z

Young Writers Society



Ghosted [Chapter 3.2]

by Mageheart


word count: 2302

~x~

Our host was jittery. She flitted from one corner of the modest kitchen to the other. It took her a good five minutes to realize that there wasn’t any space for us to sit at her little rickety table. It took another minute of frantic pacing (and Theo helping) for her to move a seemingly infinite assortment of potted plants off of the table.

It seemed like she owned some kind of shop. We had walked through a room filled with items on display – some in glass cases, others on simple wooden stands. I barely got a look at them before we had entered the more domestic part of the building. Now our host was making us tea in an ornate, metal teapot. I stared at the hearts and spirals carved into the metal, fingers absentmindedly running over the same exact marks on Temp’s arm.

“I’m so lost right now,” she said, grabbing a glass jar of honey from a cupboard hanging over the sink, “but you must be even more lost than I am. If Romi hadn’t been here, I’d...”

The woman faltered.

Even with her back to us, I could tell that her mood had shifted.

She let out a quiet, heavy sigh and turned back to us with honey in tow. Temp’s glowing blue eyes lingered on the jar as she set it down on the table. I waved a hand in front of the mannequin’s face to see if it reacted; it just kept staring.

I looked at the woman as she went back to the now hissing teapot.

“My name is Liv,” she offered. She grabbed a few teacups from the cabinet. “What are your names?”

Theo gave a smile.

“Theo,” he offered. “My friend is named Van. Thank you for bringing us into your home.”

I shot him a look. Friends? I wouldn’t have even dared to suggest that. I was going to come up with a whole story about us being brothers if she hadn’t revealed that she knew we had just kicked the bucket. But there was a bigger offense that needed addressing: Theo completely ignored Temp.

I loudly cleared my throat.

“The third member of our group is named Temp,” I added. I leaned across the table. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed that Temp had grabbed the honey off the table and was staring at it with a surprisingly intense look. Neither Theo or I tried to take the honey back. If the mannequin wanted the honey, it was going to get it.

...Even though I wasn’t entirely sure if whatever Temp was could actually eat food.

“So,” I said, resting my elbows on the table’s worn surface, “I’m assuming you brought us inside of your house to give us some kind of explanation.”

I gave her a smile that just barely reached my eyes.

“Not to rush you, of course.”

Liv looked back at us and sighed. Theo gave a sigh of his own, too, for reasons I couldn’t possibly comprehend. When I felt him nudge me under the table with his foot, I started to think that the reason may have been related to my impatience. Apparently, I was the only one here who actually wanted to find out what we had somehow gotten ourselves into.

We waited in silence. Liv finished preparing the tea. She asked – in a quiet, tired voice – if we liked milk in ours. I wasn’t even a big fan of tea to begin with, but I took a leaf out of Theo’s book and gave a polite, restrained nod. Temp was too busy investigating the honey jar to even hear the question.

Liv returned with tea in mismatched china cups. Not quite sure how I was supposed to drink tea, I took a large swig from my cup – and immediately burned my mouth. I slammed my drink down on its little pristine plate, seriously considering stealing the honey from Temp to save me from my pain.

Theo gave me a concerned look; I gave him a strained smile in return.

And then Liv finally cleared her throat. I resisted the urge to give a triumphant cheer.

“You’re on a world called Arium,” she said. She took a cautious sip of her tea. Besides me, Theo did the same. Temp just kept investigating its beloved jar, hands absentmindedly tugging at the lid. “I’m sure you had some expectation of where you would go when you die – and I’m sure this place wasn’t it. We...We haven’t had new people here in a long time, either, so it’s a bit of a shock for me, too.”

I crossed my arms. “So this is the afterlife?”

She shook her head.

“This is a second chance,” she clarified. “Both of you died young. Rew – this world’s god – must have pitied you for it. He sometimes takes some of the deceased from Earth and brings them here. It’s been a long time since he’s taken pity on anyone, though, and certainly not two people at once.”

She glanced at Temp.

“...Or three,” she said. “If Temp is from Earth, too.”

