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Young Writers Society



Ghosted [Chapter 3.1]

by Mageheart


word count: 1381

Chapter 3

Van

Theo sighed as we walked through the forest.

“I can’t believe you brought it,” he said, running his hand through his hair. He looked unnecessarily stressed. I didn’t see why. We had gotten out of the ruins without any issues. We hadn’t even seen a return of the shadow people, despite there being no clear explanation for why they had even disappeared in the first place.

“It helped us out,” I pointed out.

“We don’t even know what it is,” Theo argued. “We can’t just...just…”

He let out a tired, frustrated sigh.

“We should have just left it in the ruins.”

For a little bit of context: the infamous it Theo and I were discussing was the same mannequin that had tried kidnapping my body. Said mannequin had been surprisingly responsive to my idea of it helping us climb out of the ruins by using it as a ladder. There was the question of if it actually comprehended my request, but it didn’t fight me climbing on top of it. Before I had been able to figure out how to get the mannequin out with us when Theo and I made it back above ground had started scaling the rocks like it was some kind of professional rock climber. It did it so fast that Theo had given a terrified yelp when it finally reached the top; I was too busy looking for an incredibly long stick to yank it out of the ruins with to notice.

Though Theo was eager to blame me for it following us as we trudged through the woods, I actually had very little say with the whole matter. The mannequin had been trailing behind us for a good five minutes before I finally decided to embrace it as part of our now makeshift trio. By this point in the conversation, it was so close that I had been able to sling my arm over its shoulder. I didn’t let Theo know that I had only put my arm around it in the first place because I knew he would panic if he thought the mannequin was the one initiating the contact.

Better blame me than it.

While Theo was noticeably spooked by our friend, the mannequin did have a bonus: its eyes worked as a replacement flashlight. As the sky grew darker with the passing of time, the mannequin’s glowing blue eyes provided us with just enough light to prevent us from stumbling into another set of ruins.

I skillfully avoided a low-hanging branch and stepped over a rock jutting out of the ground. The mannequin wasn’t as lucky. After seeing it stumble over the rock and be whacked in the face by the branch, I decided to switch from using it as an armrest to being its guide.

“We should give it a name,” I suggested.

Theo stared at me.

“If it’s going to be traveling with us, we’ll need something to call it by.” Theo just groaned and ran his fingers through his hair. “Maybe something like…”

I turned the mannequin away from an oncoming tree. The danger having now passed, I glanced back over at the mannequin. There was a name on the tip of my tongue. I wasn’t the best at naming things, but this name just felt right.

“Temp,” I said. “Short for Temporary.”

Theo gave me a long, hard look.

Temp – clearly in support of its new name – made a happy little whirring sound.

If Theo had any more objections, he certainly didn’t voice them. That was probably because we suddenly saw a light appear on the horizon. It wasn’t a strong light; I could barely make it out against the darkening sky. But when I peered through the trees (and turned Temp away from another low-hanging branch) I could just barely make out the outline of a building.

I glanced at Theo.

I glanced at Temp.

And then I glanced back in the direction of the building.

“Whatever happens next,” I said, “follow my lead.”

I walked towards the building and the light with the mannequin in tow. The sound of Theo’s soft but steady footsteps filled my ears. It mixed with the mannequin’s more uncertain, uneven ones. Mine were nowhere to be found. The sound was surprisingly calming; it was almost like a lo-fi track. Add in the crickets chirping and random, unseen animals scurrying in the brush, and it sounded like the nature CDs I used to listen to when trying to fall asleep as a kid.

As we got closer, the building slowly became more than a blurry outline. It was a picturesque hut of stone and straw. It even had a little stone wall surrounding it. Add in the single, solitary lamp standing on a wooden post that towered over a wooden gate, and it felt like a scene straight out of a Studio Ghibli movie.

Theo and Temp’s footsteps became harder.

I looked down.

The forest’s dirt had become a mismatched stone path. The stones were all gray bricks, but the shades and sizes all varied. It took a little extra work to guide Temp over them as we ducked underneath the single, pulsing lamp.

I pushed the gate open.

A loud creak filled the calm night air.

I had been hoping to have the element of surprise, but the lights almost immediately turned on inside of the building. A few seconds later, a figure passed by the window closest to us – and stepped out through the wooden front door. The owner of the hut was apparently a middle-aged woman. I couldn’t put an exact age to her face, but her hair had a few gray streaks to it. That part didn’t make me pause.

What made me hesitate was her outfit. It wasn’t what I expected someone her age to be wearing – or anyone to be wearing, for that matter. It was something straight out of the 1980s: high-waisted jeans with a thin brown belt, a button-up shirt, and a pair of much more modern Converses.

