Free Write 01-17-2017 2:13pm
My favorite childhood memories would have to be when I lived in Clinton, Iowa on seventh avenue south. I was the youngest child and my older sister really didn’t want anything to do with me because I was so annoying. I was often alone because my mother was always working and my father was both an alcoholic and a crack addict. Since the household income was often used on his demons I wasn’t very privileged. However, money never stopped me from finding entertainment. One night at around eleven I snuck out of the house and went for a long walk to the river. While at the river I sat with my feet in the water and imagined a different world. It was a world full of adventure and I was the hero.
Free Write 01-18-2017 1:40pm
If I was to wake up today and discover that I’m invisible; I would have an extremely expected response. I would start my day like any other; wake up exhausted and dreading the day to come until I find my way to the bathroom in order to wash up. However, I suppose my day would change as soon as I look into the mirror and find nothing. I must not lie; my initial reaction would look like a scene from Tom and Jerry or a chicken with his head cut off. After calming down; I would probably begin to question what had happened to me that could possibly cause my worst nightmare to become a reality; no one knows I exist. Of Course I would be unable to find a reasonable conclusion short of my phone being radioactive. So I would do what any person with pure intentions may do. I would find myself a sidekick; most likely one with awful powers in order to make myself look better. Then we would go around saving people from petty crimes.
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140,925 Literary Works • 673,749 Reviews
Hello,
Keep writing
I am very happy that you have chosen to post your free writes. I also like the fact that you do free writes. They are a great way to work on your writing skills and endurance. If everything you were to write was a poem or a story (kind of forced in a way) writing wouldn't be enjoyable.
I am sorry that you had to grow up the way you did but, it seems as if you were a happy child. If I were you though, I would try to make your sentences all different and exciting. Like instead of saying "Then we would go around saving people from petty crimes." I would say "We then would travel around the world of my backyard saving citizens from petty crimes" Just don't be too wordy. (Don't worry, we all struggle with this. You just have to find the perfect medium.)
Anyways have a wonderful day
Thank you for the feedback and trust me that I could of done a lot better in these two free writes, but I am only allowed around five minutes. During those five minutes I am expected to write as much as possible.
oh...fun,fun
It actually is really fun; free writing is extremely relaxing and it can tell a lot about the other.
Hi!!
I think it's great that you're free writing and even better that you're posting it and open to critique! I sorry to say that I may steal this idea.
This also goes with the 'show not tell' idea. Describe the scene instead of saying what's happening.
I hope you're having a wonderful day
Anyways, this work is very informal so I think it's unfair to give a formal critique but I do have a couple points that could be interesting. First of all, I would look into syntax. Your sentences all have very similar structures - all starting with I and followed by the action you perform. A widely varied syntax means that your writing will flow better and have a more professional feel. Try parralell structure (http://www.evergreen.edu/sites/default/ ... rallel.pdf) or starting your sentences differently. Instead of saying "I was the youngest child and my older sister really didn’t want anything to do with me because I was so annoying." try, "Everyday was a battle for my sister's attention, even though she made it perfectly clear she found me as annoying as a bad zit" or something like that
Overall great job! Definetly look at developing these ideas into short stories or poems!
Best wishes,
Maya
I greatly appreciate the feedback. My Advanced Writing teacher actually gives us five minutes to do a free write based around a certain topic or question that she chooses every day. I will have to implement your advice into my more formal or professional work. I do suggest that you try this exercise yourself; free writing has proven to be an extremely beneficial outlet.
I seriously thinking of doing this, I really need and want to improve my writing
It's really relaxing to be honest. However, don't worry too much about writing perfectly or even well while doing free writes. Their main purpose is to relieve stress and after time the simple practice of writing so often actually shows improvement in your writing.