[Continuation. I know you're all going to ask for more about the character, but I'm still trying to get a feel for them and to understand them before I describe them. Thank you for any reviews you can give me.]
The people led simple lives; farming and agriculture were the main source of living, yet there was call for skilled craftsmanship as well. Creating furniture, crates and tribal souvenirs to be exported to the capital, Bogotá, as well as metalworking and harvesting coal and emeralds were the main life support to all those within the village.
The people were not poor, yet they did not own mansions. Simplicity was the key in this place, not only with living standards, but with life itself. The men worked hard for ten plain hours a day and returned home to plain women making plain food – almost every ingredient had to be grown, hunted or picked within the village. External contact was rare for the people. The occasional tourist would disturb the solitude two or three times every year, but it was always short-lived visits that amounted to nothing in the extended life of the community. They were alone, and they were content with this information.
The ragged stranger had struggled onto one of the many thrashing branches of the nearest tree, and was carefully scanning the sight ahead; it’s viciously interceptive eyes missing nothing despite the howling droplets of rain clouding the air. Nothing seemed out of place tonight. The thatched roofs were intact, the earth still, the air disturbed only by the tempestuous lambaste of lightning and thunder. Peace, in the mezzo of chaos.
For now.
All traces of last night’s squall gone, the village returned to the general hubbub that accompanied it throughout the days. The thin, almost famished children ran about, screaming at their parents and crying when they tripped and cut their knees or hands on the harsh ground. The boys waved sticks at each other, cheering names of gods or great warriors of the past, while the girls danced with their woven zarape’s clinging to their thin arms from the intense heat. A dense layer of warmth had settled down upon the village and despite being so near to the mountains, the Sun was scorching the already caked clay earth.
There was a murmur brushing through the air. According to the village elders and the scarce few that had dealings with people and places outside of the community, a caravan of tourists was going to stop in the area for a couple of days. Though there had been no official confirmation, the ghost of the rumour haunted everyone in the village, their hardy, and yet inexperienced minds were submerged in fantasies of both glamorous celebrities from distant lands and cruel monsters with mutated features.
The children were the most excited. After living for several years in an isolated region of the world, many of them began questioning the purpose of this solitude, and whether they had a place in it. Though parents often quelled these curiosities swiftly, there were those who dreamed of grand palaces or molded steel and glass, abundances of food, swarms of people and lives that presided at the top of the food chain, instead of this unavoidable bottom.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Again, your descriptions are impeccable! This time you do hint that there are intruging stuff to come but it is still little that hasa happened, you just express long, vivid images of what's happening in the surrounding - but what's the mainstory here??
Good Luck & Keep Writing
// Demoness
Hello again, Mama Lama!
This definitely felt like a large history lesson. This can be good and bad, of course! It's definitely wonderful if it plays a role in the plot of the story, and it sounds like the middle/lower class children seem to be significant! I guess I'll find out in the next part.
Anyhoodles, so the description got in the way for a while again. The transition into the second half makes me wonder what the first half's purpose is with all the rain and stuff. It didn't seem to change any factor in the story or make any sort of difference, so why the weather weirdness? Something to think about!
The plot started to get interesting when the tourist caravan was mentioned. That sounds like something that's abnormal and plays significance in the story, so yay! Unfortunately, it took a very long, sluggish time to get to this point. Make the first half of the story a little more interesting so as to buildup to this point with the caravan.
It's not quite a show-vs-tell situation. You're showing very well, actually! I wonder if we don't have enough tellish show. That is, there's not a lot of explanation as to what's going on. No foreshadowing, no clues, no motivation, etc. It's just telling how it is, showing us the weather, telling us how people live, and the occasional reminder that there's a figure out there no one knows. Get the reader involved more maybe? If that makes sense.
Otherwise, characters make the story! It's their story you're telling after all, so while you know who someone is, you're right in that you also need to know what others think of them and how society reacts with their presence. So you'll no doubt be editing your story since it's not entirely clear who your character is, but that's okay! It's what editing is for. Anyway, off to the next part!
Keep writing!
Jabber, the One and Only!
Don't worry about the character - I know who they are, I know what they're about, and I know how they live in the world around them, trust me. I just don't have a name to put to the person, and I haven't developed the other characters well enough yet to describe how they perceive the MC. I've got it figured out for the most part. Thank you for your advice though, I found it really helpful.
Wow, to me this seemed like a part in a story that was set just to explain a world. Hmm, as a reader I wouldn't reccomend it for a singular chapter but since I saw the part 2 I don't mind as much. Other then that I thought this was very interesting. I like the way you explained how the area works and how the people inside function. It was a really interesting read actually, like I was some kind of scholar studying an ancient race. Gave me a brainy feeling!
Speaking from experience, that's not a good idea. You should have a basic knowledge of your characters before you start; in fact for your MC the knowledge should be beyond average. The thing you have to understand is that if you don't have an idea about your characters then how can we as the reader begin to understand them. Also, when you don't have a great knowledge on your character they can run away from you. I wrote a 90,000 word novel once, and I did the same thing you did: start writing with only a small idea on the plot and no idea about the characters. I thought winging it would be the best way for the story to evolve.
I was wrong. It's even harder then I thought. My story in the end was thrown into the little bin icon on my desktop screen because it was unworkable. No matter how much edits and advice I recieved there was never enough to make that story. Characters are the story. I think that it has to be the most important concept in a novel because even with a crummy plot you can have something that makes people smile or sad. In my opinion, characters are what make or break a story.
Please, listen to what I am saying. Ever since that, thirteen long months wasted may I add, I've planned my characters right down to the skeleton. At first I thought it had been my plot though when I looked past that I knew it was my characters. They all sounded the same, they lacked depth and they weren't interesting in the least. Even I closed the document because of how boring it was. Now I am not saying write large profiles on every single character right to the minor ones dancing in the background; what I am saying is that the MC and the characters that come after him/her should be thought through and planned. What are their personalities? What are their quirks, fears, habits, likes and dislikes, strengths and weaknesses. Even if it is a few words there should still be something. Three months now I've been working on planning my characters (I've been typing and organising twists and turns in the plot to, don't get me wrong)though most of that time has been making my characters come to life.
One way to plan them, or what I feel helpful, is to bring them into your life. Place them in your shoes in the little things you do such as walking down a street or catching a bus. This may feel stupid or futile but it really helps you get an idea of their character and how the react to the normal life. Just make sure you don't start talking aloud because people tend to look at you crazily.
Good luck, it's not easy. There are some great threads on this site that help in expanding on characters and I suggest you read them. I am sorry if this seems like I am just dwelling on one point and not taking into account the rest of the story but this is a serious thing, if you ignore it now then it could have consequences in the long run. Some people may say that you can easily just start writing and see from there but to me that's not good enough. I am just saying from experience, what happens after this review is all up to you as the writer. Good luck, again!