I stared at her. I didn’t bother to say that Temp wasn’t.

There was a clink as Theo put his teacup down on its little plate.

“Is there a way back?” Theo said. I tore my gaze away from Liv and glanced over at Theo. He was leaning against the table, too, hand tightly gripping the teacup’s fragile handle. His fingers were so tightly clenched together that I thought the cup was sure to break. Liv, either sensing the impending shattering of china or wanting a convenient reason to look away, glanced at the broom in the corner.

“I asked that question when I first arrived here, too,” Liv said. “I don't remember much from then, but that's still something that sticks out in my mind.”She let out a quiet sigh.

“I wish I could tell you yes,” she said. “I wish I could give you the comfort I know you’re looking for. Rew often takes pity on those who are alone, but I can see it in your eyes – you left people behind.”

I pushed my cup away.

“I didn’t,” I simply said.

Liv just gave me a sad, pitying look. I ignored the way she frowned and went back to watching Temp instead. The mannequin had paused in its attempts to open the jar, even though it was ironically almost entirely the way there.

Theo shifted beside me.

“You left behind Rose,” he quietly said. “And your ghosts.”

I turned and glared at him. “They already left me.”

Theo opened his mouth to speak, but I turned away. I started helping Temp open the honey jar instead – the mannequin had become increasingly more desperate in its attempt. It had hit a little problem, though, when it tried turning the lid the wrong way. I quickly fixed its problem by unscrewing the lid the right way. With a satisfying pop, the viscous, sweet insides were free for Temp to...

...stare at it even more?

I wasn’t sure what I had been expecting, but it certainly wasn’t that.

Theo didn’t say anything else. My point had been made.

Liv, on the other hand, hadn’t made all of her points. She was also thoroughly distracted by what Temp was up to. She started to speak – the beginnings of a sentence leaving her lips – but paused when she noticed Temp’s eternal staring contest with the trophy of its misdirected labor.

I cleared my throat.

“What were you going to say?” I asked.

Liv tore her gaze away.

She took a deep breath, held a hand out towards one of the moved potted plants, and touched the very tip of its closed flower. The flower – orange like Temp’s honey – moved a little towards Liv’s hand. It must have been one of those flowers that ate things, though it looked innocent enough. I couldn’t see why else it would suddenly move like it had a mind of its own.

“You might have already discovered this,” she said, “but everyone on this world has a magic of their own.”

She put her hand underneath the flower’s bud.

The room grew just a little warmer. The mysterious heat seemed to be originating from the inconspicuous potted plant. As I shifted in my seat, the flower started to blossom. Its leaves perked up. If that hadn’t been shocking enough, the flower actually grew. Its stalk stretched another few inches, reaching all the way to the table top.

Liv gave us a tiny smile.

“I can control plants,” she said. “My first family ran a greenhouse, so no one was really surprised when I first manipulated a flower.”

She gave a quiet little laugh.

“As my wife always used to say,” she added, “our god has a sense of irony.”

I finally looked back at Theo.

Even without saying anything to each other, I knew that we had the same train of thought. My entire life had been spent toeing the line between life and death. If I was going to get any kind of power, it would be something that I had seen the ghosts do for years. Possession wasn’t common. It was hard to lose sight of who you were as a person and put yourself in the literal shoes of someone else. But it was a thing that had been done; I remembered one time where a graveyard ghost accidentally possessed Rose’s dad as a kid.

Possession had to be my power.

“Are there any limitations?” Theo asked.

Liv studied the two of us.

Then she shook her head.

“No,” she said. “Any ability is possible. As long as it has some kind of connection to you or your family, it’s possible. My wife can – could create coral reefs. It wasn’t the kind of magic you would expect, but it was as possible as my plant magic.”

Images of brown coral reefs blossoming from the water flickered in and out of my mind. I certainly wouldn’t have guessed that was a kind of magic that existed, but I liked the sturdiness of the image in my head. I’d trust someone with magic like that; you could probably do all sorts of things with the reefs as platforms.

“How will we know when we’ve found our magic?” Theo asked.