It was like I was seeing a ghost.

I glanced back at Theo. He looked a little confused, but he was staring right at her. He wasn’t staring at the open door. He had to be able to see her, too. Even Temp was looking at her. It looked like the owner of this place just had a very questionable fashion sense.

The woman looked at us.

I opened my mouth, ready to give the story I had already come up with. I wasn’t going to jump to assumptions about where we were or who she was until she gave us some kind of clue or indicator.

The woman dropped her flashlight.

The flashlight rolled across the ground until it came to a stop at Temp’s feet. The woman didn’t make a move to get it. She just kept looking at us like we were suddenly the ghosts. Maybe it had been a bad idea to come to this place without tidying up - the blood, rips and charred clothes probably looked a bit questionable.

“Oh Rew,” she whispered, “you’re-you’re new.”

Theo crouched down beside Temp. After grabbing the flashlight, he walked over to the woman and extended it to her. She reached out a shaking hand, but didn’t take it away from him. I shoved aside my story for another time; it looked like we were already going to be getting some answers.

“I...I can’t believe someone finally came again,” she said. “You’re-You’re really dead, aren’t you?”

Theo gave me a questioning look.

Not for the first time in the day, I was surprisingly – and worryingly – clueless.

She finally took the flashlight from Theo. Hands still shaking and footwork now unsteady, she returned to the front door of the building. We lingered in the yard as she pushed the old, wooden door open. A moment later, she was gesturing for us to follow her inside.

Theo and I made eye contact.

I couldn’t entirely read his expression, but I took the way he glanced over at the woman as a cue to enter the building. I led Temp inside – making sure to push its head down so it didn’t hit the low doorway.


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Mon Apr 26, 2021 2:12 pm
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IcyFlame wrote a review...



I've just seen that you've posted chapter four of this so I'm going to try and actually get caught up on this novel! Luckily as we're only two chapters in, I haven't quite forgotten everything that's happened just yet xD

Said mannequin had been surprisingly responsive to my idea of it helping us climb out of the ruins by using it as a ladder.

I'm having trouble picturing how they would use a mannequin as a ladder seeing as it doesn't have anything like rungs but I love Van's narrative voice here, it's so casual in contrast to Theo's complete (and totally justified) freak out.

I made it back above ground it had started scaling the rocks like it was some kind of professional rock climber.

I think you're missing a word here? I've made a guess, but otherwise I couldn't follow the sentence.

I didn’t let Theo know that I had only put my arm around it in the first place because I knew he would panic if he thought the mannequin was the one initiating the contact.

This is a little confusing, I think you could make it clearer.

“Temp,” I said. “Short for Temporary.”

Definitely not short for Temperance ;)

Add in the single, solitary lamp standing on a wooden post that towered over a wooden gate, and it felt like a scene straight out of a Studio Ghibli movie.

I can totally picture this! I love that it fits with the vibe you've been posting on your wall recently and I'd love to see this image drawn in that style <3

It was like I was seeing a ghost.

Why does this combination make him feel like he was seeing a ghost, particularly when he's pretty used to that occurrence? Or is this something that will be explained later?

I opened my mouth, ready to give the story I had already come up with. I wasn’t going to jump to assumptions about where we were or who she was until she gave us some kind of clue or indicator.

When did he even have time to come up with a story? It seems like it's been pretty chaotic since they died, so he seems amazingly prepared!

Ok this chapter hasn't made a huge amount of sense so far but Van's narrative voice really carries it through. It's also possible that the confusion is because this is just part one, so I'm going to go ahead and read part two and then I'll reserve my comments for when I've finished :)

Icy




Mageheart says...


Thank you for the review! I have a tendency to get too much into Van's head when writing from his perspective, so it's really useful knowing what needed a little more elaboration. I'll definitely clarify things when I revise this chapter, but I'll try to answer some of your questions now to clear things up before you get to the second part of the chapter!

(Unless you're in the middle of reading it already. :P)

I'm having trouble picturing how they would use a mannequin as a ladder seeing as it doesn't have anything like rungs but I love Van's narrative voice here, it's so casual in contrast to Theo's complete (and totally justified) freak out


Thanks! The juxtaposition of Van and Theo is one of my favorite character dynamics in this story.

(As for the ladder comment: Ladder probably wasn't the best way to describe what I was imagining. It was more like they would either stand on the mannequin's back or shoulders to reach the top.)

think you're missing a word here? I've made a guess, but otherwise I couldn't follow the sentence.


I was missing a word! Thanks for noticing it. c:

This is a little confusing, I think you could make it clearer.


