Published July 21, 2009
[b]
She watches over me at night,
stopping all of my frights.
Her elegant sight,
is a wonderful delight.
She has many phases,
in all cases.
Being there for me,
so that I can see.
The Moon is a friend,
that I could send,
all of my love.
For she's my mother like no other.
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141,261 Literary Works • 674,331 Reviews
I loved it. It wasn't a dark poem, but a non-murder nice poem. Keep up the good work!!!
STAR!!!!
I like this. The rhyme and the flow work well in this particular poem.
Sometimes if you try to rhyme every last word in the stanza, it turns out horribly wrong but this time it works perfectly.
Phases and cases don't really rhyme and it sort of throws off the rhythm a bit. I like the last two lines because the moon is there to help us see and that's exactly what you said. Good job.
I like this last stanza because it ties the whole thing up but you could have probably made it five lines long. "For she's my mother like no other" is a little bit long. You know what I mean?
Overall, a very short, sweet poem that could be brilliant with just a few minor adjustments
Welcome to YWS.I'll be the first one to review your work.
This was poem was really nice due to its simplicity.
Not many people choose to write simple stuff like this,but you have and its come out really well.It scores really well on imagery and rhythm.
Here is something you could probably improve:
Being there for me,
so that I can see.
See what?Try experimenting with other words too,it might help.
I really liked the way you developed the last stanza.
By the way,since your new.......stick to the rule of at least two reviews per submission all the time.
Continue writing.