Those Days

there are a lot of people who have written about the torture of mother earth, and there are a lot of people who should be, as we have real problems we need to face concerning the way we treat her, i agree, but the problem HERE is that the words you've used are all words that have been used by others before.

really really need you to reach into yourself and think about what it is YOU love about mother earth. everyone can write a poem where mother earth is upset that she's being killed. not everyone can write -- in fact NO ONE ELSE can write -- a poem about why you love her and what you want to do to protect her; the things you feel, the things you smell, you see, you taste from her are all unique to you and only you and so you are the only one capable of writing such a poem, which means you are called to do it.

find the proper images, the ones you cherish most, and make them a poem, not empty words.

let me know if you have questions.
good luck. push further.

Theme

I wondered for the first couple of stanzas where you were going with this, whether it would be an elderly woman who was no longer attractive or loved and I got to liking that idea. But then before you reached the climax I had a terrible inkling that it would be mother Earth and was disappointed to find that it was. The trouble with this theme is we've seen it done before and we've seen it done by the best. Seamus Heaney is particularly splendid at getting the perfect balance between telling a story in all those lovely layers and giving us the sense that what we've done/ are doing is wrong.

It's not an easy theme to cover and one that I try to urge new authors away from, myself included. Of course we can only get better by tackling these big themes, but practising on smaller ones is a good place to start. I'd have liked to see a poem about an elderly woman who's pining for her younger days because that would be more fresh and far easier to connect with.

Structure

The repetition of I remember is working quite well, but I feel you're not getting enough into each stanza. They're all quite simply stated and the picture they build is a bit vague because you're using sweeping description instead of honing in on specifics. I think the easiest way to explain this is that where you say 'wealth' I want to see five million, six hundred thousand and fifty two pounds. I want to know the details and to feel intimate with this person or being's life. When you say beauty, I want to hear flaxen curls or raindrop eyes. And if you do want to stick with the mother earth theme, describe her as you would a person. Maybe that will keep the theme hidden for longer, but use only natural descriptions. Don't use anything man made or industrial. Aim for things like corn or rain or stalks.

Overall

This needs work but you've got a good control over the flow and you know exactly where to put your line breaks. You've also got a steady, easy-going tone throughout and it doesn't make me want to roll my eyes which is the feeling I often get toward poems that look to tell me how bad a person I am. What you need though is a deeper look and to actually make us feel something for this abandoned Earth. Start by fleshing out the details. Who are they? The rebels, the criminals, the bakers, the writers. I want to get a sense that this they is everyone but maybe start by showing us the worse people of society; lure us in. Then by the time we find ourselves confronted with our own reflection, we'll be too deep to deny the accusation. Of course the real trick is making it not sound like an accusation at all ^^

That's all for now. If you have any questions, please do ask as I'm always willing to answer them or try to go into more detail on any parts you're particularly concerned with. Thanks for the read!

Heather xx

I understand the message you were conveying with this poem, but I feel like some of the lines were a little awkward and forced. The last stanza was definitely the best and more natural compared to the others.

"I was wanted and loved.
I was tended and preserved." <---This phrase was kind of awkward.. maybe play around with different words for "preserved" and/or "tended". When I think of preserved I usually think of food or something..not necessarily people.

When you used "Before" repeatedly, I was expecting some sort of "after" or more of an explanation. I feel like that stanza just kind of stopped abruptly.

"Now they kill their brothers..." Who are you talking about? Seems kind of random when you were just talking about the health of this person and now they feel.

Overall I think you're on a good track, just a little re-arranging or changes in word choice and I think this can be pretty good