Okay! I'll gladly do that. c: Van saw that Theo was already creeped out by the mannequin, so he wanted to make it seem like the mannequin wasn't the one who initiated the contact - he thought Theo would be more at ease if he assumed it was just Van being weird.

Why does this combination make him feel like he was seeing a ghost, particularly when he's pretty used to that occurrence? Or is this something that will be explained later?


I feel like I might be able to solve this by including an actual ghost at the very start of the story, but some ghosts look out-of-place because they have older, outdated outfits on. The woman they encountered also had an older style of clothes on, so Van's brain immediately made the comparison.

When did he even have time to come up with a story? It seems like it's been pretty chaotic since they died, so he seems amazingly prepared!


Good question! Van's supposed to be the type who comes up with excuses and explanations on the fly, but I haven't really gotten to show it yet. ^^" When I first wrote this chapter, I was expecting he'd be able to give his made-up story of who Theo, Temp and him were. But then the woman they encountered ended up pushing the plot along. :P

I hope this reply and part two clarifies things for you! Thank you again for letting me know what works and what doesn't. <3 <3



IcyFlame says...


I feel like I might be able to solve this by including an actual ghost at the very start of the story, but some ghosts look out-of-place because they have older, outdated outfits on. The woman they encountered also had an older style of clothes on, so Van's brain immediately made the comparison.

Ah yes this makes much more sense!



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Mon Mar 08, 2021 2:28 pm
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legendarycomputerpoetry wrote a review...



I'm finally caught up to read this!

My favorite character so far is Temp (what a savage name "Temporary" imagine if someone named their kid that) because they are so clumsy and yet so endearing. They behave more like a robot than a mannequin, but making them a mannequin makes them more human (as I'm assuming they have the same body shape?)

Every time they knocked into something I let out a snort because I'd do the same.

I really enjoy your descriptions so far...they are so good to read because the flow is just *chef's kiss* perfect. I'm excited to meet this new woman too!

LCP




Mageheart says...


Ahh you have no idea how happy I was when I saw your review !! Thank you so much for leaving it. <3 <3

(what a savage name "Temporary" imagine if someone named their kid that)


I never thought of that before, but now I'm cackling at the idea. :P

but making them a mannequin makes them more human (as I'm assuming they have the same body shape?)


You're right! It was really hard finding a descriptor that worked for Temp, so I settled on mannequin for now - even though they're definitely more like a robot.

Also yes to Temp being a mood. :P

And ahhh I'm glad you're enjoying my book !!! I'm so happy that we can geek out about each other's characters now. :)



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Spearmint wrote a review...



Hello, Spearmint here for a quick review!

“I can’t believe you brought it,” he said, running his hand through his hair. He looked unnecessarily stressed. I didn’t see why. We had gotten out of the ruins without any issues. We hadn’t even seen a return of the shadow people, despite there being no clear explanation for why they had even disappeared in the first place.

Haha I love how this part highlights the contrast between Theo and Van's characters! Van is like, we got out okay so everything's good, while Theo is probably worrying about what's going to happen next :p
And about the shadow people... I wonder if they're planning to return? >.>

...the mannequin did have a bonus: its eyes worked as a replacement flashlight.

Ooh that's rather handy. Also I'm curious: how long was the mannequin down in the ruins? What's its power source, and will it ever run out? (I guess that'll probably be cleared up later, though :])

The mannequin wasn’t as lucky. After seeing it stumble over the rock and be whacked in the face by the branch, I decided to switch from using it as an armrest to being its guide.

0.0 Interesting, this makes me wonder if the mannequin is blind or something. Do its eye-lights interfere with its vision?

“Temp,” I said. “Short for Temporary.”

Ahaha that name is perfect!! XDD

It was like I was seeing a ghost.

Hmm, I was a little confused by this part; do ghosts usually have questionable fashion sense? I would expect that they just wear whatever they had on when they died, although of course I'm not an expert on ghosts. (That title belongs to Van :p)

“I...I can’t believe someone finally came again,” she said. “You’re-You’re really dead, aren’t you?”

Oooh an intriguing piece of dialogue~~
What is this woman up to? She can see ghosts? Are Van and Theo really dead? Just some of my thoughts XD

Overall this was another great chapter, and I can't wait to read the next part! :D




Mageheart says...


Hi, Spearmint! Thank you so much for your review.

Van is like, we got out okay so everything's good, while Theo is probably worrying about what's going to happen next :p


That's the perfect way to describe their characters!

And about the shadow people... I wonder if they're planning to return? >.>


;)

Also I'm curious: how long was the mannequin down in the ruins? What's its power source, and will it ever run out? (I guess that'll probably be cleared up later, though :])


Good questions! They'll definitely be answered later on, but I'm happy you're asking them now. :)

0.0 Interesting, this makes me wonder if the mannequin is blind or something. Do its eye-lights interfere with its vision?