“You won’t have any doubt,” Liv said. She rested her hand over her chest – almost like she was resting it on her heart, but her hand was on her right instead of her left. “You’ll feel it in your soul. According to the stories, Rew tied our magic right to our souls. Even if we someday died again and were reincarnated, we would still carry our magic with us.”

I looked down at my own chest.

Theo let out a quiet breath and finally let go of his teacup.

I wanted to roll my eyes at what Liv said, but I resisted the urge. I didn’t feel anything special in my soul. I just felt like I had even before I died. Following Theo’s lead of not offending our host, I leaned back in my chair and yawned. I was sure Theo was going to blab about my abilities anyways.

“Would seeing ghosts count as magic?”

...That wasn’t the blabbing I had expected.

I glanced back at Liv.

I had been so used to seeing looks of pity whenever my ability inevitably came up, but Liv’s look was unexpected. She looked scared. Her eyes had widened. Her skin had gone pale. Even the demonstration plant beside her was shaking along with the rest of her body. I was the one with the ability to see the dead, but she looked like she had just seen a ghost.

(Again.)

“You...You can see ghosts?” she whispered.

Theo glanced over at me.

I shot him a look. Nice one, Theo. It was definitely a good idea to look at me to deflect the conversation, even though he was the one who originally brought it up. While I leveled a glare at him, Liv took a deep, shaky breath.

“Oh Rew,” she whispered. “I...I should have realized it before.”

I raised an eyebrow.

“Should have realized what?” I asked, playing dumb.

“That one of us was the newest chosen one.”I blinked.

“The newest what?” I said, incredulous.

“The newest chosen one,” Liv repeated. She glanced over at Temp, who now had its left hand stuck in the honey. If I wasn’t so flustered by the whole chosen one thing, I would have suggested that Liv sacrifice her honey to the mannequin. Who knew where that hand had been? “That vessel has his magic. You’re the first people to arrive here in almost two decades. And one of you can see ghosts. Rew...Rew has always favored those that were already connected to the dead.”

I stared at Temp.

Temp couldn’t be that important, right? The thing couldn’t even avoid walking into a tree! If I had been an all powerful god who could apparently defy the rules of death, I would have made my vessels a little more competent.

This was, of course, ignoring the elephant in the room.

I was supposed to be this world’s hero.

I groaned and rested my head on the table.

A second later, I felt a sticky hand rest on the top of my hair. I glanced up to see that Temp was giving me a comforting head pat with a honey-coated hand.

Theo didn’t offer a word of comfort.

I knew that if I looked over at him, he would be giving me that same sad look from the woods.




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Mon Apr 26, 2021 2:34 pm
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IcyFlame wrote a review...



Right I'm going to try and carry on with this one before I run out of reviewing steam and I've got to sit and wait whilst the plumber sorts out the drains so hopefully that gives me enough time to review this chapter.

It took another minute of frantic pacing (and Theo helping) for her to move a seemingly infinite assortment of potted plants off of the table.

I like the pacing of this paragraph and I think it really conveys this mystery woman's anxiousness at their arrival.

Now our host was making us tea in an ornate, metal teapot.

I think you could keep her being frantic here. Maybe she drops something or is making the tea noisily, clumsily?

I stared at the hearts and spirals carved into the metal, fingers absentmindedly running over the same exact marks on Temp’s arm.

Wow, Van has bonded with Temp super quick. I wonder if there are special forces at work here, or whether he's just more comfortable around things that are out of the ordinary (see: young boy likes hanging out in graveyard and talking to his ghosty pals).

“Theo,” he offered. “My friend is named Van. Thank you for bringing us into your home.”

Even in death he's so polite!

I stared at her. I didn’t bother to say that Temp wasn’t.

I mean, he doesn't know that for sure...

“I wish I could give you the comfort I know you’re looking for. Rew often takes pity on those who are alone, but I can see it in your eyes – you left people behind.”

Hmm, so is Theo only there because he died at the same time as Van and Rew got confused?

“Are there any limitations?” Theo asked.

