Do you want to rule the world? Then this is the post for you! This was written by myself, and my friend JK. Please, don't take it too seriously.
Introduction
So you, like so many other neurotic and nefarious people, have decide to journey down the long, dark, and highly enjoyable road to domination. Bravo, my slippery friend, bravo!
Whether you simply want to stage a neighborhood coup and punish your snooty, overpriced, perfect-lawned, swimming pool bearing neighbors, or shoot for complete world domination, this is the guide for you. This book will cover everything from forming your legions of terror to deciding on how to shape your evil mustache. (For what is a villain without a perfectly curled mustache? Or a goatee – just like your mother’s?)
However, before you rush out to recruit soldiers for your army or begin buying cyanide by the ton, you must first consider if you are an ideal candidate for the role of evil dictator. Are you:
A. A ballerina with a secret bloodlust, and your rivals are the first to pay in your pink haven of peace and tranquility – and evil!
B. A pyromaniac that frequently says things such as, “The leprechauns tell me to burn things”
C. A forty year old nerd who lives with his mother, seeking the ultimate revenge against all of the jocks who made fun of his glasses, stole his lunch money, and gave him wedgies
D. A fat purple dinosaur who likes to brainwash – I mean, “entertain – small children and use them in his army.
If you fit into any of the above categories you will make a great dictator. (If you fit into any of the above qualities, you will also need to make regular appointments with the therapist of your choice. FREAK!) If you do not fit into any of these categories, do not fear! The path to ultimate power may still be open to you!
Embrace your destiny! The world is such a wonderful place, especially if you are ruling it with an iron fist while watching many tiny security camera screens, scrutinizing them for any possible sign of opposition – all while stroking your fluffy white cat, Mr. Tibbles. Ah, sweet satisfaction!
Warning: We are not responsible for any negative effects this book may have on you. Side effects include maniacal laughter, frequent twitching, repetition of phrases like “To your doom, O Hero!” and a desire to punch a hobo. In extreme cases, severe derangement and an urge to burn things may result. If symptoms persist, see your local psychologist and acquire a straightjacket from your local Crazies R Us. This book is not for the notoriously straight faced, or women who are nursing, pregnant, or may become pregnant (you’ll doom your child to everlasting evil. Believe us, that’s why we are the way we are).
* There may be some freaks out there who may be considering actually taking this misinformation to heart. Don’t.
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140,685 Literary Works • 673,594 Reviews
Hey magnusbanfan13! You wrote inkcatcher, right? I loved that, so I was really excited when I came across something else that you wrote.
.Grammar/nitpicks
I think this sentence would be much better if after 'coup' you replaced the word 'and' with 'to' or even 'then'. Read it aloud
After each of these suggestions, add a fullstop, I pointed out where just in case I'm not being clear.
I closed the inverted commas after 'entertain'.
I don't think the word 'qualities' makes sense here, replace it with something like: 'groups'.
Why did you add an asterix here? Unless you have another one in the pice, and use it to add on information etc, don't use it. I couldn't find another asterix, so remove it please because it serves no purpose.
Overall
I thoroughly enjoyed this piece, it was hilarious and the great thing is, it did not sound forced. It's not like I could tell how hard you worked to make it funny, it seemed effortless, and that's what makes this truly great!
Also, this story flowed amazingly, it was so easy to read and I enjoyed reading because it wasn't all broken up and hard to follow. I honestly think I would have bought this book at a bookstore. No joke.
Just fiz the one or two things I pointed out above and I think this piece is amazing!
PM me if you need any more reviews or if you have any questions.
xxmimixx
It's really funny exactly how seamless this is. I can't even tell who wrote what. Scary, actually.
The only thing that I can think of now (because we've revised this what, four times already?) is that there are a lot of arson references right in a row. And isn't it A in the alphabet, too? Maybe take out a couple, replace them with something else...
And Jorge has a mustache...
Hey =]
I really should be going to bed now as I have to get up at 6:30 for work, but I couldn't log out without saying how much I lol'd at this.
The Barney reference was pure genius!
I loved the note at the end too - Side effects include maniacal laughter, frequent twitching, repetition of phrases like “To your doom, O Hero!” and a desire to punch a hobo.
So, this isn't a proper review or anything, but I just had to tell you how much I enjoyed reading this
Great job!
xDudettex