Published October 21, 2010
I saw a Strawberry Moon Once
in a smokey summer sky.
A Japanese flag
Cast over Alaska's vast burning wilderness.
Wind chased fire away.
Smoke left.
Then on a Crisp, Clear winter night,
Alaska's Flag appeared again.
Framed bytheNorthern Lights
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141,345 Literary Works • 674,369 Reviews
I cant fix the colors back to the way the were now...it is being weird....sorry for future readers. I will promise to fix it with all my might....ish.
i like the colors! a very intriguing title and great writing!
Thank you Warrior Princess.
I really dont know why I capitalized the Crips and Clear....I just felt like it was a "capital' moment?
Aw, pretty! It kinda reminded me of Owl City. Some people might grouse about the colors but I like them. Rather enhances the effect, in my opinion. One thing I don't really understand is why the words "Crisp and Clear" are capitalized. (Of course, you're probably very aware of that since this is a freestyle poem.) Keep up the good work!
Thank you so much.
ooo pretty colors(: haha. and i like the discriptions very niccce. i like it alott. and the title is what pulled me in. It is very unique
Thank you guys. This has helped me some.
I meant this to be Free style and not have an exact rhythm. I wrote this poem a long time ago. This is basically a secret history lesson on WWII when the Japanese tried to get to Alaska by island hopping. I also got the idea from when we had a really smokey summer. It literally turned the moon red.
This was really good and it sounded mysterous
First, like blue said sometimes colors are hard to read and you might want to make some of the lighter ones darker because right now I had to concentrate to see them.
Again like blue said, I am not really sure what this is about. I assume that I don't because I am not the audience you meant it for. Or is it a personal poem? So, because I am not sure what this is about, disregard me if I am wrong when I say that the first part of this poem doesn’t really feel related to the second part. It just seems disconnected somehow. I am wondering how this all works together.
I think you could really expand on this and make it longer. Maybe you could make it longer just to explain so a bigger audience gets what you are talking about.
Content wise this is great. The rhythm flows smoothly and you create great imagery. It is short and sweet with no abrupt lines or pauses. Though, at the end of the poem, I felt as if something was missing. I wanted to know more.
Hope I helped,
A. S.
I don't really get it, but it sounded nice. But first of all, you might want to consider making the light
a darker shade of gray - it's a good line, but it blends right into the background and is therefore difficult to read....Also, the first two lines...I've already forgotten the first one, sorry, I am just SO TIRED right now...but anyways, the first one and "in a smoky summer sky" - they have a definite rhythm, I'm not sure if it's iambic pentameter or anything specific, but they have a definite rhythm. This sets the poem up to be a rhyme-and-rhythm type poem - as the reader, that's what I was expecting, until I got to the third line. There's nothing technically wrong with that, it's just that the first two lines don't fit very well with the rest due to the rhythm and then lack of rhythm. If you can somehow change the first two lines - add or subtract some words - to make them flow with the rest and still sound good and say the same thing they say now, great; if not, it's not a big deal (in my opinion).
Hope this helps!
~Blue
P.S. I love the title!