I look at you
You look away
Tears fall freely from my eyes
Tears cost you a fortune
broken glass
crunches under your feet
A hopeful sunrise
A dark sunset
You won't look at me....
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Canary word: Present
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137,707 Literary Works • 672,063 Reviews
...FUUUU YOUR A STALKER!
...Ahem! Excuse my reaction it's just...I have a bit of an issue with meeting people eyes when I have a problem.
Professional: This poem speaks volumes by itself and that is a very rare thing to be able to make let alone perfect. While not perfect, this poem says a lot about the people with just...7,8,9 lines. It shows a break up that brings brighter possibilities for both but it still hurts both people.
Casual: This is a bit confusing but good all the same. But why are they meeting in an abandoned building? I really just ask this because I am compelled to know all of the details. It's how I roll.
All in all, a great poem that is deep and thought provoking which is great in my opinion.
Hai there! AlexSushiDog here to review this poem here!
I really liked this poem to be true; I liked the kind of call and repeat feel to it and the simpleness of it.
Just a few points to improve:
On two of the lines you forgot capitals, an easy fix and you have probably seen that by now.
Also you need to add commas and periods at the end of each line like this:
Besides that, this poem was great!
Alex out, beep.
Hello Mailani!
Poetry reviewing isn't exactly my forte, but I'll give it a try.
This was my favorite kind of poem. The kind that is difficult to understand at first, but later reveals a deeper, clearer meaning.
There was one line I did not understand.
"Tears cost you a fortune"
Was this a reference to the guilt of the second person? It seems that the tears should be free for the person this is directed at, and instead the tears cost a fortune to the narrator.
Again, my poetry reviewing skills leave room for improvement.
Apart from that, I really enjoyed your poem. Even though I already said it on your wall, welcome to YWS!