I can actually answer this one! It'll probably be cleared up later, but Temp can see - it's just not really registering what's in front of it. The eye lights are 100% there because I thought they looked cool. :P

Ahaha that name is perfect!! XDD


Thanks! :)

Hmm, I was a little confused by this part; do ghosts usually have questionable fashion sense? I would expect that they just wear whatever they had on when they died, although of course I'm not an expert on ghosts. (That title belongs to Van :p)


I definitely need to elaborate on this more in rewrites, but you're right! Ghosts tend to wear what they had on when they died, so the clothes don't always match the current time period. It makes them seem almost out of time - just like this woman!

Thank you again for your review! I'm glad you're enjoying my story. <3



Spearmint says...


Temp can see - it's just not really registering what's in front of it. The eye lights are 100% there because I thought they looked cool. :P

Oh ok, thanks for clearing that up! And looking cool is definitely a valid reason for adding eye lights! XDD

Ghosts tend to wear what they had on when they died, so the clothes don't always match the current time period.

Ooh interesting~ I guess people in this world have to be careful with their clothes! They might end up wearing them for the rest of their deaths... :p



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MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi Magebird,

Mailice here with a short review! :D

I'm looking forward to reading the next part of your novel. I'll keep my opinion of your writing style short, as I think it's good and has remained consistently at the same level as in the previous parts. There is really nothing to criticise.

As a short summary, I really enjoyed 3.1. After the last chapter focused more on the suspense and action, I'm glad that Van and Theo (and now also the mannequin) have some peace (before the storm)...?

"We don't even know what it is," Theo argued. "We can't just...just..."
He let out a tired, frustrated sigh.


I really like this scene and it almost feels like Theo is finally realising what kind of person Van is. It's like Theo is really a bit annoyed that Van has to have something new all the time.

The mannequin had been trailing behind us for a good five minutes before I finally decided to embrace it as part of our now makeshift trio.


That one sentence reminded me so much of the one scene in Spirited Away where No Face had been trailing behind Chihiro before she accepted him to be part of the group before they get to the train station. Fittingly, you even describe something like Studio Ghibli later on. :D

Better blame me than it.


Nice to see Van already blaming himself in caution. He's a very self-sacrificing character. But not as extreme as in many films, but still on a human and understandable level. I like that.

"Temp," I said. "Short for Temporary."
Theo gave me a long, hard look.
Temp - clearly in support of its new name - made a happy little whirring sound.


Again, a very great scene. Firstly, the name for the mannequin I find cute, Theo's expression on it, probably thinking "Really now!?" and Temp's reaction are also fitting. In this trio, so far Theo seems to me to be the one who understands humour the least, while Van keeps the presence of mind and is the leader, as we also read again later.

The sound was surprisingly calming; it was almost like a lo-fi track.


For someone who listens to lo-fi more often, I can picture it very well in my head.

"You're-You're really dead, aren't you?"


A question whose answer I'd prefer not to hear in the morgue, otherwise I'd run out screaming... :D But really, I'm curious who this old woman is and what else she tells about herself.

It's always hard to rank something and judge what was better or worse, but so far I like 3.1. the best of the whole novel. I really liked the whole interaction between the three of them, you can clearly feel a synergy among them that I hope will hold up in the following chapters and keep them from disaster even in the darkest hour.

Mailice.




Mageheart says...


Thank you so much for your review! I loved reading your thoughts on this part of the chapter and the next part. :)

It's like Theo is really a bit annoyed that Van has to have something new all the time.


Theo is one hundred percent the mom friend that overplans everything like me and Van is exactly the kind of person who pushes the mom friend's buttons. :P

That one sentence reminded me so much of the one scene in Spirited Away where No Face had been trailing behind Chihiro before she accepted him to be part of the group before they get to the train station.


Oh my gosh, I didn't even think of that! Now I want to draw everyone in Spirited Away/Studio Ghibli outfits.

Nice to see Van already blaming himself in caution. He's a very self-sacrificing character. But not as extreme as in many films, but still on a human and understandable level. I like that.


Thanks! He's just self-sacrificing enough to be enjoyably angsty.

Again, a very great scene. Firstly, the name for the mannequin I find cute, Theo's expression on it, probably thinking "Really now!?" and Temp's reaction are also fitting.


Thanks! Temp has to hands down be the best name I've ever come up with/the one I like the most. :)

Thank you again for your review !!




In short, Mrs. Pontellier was beginning to realize her position in the universe as a human being, and to recognize her relations as an individual to the world within and about her.
— Kate Chopin, The Awakening