Theo is surprisingly calm about all of this and seems to be taking it in his stride. This is such a rational question for such a weird situation xD

“Are there any limitations?” Theo asked.

Liv studied the two of us.

Then she shook her head.

“No,” she said. “Any ability is possible. As long as it has some kind of connection to you or your family, it’s possible. My wife can – could create coral reefs. It wasn’t the kind of magic you would expect, but it was as possible as my plant magic.”


Also this seems a strange question to ask at this time. I'm guessing this is some kind of foreshadowing but to me it seems a little forced. Maybe there's a way to have it come up more naturally?

I got a bit lost when I came to the end. I know from your notes that Van is the chosen one, but it was a bit confusing with all the interaction with Temp and I finished the chapter unsure if it was supposed to be the chosen one instead...

I do love Temp as a character though - it provides a lot of comedic relief that I sense we're going to need later on in the story!

The plumber is still going so I'll make a start on the next chapter and see how far I get. Hope this is helpful <3

Icy




Mageheart says...


Thank you so much for the review! I'll make sure to clear up who the chosen one when revising the chapter, but it's good to know that there's some confusion with who the actual chosen one is.

I like the pacing of this paragraph and I think it really conveys this mystery woman's anxiousness at their arrival.


Thanks! c:

I think you could keep her being frantic here. Maybe she drops something or is making the tea noisily, clumsily?


Ooooh I love those suggestions! I'll have to include at least one of them. :)

Wow, Van has bonded with Temp super quick. I wonder if there are special forces at work here, or whether he's just more comfortable around things that are out of the ordinary (see: young boy likes hanging out in graveyard and talking to his ghosty pals).


;)

You're definitely onto something! I'm glad you picked up on how quickly Van bonded with Temp. c:

Even in death he's so polite!


He is! Theo is a good boi. :)

I mean, he doesn't know that for sure...


True! ;)

Hmm, so is Theo only there because he died at the same time as Van and Rew got confused?


I know I keep saying reacting with this, but...

;)

Also this seems a strange question to ask at this time. I'm guessing this is some kind of foreshadowing but to me it seems a little forced. Maybe there's a way to have it come up more naturally?


Thanks for letting me know! I'll try to write it more naturally. I wanted to have Van's multiple abilities (mainly seeing ghosts before he died and the possession ability afterwards) come up so Liv could figure out he was the newest chosen one as soon as possible, but it looks like I can drag out that scene a little more.

[quote]I do love Temp as a character though - it provides a lot of comedic relief that I sense we're going to need later on in the story! /quote]

Thanks! Temp's definitely a blast to write. :)

Thank you again for your review! It really was helpful. <3 I hope you enjoy reading the next chapter!



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Mon Mar 08, 2021 2:45 pm
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legendarycomputerpoetry wrote a review...



Not quite sure how I was supposed to drink tea, I took a large swig from my cup – and immediately burned my mouth.


(me too...)

Honestly the fact that Temp is the newest chosen one doesn't surprise me. Even though they are a bit bumbling and odd, I think the world is in good hands--I mean, Rew chose them so...

Also:

A second later, I felt a sticky hand rest on the top of my hair. I glanced up to see that Temp was giving me a comforting head pat with a honey-coated hand.


My favorite line in this part! Honey and Temp are the combination I didn't know that I needed in my life.

LCP




Mageheart says...


Hi again !!

Honestly the fact that Temp is the newest chosen one doesn't surprise me. Even though they are a bit bumbling and odd, I think the world is in good hands--I mean, Rew chose them so...


Actually, Van is the newest chosen one! I need to clarify it more when revising this chapter, but Temp was just comforting him in its own special way. <3

which means the world probably isnt in the best hands now adlhgkjkadfg

Honey and Temp was also a surprise combination I've come to love. <3 <3



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MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi Magebird,

Mailice back here with a new review! :D


A very interesting and exciting part of the third chapter, which tells the reader more about the world and advises some answers. Still, it leaves more questions unanswered, which I think is very well orchestrated. It keeps the reader on the hook to find out more later and yet you have enough information to see through the story a little more clearly and make your own assumptions.

