Published April 12, 2010
When we met
My mind was set
It was you and I
You and me
That’s all we ever needed
That’s all we ever wanted.
I never knew what a best friend was,
until you showed.
You showed me what life teaches you in a matter of years,
What a wise old man would tell a grandchild,
In a matter of months
You taught me that the world is a beautiful place,
When you have the right state of mind
In the worst of situations
You showed me that everyone deserves to be loved.
Everyone has the right to be loved
Everyone has the right to be happy.
You were the one that discovered me,
Before discovering myself
Even in the worst of times, for us both,
I will always be there, whenever you need me.
I’m only a heartbeat away.
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AUTHOR NOTE: Yes, I admit. I am not the best at poetry. My talent mainly lies in fiction writing. So, I apologize if this is VERY suckish!
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^ Thank you for the constructive crit.
I shall re-write this eventually. Then, I shall repost it.
First thing that goes through my mind when reading this is that it is primarily made up of short, literal sentences, and little or no imagery. You have clearly got many ideas about what happened when the characters in the poem meet; but EACH of them will have a more powerful impact if you focus on them for longer, and in more interesting ways. By this, I mean, think about using more imagery in there; add a bit of colour and sound to the literal exposition and it'll do wonders. Also, think about having each of the separate ideas as a separate poem - because by the time you've fully explored them through, it will be one very long poem!
Also, think about putting this in the 'lyrics' section of the literary forums - I think it would be interesting to put it to music, too, actually, just as it is, simply because it's so down-to-earth and literal. But even then, it will benefit from a bit of imagination!