fat. 50-55 yrs of age. Watching television which he has fixed in a small box fixed to the wall in front of him. Some daily soap may be. While smiling he looked at me. I didn’t ask the cost of that tea which I drank, for much obvious reason, but he demanded. While giving the said amount I looked up for a shop name or something but there were only two rates mentioned. And then I realized that it was not just another cup of tea but they call it as a ‘Special Ghota’. Indeed, it was special! He smiled. I reverted. As if we both knew that i was leaving with such a peace in me but it'll not last. The happiness will not last, sorrow never did. But we know that a life has been lived in that moment of happiness. And I turned back with a promise that I’ll come back here again & went away. Now I’m a part of that traffic, but with a change!
Hey, I am here to review your story.
So first off :
Even though I like your idea of portraying as having a cup of tea blissful, I didn't like how the story began. I don't get the story, there's no plot and it was quite confusing in the beginning.
Next, you might want to change this a bit.
"But I realized that this noise of traffic don’t bother me anymore."
I think it should be, "But I realized that this noise of traffic doesn't bother me anymore."
Or, But I realized that this noise of traffic was'nt bothering me anymore.
There are other grammar errors as well. Work on that. Good luck.
Hi, Manish!
I'm here to review story.
I don't think your story has a plot as such, it's more of a person reminiscing a moment. I like your idea and how you showed that even a cup of tea can bring pure bliss.
In the beginning, I was confused. I did not know whether what you were saying was happening in the past or the present and whether it he was visiting the shop for the first time or not. Okay, after a while it got obvious he was visiting the shop for the first time but you didn't make it that clear in the beginning.
All of that happened because of your tenses. Sticking to one tense for the narration of your story is important. I don't mean sticking to one tense entirely but keeping that the main tense. I'll give you an example.
I'm writing a story and I'm keeping the simple present tense as my main tense. Now keeping that in mind, I will use the simple past tense when my narrator is recounting an incident that happened in the past and go back to the present tense when I'm done recounting the incident.
Now, I think you have tried to that but I can't exactly tell because your introduction is so short. Why not tell us where he is, what he's doing and mainly what made him think of this stall that is 2 km away? Try to make your first paragraph more... inviting. Make me want to read this story more.
In between, your tense fluctuates. You're using the past tense and then for this one sentence you use the present.
See here you've deviated to the present tense. You've done that several times in between and it gets confusing.
1) Make sure your tenses are right~
I've also noticed that at times you leave phrases as sentences for effect. There's nothing wrong in that but doing it to many times just make it seem like you don't complete your sentences. You can do that but don't do it too often.
" I realized the intensity of the poison got doubled as the tea is about to end. "
Do you actually mean poison? You've used it quite often and I'm not sure if you mean poison like the stuff that can kill you because then won't the narrator be dead? I mean considering your story is about happiness, I'm sure you don't want the narrator to be dead. So in that case, poison is not the word you wanted to use. Or meant to use.
I liked your idea and your way of presenting it but it does have some grammatical errors which you should correct.
Hope I helped!
Angel