The characters are already well integrated, you can clearly tell Van and Theo apart. The process of thawing out with the characters is already finished and I notice that in this part the focus is also on Temp's integration. He's a very funny, maybe creepy fellow, the way he's constantly obsessed with that honey jar... :D

"My name is Liv," she offered.


The old lady has a name! Is it short for a name or does it come from "To live"? Nevertheless, I find it fitting.

"Theo," he offered. "My friend is named Van. Thank you for bringing us into your home."
I shot him a look. Friends? I wouldn't have even dared to suggest that. I was going to come up with a whole story about us being brothers if she hadn't revealed that she knew we had just kicked the bucket. But there was a bigger offence that needed addressing: Theo completely ignored Temp.


I don't know exactly how to interpret this passage, but to me it looks like Theo wants to take on the role of leader and seems a bit snooty. He also tries to show off later, it seems to me.

She asked - in a quiet, tired voice - if we liked milk in ours.


I heard that this is a very British thing, to drink one's tea with milk. Van and Theo are now one step ahead of me on that one. :D

"I asked that question when I first arrived here, too," Liv said.


That means Liv has been in this place since (probably) the 80s assuming from her clothing style...


With a satisfying pop, the viscous, sweet insides were free for Temp to...
...stare at it even more?



These short moments with humour are just great and still don't spoil the seriousness of the plot. I'm curious to know more about Temp. He reminds me of a toddler or a cat...

"As my wife always used to say," she added, "our god has a sense of irony."


And yet she is all alone in this place... I wonder if her wife is still somehow relevant. And the magic of the two also fits together very well. Here I also see that you have written "god" in lower case. I'm really not sure if it's always the case, but I would capitalise it. (Just a little side note.)

"That one of us was the newest chosen one. "I blinked.


I'm starting to feel like I have a main character in front of me.

I don't know what I like most about your story. Is it the characters that seem alive, the plot that keeps me enthralled or the short funny scenes that are always in between? I can't say anything that I didn't like.
Enjoy the rest of your writing!

Mailice.




Mageheart says...


Thank you so much for your review! I know I already said it in my reply to your last review, but I'm really getting a kick out of your reviews - I love seeing how people interpret my stories.

The old lady has a name! Is it short for a name or does it come from "To live"? Nevertheless, I find it fitting.


I was thinking it's short for Olivia, but I love the meaning you came up with! And thanks. :)

I don't know exactly how to interpret this passage, but to me it looks like Theo wants to take on the role of leader and seems a bit snooty. He also tries to show off later, it seems to me.


I love this interpretation! Even though Theo usually has to rely on Van for knowledge, he very much tries to be the leader out of habit.

That means Liv has been in this place since (probably) the 80s assuming from her clothing style...


Yup! I'm still tweaking her part of this story, so I made change the years later on. But I really wanted to show the time she originally ended up in this world by her clothes, so I'm glad I conveyed that well enough for you to guess!

These short moments with humour are just great and still don't spoil the seriousness of the plot. I'm curious to know more about Temp. He reminds me of a toddler or a cat...


Thanks! I'm excited to share more about Temp as the story progresses. :)

And yet she is all alone in this place... I wonder if her wife is still somehow relevant.


;)

Here I also see that you have written "god" in lower case. I'm really not sure if it's always the case, but I would capitalise it. (Just a little side note.)


Thanks for catching that! The lowercase is actually intentional, but I'll make sure to keep it consistent in the future chapters. I went the lowercase route because the god here is a lot like the ancient Greek style of gods - where it's more of a descriptor of a kind of people, rather than someone's name or title.

(It also puts the god on a slightly more human level, which may or may not be central to this story's plot. ;))

I don't know what I like most about your story. Is it the characters that seem alive, the plot that keeps me enthralled or the short funny scenes that are always in between? I can't say anything that I didn't like.


Ahhh thank you so much for the compliments !! And thank you again for this review. It really means a lot to me. :)




The author of my life has some ambitious ideas for me to become a super villain
— FireEyes