Travel With My Heart

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Okayy...this is a nice little opening scene right here. You've got yourself a very wholesome scene there with so much promise for more and a very rich sense of backstory hanging around it. Its a wonderful little start here.

Anyway let's get right to it,

This is home. This is where my childhood memories were made, when every second past as my adolesence went by and I was secretly wishing my teenage years would hurry up. Now, however, I cherish the memories of my childhood and forever wish I could have a time machine or a genie to grant me three wishes. Anything, I would do absolutely anything to have my childhood be my current reality. I often remember when I was a little girl, my dad would take me on the swings he’d drag the chains backwards and whisper “Ready?” I’d smile to myself and say yes and he’d scream “Go!” as I erupted into fits of laughter and screaming my head off, like that was the biggest adventure I’d had in my whole life, and that’s the last time I would ever feel frightened was a simple swing set.

The sun is beating down on a beautiful April day, I drive down one of the main roads downtown and see kids riding their bikes or running for the ice cream van. I pull up outside a shop that has been in our family for almost fifty years. My mother’s book shop. A lot of the locals knew my mother for her kind and humourous nature. I knew her as the woman that raised me, believing in whatever I said I wanted to do when I was younger and that changed every week, pretty much. If I wanted to be a ballerina one week, she’d buy me ballet shoes. If I wanted to be an astronaut the next, she’d take me to the library to read up on space and all the planets and what the conditions were like in space. I love my mother, she’s always be the one to push me on, through all my struggles. When I had a lot of drama going on a couple of years ago, she was by my side, or if it happened that she couldn’t be, she’d be offering her words of wisdom through a telephone line, even if it rang from one corner of England to the next. It didn’t matter to her, she loved me unconditionally and that was recipricated. So, now, when Mum needs me, I’m here. Like a shot. No messing around. I’d drive from London to Farrowbrook several times a day if she needed me to.

I turn off the engine which then cuts off the woman delivering the news on the radio, too.

I grab my wheelchair from the boot, and slide myself in. I check the wheels are on properly, because I didn’t want to topple over. That, I tell you, has happened countless times due to my lack of common sense.

“Oh, Meg sweetheart, I’m so glad you’re here!” She says squeezing me into a hug like she hasn’t seen me in years. To be fair, a month or two is like one million years for Mum.

“Hi Mum.” I smile, hugging her equally as tight. “How’ve you been?”

“Oh, me? Yeah, I’m fine, tough as old boots.” She says, smiling at me, and for the first time in a long time, I actually genuinely believe that she is okay. “How about you, honey?”

Oh, now that’s a different story all together. I sigh and Mum gives me that look she gave me as a teenager when I had trouble with boys or...well, mainly it was guy problems.

“I’m...I’m fine. Honestly, please don’t worry yourself, I’m just trying to find my way back to how I used to be.”

“Oh, honey.” Mum sighs, her voice full of sympathy. She makes her way to the back of the shop, where the kitchen and seating area is for the staff and I follow her. She doesn’t even have to say anything, the kettle is put on, grabs an empty mug, pops a teabag in, and adds just a splash of milk. Just the way I like it. She sits opposite, taking both of my hands in hers.

“That’s why you’re here, isn’t it?”

I look down, looking for something to say that won’t upset her, but I can’t speak, I just stare at her for a while. I hold her, nestling my head into the nape of her neck, her fingers making circles on my skin. I let out a sob. All of my feelings I have bottled up finally erupt into a sea of tears.

She hugs me tightly. After a while, I mop up my tears and hold a scalding hot cup of tea in my hands and gently sip.

“I’ll lock up and then we’ll get you home.” She smiles at me, with all the warmth and love in her heart.

“Okay.” I whisper.

As she exits the room, I look into my cup, hoping that being here will make me feel happier, more safe, more worthy of being happy for once. Maybe I’ll find my way back from starting at square one. Maybe I just need the people I love to guide me through all of this, because, heck, I know I can’t do this on my own.

Hi Maisie Summer here, your first official reviewer might I say you have a very good story line, and I look forward to seeing more now on to the actual review!

"This is where my childhood memories were made, when every second past as my adolesence went by and I was secretly wishing my teenage years would hurry up."

First, I see where you're going with this sentence, but I would recommend changing it a bit, for it sounds a little awkward that way. Something along the lines of, "This is where my childhood memories were made, where I was secretly wishing my teenage years would hurry up with every second passing." (you used the wrong past, it really should be "passed").

"Now, however, I cherish the memories of my childhood and forever wish I could have a time machine or a genie to grant me three wishes."

For this sentence, I would simply cut out "Forever" and "or a genie to cut me three wishes". It flows more smoothly that way. You could, however, substitute "forever" with "always", which I would recommend.

" I often remember when I was a little girl, my dad would take me on the swings he’d drag the chains backwards and whisper “Ready?” "

It's just a little awkwardly worded here. Try putting an "and" between "girl" and "my" instead of the comma and after "swings" put a comma and cut out the" he'd".

" ...and that’s the last time I would ever feel frightened was a simple swing set."

I think I get what you're trying to say here, but I'm not quite certain. Do you men that she was frightened by the swing set? If so, just replace "was" with "by".

As a general statement, there's some mixed up verb tenses. You switch from present tense to past tense. Make sure to stick to one and make all verbs in that tense. I'd recommend either past or present progressive, because present tense is really difficult to right in.

"I knew her as the woman that raised me, believing in whatever I said I wanted to do when I was younger and that changed every week, pretty much."

The last part of the sentence makes what would've been a very strong sentence a very awkward sentence. Change it to something like, "...younger, even though it pretty much changed every week." or put parenthesis around it.

"When I had a lot of drama going on a couple of years ago, she was by my side, or if it happened that she couldn’t be, she’d be offering her words of wisdom through a telephone line, even if it rang from one corner of England to the next."

It's not a bad sentence, but just worded awkwardly once again. Because she couldn't always be at your side, say that she tried to be by your side or that she was almost always by your side. Also, "...even if it rang from one corner of England to the next" doesn't make much sense, so I'd say something like, "...even if was calling from one corner of England to the next."

"She doesn’t even have to say anything, the kettle is put on, grabs an empty mug, pops a teabag in, and adds just a splash of milk."

Here, I'd just recommend making it into two smaller sentences. Put a period instead of a comma after "anything" and put a "she" after "on," to clarify things.

Overall, I look your writing style and word choice the biggest piece of advice I can give you is to keep KISS in mind (Keep It Simple Silly). I like this story though, I've also been writing a story about a girl in a wheelchair Don't take anything I say too harshly and keep writing!