Once again, I looked at the road that we have walked on together, earlier this year. The trees, their leaves, have lived it together with us, the moments of glory, the moments of love.
It seemed like just a year has transformed me from a just young girl into a matured woman. I lost myself in me, and in me I discovered my true avatar.
We used to play in these gardens, hiding behind the trees, rolling over the grass. We would hold hands and run across this road hosted by lush green trees, always standing straight, with their arms widespread....
These trees, with their arms widespread, witnessed with me, the startling incident of my life. That day, a day when everything changed,a day when this place became a death floor, a day which threw me down into the deep and dark abyss.
Taken away that day were my innocence, and my trust in life.
Today, I sit here on the same bench, on the same road, between the same trees, and I can't bear the sorrow, the trees can't bear the sorrow, their leaves can't bear the sorrow. They fall down, each and every one of them. And once again, together we cry. However, we know for sure, no matter what happens, the life goes on. One goes on and others take their place, just like these fallen leaves. Soon, these trees will be swinging with new, more green leaves, and these will be just the 'dead foliage'. All it needs is 'time' for others to replace the ones who have gone. Life is like seasons, if there is autumn, there will be spring too.
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125,009 Literary Works • 672,837 Reviews
This a really nice story. The words really milked through my head, the sentences were really well put together. This is a type of story that I would really put some thought into, and that is something that you should aim for in writing.
There are some words that I would take out or replace, like avatar. But I like the sentence, just you should change that one word.
Other than that, I think that the story is absolutely beautiful. It seems like abstract writing, something that people would interpret differenly. But it is about life and the metaphor is just amazing.
Good job, keep writing.
- BEWriter
This is a beautful, yet depressing, metaphor for life. I love it! I like 'I lost myself in me,' and 'they fall down, each and every one of them.' It's a very thought-inducing short story.
Also, is it just me but does there need to be a space between changed, and a?
A+ story, once again.
Hello!
I really enjoyed it.
This is a really great story! You used excellent personification when describing the trees, and bushes and such.
I only have a couple of nitpicks-
"I lost myself in me, and in me I discovered my true avatar."
It may just be me, but I don't think avatar would be the right word to use here. It sort of breaks up your "rhythm" in this sentence. Yes. I think of this little sentence having rhythm, almost like a little slice of poetry-
"I lost myself in me, and in me I discovered my true avatar."
Sorry. I just had to repeat that again. It's one of my favorite lines in this!
"That day, a day when everything changed,a day when this place became a death floor,"
I was just going to point out you forgot the space after the comma and 'a day'. Easily fixed.
Other than that, I thought this was awesome! My other favorite line from this was-
"Life is like seasons, if there is autumn, there will be spring too."
Beautiful. Nice job on this, and keep writing!
~Snazzy
Stay awesome.
I really liked all the descriptive word you used as they gave me a good mental picture of the setting. And the setting also did a good job of setting the mood of this story. The way you described the narrator as turning from a young girl into a matured woman because of what I assume was the death of someone she loved was very good and I like the way you used the trees in that description. Then the ending how you said like there is autumn and also spring to show how the narrator would have to get over the death was a very good metaphor.
Hi Annie! Guess what? I was just reading your work and preparing my review for it, when you commented
Anyhow, thanks for the lovely comment, I'm glad you like it and can relate to it